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body trauma - people don't ever talk about it..

Hiya Girls..

I'm newly converted to baby forum from pregnancy.. I have a two week old beautiful, beautiful little boy called Charlie.

I had a bit of a tramatic birth - for anyone who has read my birth story will know (on pregnancy forum), I am lucky because I really have had no problems bonding with my little one..

but I have been in floods of tears.. I just feel like my whole body has been completely tramatised.. if I stand for too long i feel like my insides are going to fall out.. i am on a REALLY heavy period.. I am stiched to high heaven down below and up my back passage..

I am having trouble (blushes) around toileting (or not) so embarressed don't even know how to write about it.. when i sneeze or pass wind.. i think you get the idea..

I have piles that are like a bunch of grapes image & a lovely jelly mummy belly to boot... I am covered in streach marks..

I am exasusted from the night feeds, have dark circles under my eyes.. feel so faint and tired from the the loss of blood..

sorry to moan.. but really just don't know who else to ask about it.. i am honest to god scared to look at my down below... :cry:

what can i do..?

will i ever feel myself again? or attractive?

a very tearful.. it_must_be_love xxx


  • Hun its really early days still. I read your birth story on the pregnancy forum & you had a really traumatic time. I'm sure youre sick to the teeth of people telling you that you will feel better that it will just take time etc.... but it does start to get easier. I had stitches with both my pregnancies & I know they can be really uncomfortable. I put tea tree oil in my baths & used to climb in once a day & lie in it for 10 minutes even & I found that really helped heal the stitches & soothe down below.

    Have you spoken to a midwife or HV about how youre feeling? It might even be worth asking them to check your stitches to make sure they are healing. Also arnica tablets are great to help with any bruising (if youre bf you would need to check that they are ok to take)

    Take care & congratulations on your beautiful son

    Hilary x
  • I have to admit very embarrasing tho it is that my erm,,,,bowels are not as strong these days and i still suffer with piles 7 months on (not saying that urs will last that long hun) i only had a 2nd deg tear and my stitches were never uncomfortable and healed well but even noe when im going number 2 i sometimes feel a bit weak down there, like its about to give way.
    i was told in hospital that camomile is great for healing and to put a few drops into a bath with some lavinder oil.
  • Hi It_must_be_love and Charlie welcome to the baby forum!

    I did have the pleasure of reading you birth story and it sounded like you had a real tough time of it!

    I tore very badly with Joshua which was 14 months ago and I can honestly say for me im completely back to normal. Ive never had any issues going to the loo or passing wind I was very lucky and everyone who has looked down below has said ive healed brilliantly :lol: but I still havent looked! However when I was in hospital about 2 days after having Joshua I struggled to hold in wind and if I needed the loo for a poo I had to go right away i couldnt wait image even if Joshua was crying I had to just leave him in his cot and try to run. Then as I regained my control after 3/4 days I was fine. I was doing my pelvic floor everytime I fed Joshua (when I remembered to do them) and when I had my check up at the out paitents about my pelvic floor the nurse thought it sounded like everything was fine! I didnt have any pain going to the loo but I was on so many painkillers I dont think I would have been able to feel aything!

    It does get easier but rememebr you have been through soooooooo much! I felt tired for ages afterwards cos I lost so much blood, I had 2 blood transfusions and was on iron tablets for 3 weeks but I dont think anything can prepare you for the tiredness!

    I stopped bleeding after 6 weeks and had my first period 8 weeks after birth which was great- no pain and only lasted 4 days so that was one good thing to come out of labour :\) Sex wise cos I was so scared to do the deed after my tear both emotionally and physically we didnt first try sex till lo was 16 weeks old and it hurt but not as much as i thought it was. Im lucky as I didnt get any stretch marks, but I can say your mummy tummy will go back to some kind of normality eventually its like anything- a healthy well balanced diet and gentle exercise will help but wait till you have had your 6-8 week check up first.

    To make myself feel better I always had a shower, did my hair and make up before oh went to work so I felt 'normal' cos I used to do that before lo was here! Meeeting up with friends when your ready will make you feel less isolated.

