i feel gutted!

hi girls i dont mean to upset or offend anyone but i need to get it of my chest. was talking to my mate this morning and she was worried as she ahd bleeding and stomach cramps.. i told her to go to fhu but not to worry to much as she was over her 12 weeks and chsnces of mc were much less...

she has just rung to say she has lost the baby at 14 weeks. im so gutted! i dunno what to say to her i feel guilty that im carying a healthy baby at 23 weeks. i dunno what to say to her and im sure im the last person she is gunna wanna be around..
she has got to go back in tomorrow to have the baby delivered. how can they leave someone 24 hours knowing that ther baby is not there anymore.? its sick.

thought the pregnancy forum wasnt the best place to post this so u lot get it!



  • Oh babe this happened to us in 2006 and has to be the worst thing we've ever been through. She will really appreciate your support but like you say maybe on the phone or text instead for a bit?
    My best friend found out she was pregnant just after we lost our lo and I couldn't see her for a long time but that was because I was an total idiot-nothing to do with her or her lo.
    Take care and hope your friend pulls through.xx
  • Poor thing - that really isn't nice and I feel so sorry for your friend. Try not to feel guilty though but I agree with Zoey, just give her a quick text to let her know you are thinking of her but then let her approach you when she's ready.
    This happened to me too (although I wasn't as far as your friend) and one of my closest friends was pregnant and I know she felt really awkward but we had a chat after a week and everything was fine.xxxx
  • aw this is terrible. you obviously care very much about your friend, you can tell by your post. i would stick to phone calls and texts. tell her she is welcome at yours anytime then if she feels ok to see you and your bump she can come to you.
  • Ahh thats so sad for her. The same thing happened when I pregnant with Ashton. My friend was 6 weeks ahead of me lost her baby at 18 weeks. Although she didn't stop speaking to me she also didn't go out of her way to see me either if that makes sense? However the 1st time we had a proper chat was when I was in labour and she came to tell me she might be my midwife, lol. She is now fine and completly dotes on ashton.
    I would just give her some space and allow her to deal with it in her own way, maybe just send a text saying u are thinking of her and will be there whenever she feels ready. xxx
  • hi, really sorry to hear this- i was in a similar situation in aug when i was 36wks, my sil was 12wks wen she had a missed miscarriage. we get on quite well and i felt exactly the same as u, i felt like i was rubbing her face in it. my advice would be let her come to u, i told my sil that i was there for her if she needed me, and she did me to talk to, she said that it didnt want the situation to affect our relationship. she still sruggles now and is jus starting counselling. it will be hard and it does take time, but make sure she knows ur there if she needs u. xxx
  • How sad :\(

    I imagine the reason she will have been left till tomorrow is because she will need a GA and they can't perform that when she will have had food and drink
  • have been talking to her all afternoon on msn and that she is devestated bless her. she knows im here for her thanks for all the replies just needed to get it out! xx
  • Oh thats awful news, so sorry to hear that.

    A long time ago my cousin found out at her 20 week scan that she'd lost her baby and I thought the same as you - how can they leave someone with their baby inside them but having gone through a mmc (found out at 12 week scan) I now understand that you need time to get your head round what has happened before having to do anything. Its bad enough being told you've lost a baby but for me and I'd guess most people being told they would have to be admitted immediately would have been even worse - and being given the time to go home and have some space does help.

    So long as she knows you are there for her and she's talking to you thats all you can do for the moment - it will be hard for her when your lo arrives but please don't feel guilty that your lo ok - I',m sure she wouldn't want you to.

  • oh honey what a horrid situation for your friend! Though i'm sure she won't hold anything against you for having a healthy baby babe, she will appreciate your support now as much as ever i'm sure!

    i'm afraid i don't have any advice or anything but i feel for both of you!

    i was sound asleep in bed the other night when a text message woke me up and the first thing that popped into my head, within a split second was "stacey (SIL) has lost the baby" and a horrible feeling washed over me. The text was just a drunken mate being daft, but since then ive not been able to shift the awful feeling that somethings not right, she is approx 15weeks, and was due her first scan today at 4pm. i've not heard anything yet but am terrified somethings wrong with their baby!!

    sorry... just crashed your post a bit there
  • I don't know what to say babe i went through a smiler thing with a friend of mine, i was around 20 weeks pregnant at the time and she was 34 weeks pregnant. and she lost her little one. i just never knew what to say to her and avoided talking to her about my pregnancy and i get the feeling she felt guilt in the end because i should have been happy and talking about my baby but never did around her, i only answered questions that she asked and in the smallest of details as i never wanted to upset her.
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