Selfish for not wanting more?

Hi ladies

My ds is 6 months old and I absolutely love him to bits. I'd always thought I would have 2 or 3 children but now that he's here and I'm a mum I'm not sure if I want any more. I don't know if I could handle another one - emotionally or financially.

I have a brother myself and we are really close. I don't know what I would do without him - and I feel I'm depriving my lo of having that close bond of a brother or sister.

I feel its the right thing for me but is it fair on him?
Am I being selfish?


  • No!
    I'm one of 4 and although my childhood was fab I always knew that I only wanted one child myself.
    I watched my mum struggle financially and emotionally (my dad left when by youngest brother was about 4 months old) and I decided that one child was enough for me!
    Poppy is 8 months old and I can't imagine having to share the love I feel for her with another child.
    As long as they have friends & family that love them and don't get everything they want when they want it our 'only' children should grow up well adjusted.
  • Agree with Donna, you do whats best for your family. I see no point in having another one either. My son is everything & with our lifestyle (being cross culteral & having family 9k miles away in Asia) having anoher child would put a lot of financial pressure on us resulting in not being able to see my husbands family every year. So one it is.
  • personally i would love my lo to have siblings as i couldn't imagine having a small family but i believe it is just as selfish to have more (or even any) children if you know you cant cope, don't want them or whatever, in the same way others say its selfish to only have one (or none at all). it's personal preference, you know your own mind and you do it for the right reasons, what's selfish about that!
    however you never know in time you may feel differently anyway and there's nothing wrong with that either.
  • Oh no, you're not selfish at all - I have a sister and there are 17 months between us - she is lovely but oh god the arguments we had when we were younger! I also have 2 step siblings and a half brother that I grew up with, so really I am one of 5. I love them all - but i still fantasise about being an only child! Haha!
  • I have always intended to have only one and even though I sometimes get a slight thought about having another (god only knows why when I had such a horrible pregnancy) I really can't see me changing my mind.
    I would have to quit work, we would be unable to provide in the same way and would not be able to spend much time together as a family, so I think for me it would be selfish to have another.
    That and I'm too bloody tired to do the deed to get pregnant again lol!
  • You are not selfish at all - I was an only child and perfectly happy that way. I'm not planning another one, I'm far too scared I'd get preclempsia again or that the baby is premature again. I also don't think I could handle it emotionally, I'm a natural worrier, worrying bout more than oen would probably drive me insane!
  • I know, you're all right. If I had another one I know I wouldn't be happy - and that's not good for any children.

    I keep thinking that LO is missing out on not having brother/sister, but if he's never had one, he won't know the difference anyway...

    Thanks, guys! image
  • think of it another way.... if he had a sibling then him and new one would both be missing out on a happy mummy, dont beat yourself up about it, everyone is different and a choice not compulsary x
  • You are not selfish at all, I am looking at it from the other side though as being an only child I was very lonely at times although never having siblings I don't know whether things would have been different, however I can't imagine only having 1 child probably for that very reason however its such a personal thing and i certainly don't think you should feel guilty or required to anything differently. x
  • It's totally personnal preference.
    My hubby's Granny was an only child & hated it & went on to have 8 kids of her own - her main reasons for wanting siblings was later in life when her parents passed away & she had to make all the decisions herself, situations like that etc.
    I have a friend who was an only child until she was 11 then her little sister came along - she hated having a sibling as she had been the centre of attention until then, they get on now though!
    I am the youngest of 3 & like having siblings but things that I noticed were that my parents didn't come to many of my school concerts/parents evenings in high school as they had been to the same stuff twice over before! boo hoo! But they had more money by the time I came along & my sisters had knackered most clothes/toys so I got more new stuff than them! lol!
    I always said I wanted six! But after going through labour for the first time last year I was like 'NO MORE! Ahhhh!' but I am pregnant again...I thought it would be better to get another one over & done with but then I'll leave it for a couple of years & as my sister put it 'just think of what kind of car you would have to buy/drive if you had six kids!'
    Now I've had a baby I can totally understand why people only have one as it is so exhausting & all the groups/parties/etc all add up money wise.
    Your life, your choice.

Sign In or Register to comment.

Featured Discussions