    I hope Ive helped a bit. If you need a chat or anything im on facebook Vicky Gardens its a picture of Joshua wearing my sun glasses. I wish I had talked about how i was feeling about the labour rather than saying what people wanted to hear xxx
  • Awww! I know the feeling of wanting to cry all the time! Lily is 3 weeks old and the littlest thing still sets me off. I would be holding her or just loading the dishwasher and I would start to cry. The feeling just overwhelmed me.

    I was stitched front to back and up my bum (sorry if TMI!) but it does get easier. They gave me antibiotics to stop infection and a HUGE bottle of lactose! Have they given you anything like this? They also told me when I needed a poo to put a thick pad folded in half onto my stitches as I pooed (again sorry if TMI).

    I couldn't sit on anything, couldn't get Lily out of the crib at night, for some reason my bits hurt more when I went to bed, god the pain! But now 3 weeks on I feel better down there but I haven't been brave enough to look yet. I have been having a shower or a salt bath and last week felt brave enough to touch the stitched it. I don't know when I will be ready to look tho. I have a hospital apointment in August for them to look at my bits once again!

    It does get easier and as others have said, I found dragging myself to the bathroom to put some make up on and just do my hair (even if I was still in my nighty!) made me feel human again.

    Please don't let it get you down!

  • hi, ive just read your birth story....and at times it sounded sooo familiar!

    i too was sent in to be induced and although didnt spend as long waiting to go up (only 2days) i can totally relate to the feeling of OH being "10mins" late. lol......i was devasted when OH told me he would be in at 9am....i kept saying "but your getting up at 7am so just come then!" lol.

    i to had a massive haemorage after mia arrived and lost over 2 and half litres of blood. OH was exactly the same he didnt want anymore children and all i could see was him stood in the corner crying....i was too confused to understand it all at the time and just watched as my room was invaded by 13 people with all sorts of instruments.

    my drama didnt stop there as ten days later i had a second haemorage whilst sat in the car and ended up blue lighted to the nearest hospital.

    I spent the next 6 weeks worrying about when it would happen again but time is definately a healer and i slowly forget about the awful time i had.

    As for down below....that will begin to feel normal again give it time.
    As for the back passage...well i'll be honest im still struggling but its something you get used to and in time you wont put that much emphasis on it.

    Im pleased to say im working on the jelly belly.....sit-ups are working wonders but dont start them too soon. just relax. Enjoy the first few weeks before worrying about it all. After Mia's traumatic arrival thats one thing i really miss as i just didnt have the energy to look after her like i imagined....OH and my mum did alot of the things i wished i had had the energy to do.

    congratulations on being a mum xx
  • Oh God,this brings back memories!I too felt like you do now,but it really does get better,just takes time and my best advise is just not to expect to much to soon,take time to just enjoy your lo and get all the help you can,you will feel better soon and things get easier as you both fall into a routine of sorts!
    I was stitched and i remember the pain,yes it did seem to be worse at night,sitting on the edge of the bed to feed was agony,add in tireness and feeling like my body wasnt my own,did get to me and i too was in floods of tears at times!plus at first Benji wouldnt sleep at night and i was up most of the first 6wks,but i think you just get on with it,like go on auto pilot almost!dont know quite how i did it but you do dont you?!?!
    It hurt to sit,it hurt to stand,best thing i found was to take plenty of baths,only time i had any comfort...also buy those gel pads you put in the freezer then place in your knickers,these helped me with the swelling,bruiseing and piles!!!
    Hope you get some relief soon!Take care x
  • Hi, just wanted to say I really sympathise & it made me sad to read your post as I went through similar after giving birth to my son 11 months ago. I had an episiotomy, piles and a haematoma the size of my fist. The pain was excruciating and like you remember thinking that my insides would drop out or explode. Has the doctor given you anything? I live abroad and medical treatment is private so maybe a bit different but I managed to go back for a local anesthetic injection (it helped a bit for a few hours but not great tbh). Apart from that take pain killers. You can take paracetomol and ibuprofen together (our paedatrician said it's fine even if breastfeeding). I also took lots of arnica (200c) which I believe helped with the bruising and tried to have 2 or 3 baths a day with a good handful of sea salt and lavender oil (good for the stitches and piles).
    Sorry if I've mentioned any thing said previously, in a bit of a rush!
    Also, it will get better in time and you will forget a lot of it. I must have done as I'm now pregnant with my second!
    Lot's of luck and hugs.x
  • hello sweetie,

    i havent read your birth story but will go do that now! but i just wanted to say that i know everyone says it but things do get better!!!

    i had lots of stiches and felt traumatised by my labour - dont think it was half as bad as yours but fin was back to bcak and causing extreme pain, i had done my back in the week before which we now know was done to finlay... but after having him i felt awful couldnt move - the stiches were sooo painful and i didnt understand as other people on ward had stitches were sat up and didnt seem that bothered by them, where as i litrally felt like screaming and crying they hurt that much, my back was completly shot and couldnt get out of bed on my own, couldnt left finlay in night had to buz for midwife... getting home i was in agongy and hubby had to drive sooo slow as i kept screaming at him!!!

    anyway sorry ramberling - trying to say that when i got home those first few days/weeks were agongy i cried every day as was sooo sleep deprived, lost lots of weight suddenly as didnt eat as had a nervous worried feeling all the time and didnt dare bath for ages just showered as i couldnt bare sitting on stitches and thought with my back id get stuck in bath... was told badidas is the thing to get from boots and lavander oil which you can have in bath with your lo!
    i had week blader for ages still not the same but not as bad - took about 3 months for me to feel NORMAL!!!

    i regret not enjoying those first few weeks as i was in pain and worrying about everything and soooo sleep deprived - i now realise that every mummy goes through similar (apart from the few which all seem to be my friends that pop out babies after a few niggles and pushes and home within few hours eating mcdonalds) makesa me sick lol!!!!

    with the sleep thing i found what helped was hubby stayed up late and did a late night feed and i went to bed about 8pm then i got a good chunk of sleep knowing the hubby was up with him downstairs, then when he came bed he brought him up after feed then i would get up to do a night feed and the early morning - it was the only way i could cope as i have never felt tiredness like it!!!

    see if your oh will do this and get to bed early, for a week you wont be able to settle if you hear him y downstairs -i kept getting up and runjning down but then i settled and made sure i got that sleep incase was going to be up all night!!!


  • I would say dont look. I never did, just get hv to check you are healing ok.
    If your piles dont clear up with normal cream go to Drs for steroids. I suffered with these even before pregnancy and again have never looked. They feel bad enough.
    Then go out and buy some fake tan, boots own is good. I never used it before baby but as you dont always have time for make up etc it really does help you feel a bit better when you have that sunkissed glow.
    Then go to hairdressers, get a cut and blow dry, The time away from lo will do you good, and along with the tan you'll feel a million dollars (well nearly anyway)
    Spoil yourself, you deserve it.
  • ive just looked for your birth story but cant find it - whats it under??? and is it in the birth stories bit or on here???

  • i'd say dont look too, i never, i just didnt want to for ages. As already said, if you need reasurrance that your healing ok ask HV. Also, i found that just slapping on a bit of mascara helped me feel a better about myself. Your body's just done the most amazin thing for you and will take a bit of time to heal, but its all normal and will improve with time, i promise xx
  • I had harri 7 months ago and had a 2nd deg tear, will it look differnent....... "down there"? I
    ts never occured to me to look?
    hmmmm, im confused now.Will i notice a difference?

    Also,,,,,in what measurments do they tell wether your tear is 1st 2nd or 3rd deg? if mine was 2nd deg how big was is?

    [Modified by: sunnymum21 on July 29, 2008 10:27 PM]

  • a copy of my birth story for those who didn't get to read it! xx

    Hiya Girls!

    It feels like FOREVER since I've been able to get on here! withdrawals! lol

    Right here is my birth story.. i'd advice if your about to go into labour it's proberly best not to read this! just to warn!

    Right I went to hospital Thursday 10th July at 2 pm to have a sweep done.. was sent home and told to return at 8 pm for a proper induction if that didn't work.. it didn't so went home and OH made me a lovely meal got my stuff ready and we headed back up to the hospital for 8pm.

    Was given some of the gel (2mg) at 10pm to which I reacted very strongly to and I had Hyper contractions every 2 mins which were very strong and painful.. they made OH leave me at 1ish because my body was working very hard but nothing was happening.. my OH promised to return at 10am if he didn't get a call before hand. At 3am I was really distressed I lay in my bed crying alone listening to the other women around me screaming which put the fear of god into me.. tears streamed down my face, I looked for a midwife to get some pain relief but I couldn't find one on the ward and where and I got back into bed and I watched the clock waiting for my OH to come back up.. 10am arived & he wasn't there.. well I sobbed.. I was so scared & sore.. my lovely consultant came in just at that point doing her rounds checked the monitor and seen my contractions that had been regestered and asked me if I wanted some proper pain relief.. and I got a shot of pethined (Mmm.. very good stuff!) 10:10am he strolls in with lots lovely things he picked up from the hospital shop for me.. hence being 10mins late.. and I was super chilled and and loved up, but I had been on the phone just before the consultant walked in to him so he'd known I was tearful.

    He stayed with me and stroked my face and back untill I fell a sleep.. and kept saying sorry i'm late I just thought you might like some bits.. bless! It was only 10 mins but when you've watched the clock all night it felt like forever!

    Had some gas n air and was given more Gel friday night again.. was pretty much a repeat of the night before but More women screaming at 0 - 3 cm's diolated! I'm sure it was just fear.. I was silent as a lamb the whole way though just untill the pushing bit..but they really did scared me.. more than the pain i think.. My OH stayed with me again & tried some of the gas and Air .. it was the funnest thing watching him... Id have some when a contraction came and he'd be watching the monitor and when it was wearing off he'd say 'my turn hand it over' all the women were hooked up to matchines so you could hear all the babies heartbeats really loudly.. at which point my OH started to dance to them.. saying this stuff is GREAT they should sell it in clubs! then wetting him self laughing... I told him if he suck on the pipe any harder and he'd make a lovely friend for someone in prison! and to give it back!!

    they sent him home at 3am because the labour ward was 'to busy' so they wouldn't allow me to progress any further.. they gave me another shot of pethindine to help me sleep..

    all day sat had the contractions but still wouldn't let me progress because they were 'too busy.. but when a bed came up in labour ward they would transfer me..and I was most defo next'..

    A few women came in who had gone into labour naturally and were quite far progressed and screaming so they were que jumped in front as there's couldn't be delayed.. but by this point I really was getting exasuated! and emotionally drained the fear is the worst part I felt!

    Sunday - asked for more gas and air and was promised all day that I would be moved over as nearly the whole time I was there I had been getting strong contractions every two mins.. my OH was sooo good such a darling looking after me.. the day shift had told me that they would move me as soon as the rooms had been cleared from the women who where in labour currently in them.. however when the evening shift came on.. the other women who had only been induced that evening were screaming.. me and my OH heared the evening staff saying they couldn't listen to that.. so they would send them over first because i was quite.. I burst into tears.. my OH got really cross as I honestly wasn't able for much more.. he stormed up to the midwife station told them he had heard what they had said that that if I wasn't moved next that he would be taking me private because what they were doing was inhumane and barbarrick. I think they were a bit taken back that he had actually heard what they had said and although he was very cross he was not agressive.. they threaterned sercurity on him.. he said call them if you want.. but if I go she is coming with me and i'll be taking her to another hospital and putting in a formal complain about you.. they shit them selves..

    thank goodness.. he also demaned another canister of gas and air as mine had almost run out.. which they were more than obliging because they had been cause out! lol trust him!

    I think I was moved an hour later! just goes to show they tell you they are busy and have 'no room' but they managed it when they thought there would be a complaint!

    so this was my forth night with labour..

    they gave me the drip of sentosis (sp) I had an epidural - I hadn't ruled it out but wasn't my first choice to have one but after being in labour so long already I was just simply not able to bare much more.. I progressed quite quickly and was fully diolated! It was painful and it hurt.. but was managable I think the fear/waitting was the worse part.. so far..

    They gave me an hours break and then came the pushing! honeslty I felt like my insides were falling out.. and it was really confusing trying to work out how to push.. for this part I had NO Pain relief!! my god it HURT! I begged for a C-Section but I was too far gone.. my bum had gone num and was starting to get pressure sore but I was paralised so was unable to move myself.. I just begged my OH for water.. as the midwife screamed/shouted at me to push harder.. the sweat!! It's the hardest thing to do ever.. they weren't joking when they called it labour.. I pushed and pushed they kept telling me 'I can see the head' and the midwife dragged my OH down the bissiness end to have a look the baby got stuck so they had to cut me.. the sissors were massive and i had no pain relief so was really scared but you are so glad once it's been done.. NEVER thought i'd hear myself say I was glad someone hacked at my privates with a massive pair of sissors.. but you are trust me!

    A few more pushes and he was out! They rushed him off and cleaned him up and tried to give him to me.. but I felt funny I just kept saying him him to his dad i'm not able - at which point I had a MAJOR hemoridge (sp) and lots well over a liter of blood my OH said it was just like a fountain and just kepted coming.. 6 years weve been together and i've NEVER seen him cry but he was sobbing & said it was the hardest thing to watch the person you love the most go through so much.. the crash team were rushed in I think my OH said there was like 13 midwifes doctors ect in the room.. I don't really rmember this bit to well as I was so poorly..

    they stopped the bleeding eventually.. and I had to be sticked up down below.. OW!

    My OH whom had wanted a football team of children told me he was getting the snip because he could NEVER watch me go through that again.. I looked at my baby across the room.. my eyes filled with tears and I replied saying.. 'i'd do it all again in a heart beat to have him again, ive fallen in love' my OH looked bewilliedered.. but wondered over to the baby.. and he'd his hands... & I watched him fall in love then and there!

    I got like waves of love come over me for both of them.. and it's true what they say about forgetting.. the facts about many have had to be retold to me because I simply can't remember.. doctors would ask me about a certain part and i'd like at my OH lost and for the answers.. in someways i think it was far worse for him because he had to watch it all and had no hormones makeing him forget..

    I had to have a blood transfusion I was meant to have 3 pints but my vain colasped after two and they couldn't get a vein anywhere else.. believe me it wasn't for the want of trying.. feet, legs, groin, hands, wrists, side arm, inside elbow.. near sholder.. was going to try for the neck next but I asked if they could see if the two pints would help first..

    I spent over a week in hospital.. they wanted to keep me another but I begged to go home.. My OH has been a star and really looking after me.. unforunitly the day i went into hospital my mum was rushed into hospital by abulence as well and spent the same about of time there so were couldnt really see each other..

    I feel like my body has been tramisted!brusted, battered, cut, sore, swollen, piles, bleeding, saggy tummy.. I was told by doctors/midwifes that I was lucky to be hear at all.. I am a bit tearful after it all..

    but do you know what.. I love him so much! it was worth every sec/min/hour/day.. he is beautiful... such a georgous child.. i'm so in love.. i can't stop looking at him, wanting to touch him.. give him kisses and cuddles and i'm sure were both driving those around us mad saying .. 'ahh look how sweet he is he is yawning in his sleep' lol but you just can't help it!

    Daddy is off getting his first tattoo done for our baby..

    He was 8lbs and 6 ounces but I was induced nearly 3 weeks early! & we have a name!!! we have called him Charlie Daniel Jack... he was born on the 13th July at 9:52pm..

    we will be having a break.. lol but I certainly wouldn't let it put me off having more.. but for now there just arn't enought hours in the day lol.. finding it hard just to keep on top of day to day living.. and Charlie is a very good baby.. very placid and easy to passify while waitting for food.. only cry's when he is hungry or naked!

    for those of you who are about to have babies and have read this dispite my warning lol you do loose all dignity.. but do you know what you just wont care! xxx

    that's it for now.. got LOADS more to tell you all but need to go and have a cuddle!

    lol.. MWAH!!! xxxxxxx
  • sunnymum21 - mine was a 3rd degree tear. i split from front to back and had the tear up into the muscle in my bum! i had a spinal block and was taken to theatre to be sewn up. it took them 1 hour 30 mins to stitch me up.

  • made me laugh and nearlty cry reading that, but when you start worrying about the state of your body re-read it,

    "but do you know what.. I love him so much! it was worth every sec/min/hour/day.. he is beautiful... such a georgous child.. i'm so in love.. i can't stop looking at him, wanting to touch him.. give him kisses and cuddles and i'm sure were both driving those around us mad saying .. 'ahh look how sweet he is he is yawning in his sleep' lol but you just can't help it!"

    gave me a tear reading it!!! its lovely and i agree, i'd do mine all again in a heartbeat! they are worth every stretchmark right through to every exra bit of belly i think...ou've made me go all mushy thinking about my baby again! xxx
  • so was mine pretty big then? wish ide have looked now
  • hi hun just a quick reply, piles arghhh my 7 week old baby will never appreciate what ive gone thru as he is a boy! lol. germaloids cream or spray is fab, also alternate between cold compress .i used a maternity pad that i stuck in the freezer (funny thing to have in the ice compartment i know) and a hot bath. my jelly belly is awful but as he's my third i know i can get it flat again if i try. im so glad that even after all u went thru uve had no probs bonding with baby, u must be a really strong person. ido think it might be good for u and ur partner to talk to ur midwife about the birth just get it out in the open what scared u or what u feel could have been explained better. it might help u come to terms with it all n make sure ur not traumatised incase u want more xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • oh my flippin god! just googled perineal tears and ished i hadnt! holly mother of god!!!!!!!!!!!
    think ive gone blind!

    Awww hun just read ur birth story! have to say i welled up a bit too! sniff sniff! Unfortunatley although i love him more than life, i didnt ave that rush of love when i had harri, i new i loved him more than anything but i didnt get that wave hit me,,, makes me cry just thinking about it, i dunnno wht i didnt but there you go.

    anyway congratulations sweety!

    [Modified by: sunnymum21 on July 29, 2008 11:07 PM]

  • well.. i'm certainly not ready to google any images as off yet been in tears all evening! x
  • Hey you,
    Congratulations on your gorgeous son, it's nice to see the pregnancy people coming over.
    I haven't read your birth story, even on this post, as I am still too traumatised from my own experience. However, picking up bits from the replies, I get bits of the picture.
    I was taken in to be induced, had blood pressure crashing, epidurals that didn't work, foetal distress and finally an emergency section, after which I lost 3 pints of blood.
    I cried solidly for the first 31/2 weeks, I thought I was going mad, I didn't want Kyle to waken up so I didn't have to feed him, I couldn't breast feed, I didn't bond with him, my scar is ok but has given me a stomach which looks held in by a bunch of staples. And my oh says he will never watch me go through that kind of pain again.
    But Kyle is 61/2 weeks now and things are getting easier. I'm still on iron tablets, still bleeding vaginally and still leaking milk, despite not bf!,
    but the tears have stopped and the scars are healing. I think hormones do really kick in to make it disapear into the depths of your memory.
    Give yourself time to recover, I can't emphasise that enough, everyone kept telling me the same and they really are right. Talk to people, it'll help straighten things out in your mind, and don't worry about having a good cry. My mw recommended looking at your stitches/scar because they won't be as bad as you expect. Worked for me but each to their own.
    And ditto, I would do it all again if it was the only way to get Kyle.
    Mel xx
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