Want 2 leave my OH, please help me!

I love my fella so so so much, but now i've got a big saggy belly, tonne's of stretch marks n have gone 2 a size 18-20 since having lo! I'm driving myself mad with paranoia, i think he doesnt love me n is only with me 4 brooke's sake, there's no way he can possibly find me attractive n i've convinced myself that he's cheatin on me with everyone! I even had a dream that he was sleepin with his brother's gf! I know in my heart of hearts that he'd never cheat but thinkin of it all the time is driving me insane! I want 2 leave him coz then he'll be free 2 do what he wants n i'll be able 2 stop my mental torture! But then it would still feel like he was cheatin coz i'd still love him n it wouldnt be fair on lo 2 be away from her dad! Please help me, i just dont know what 2 do 4 the best! X

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  • oh honey!! sorry to hear how down you are, but it's really really not as bad as youre making out, surely?

    it doesnt matter if your a size 8 or 18, i garantee your hubby loves you to pieces, loves every part of you and thinks you are beautiful! You're the mother of his child hun!! You stretch marks and wobbly tum are only there as your mummy war wounds from producing your child and you should be proud of that sweety.

    Don't beat yourself up, but if your size upsets you, how about you join a slimming club? Or even just treat yourself to some pampering or a haircut or something at the weekened to give you a quick fix confidence boost?

    I do believe that a heart to heart with your hubby would do the world of good for your relationship so maybe sit him down and be honest about how you're feeling. I imagine all he'll do is put your mind at rest and make you feel special and loved!

    You really don't have to leave him though, that is a bit drastic sweety. perhaps you could get some councilling for your paranoia? or some sort of relationship therapy?

    hope you feel better soon chick. chin up X
  • im going to be honest with you and tell you to speak to your OH,relationships go alot easier if people just talk to each other,im the same as you after having Lennon im a size 16-18 but ive told my hubby how i feel about myself and he was very supportive and has understood my body is not going to be like when we met,i put on 4 stone with Lennon but will be there to help me lose it

    Please just talk to him you might be surprised about the support he will give you x x
  • Hun - he may find you more attractive now you've got your lo! I must admit I didn't put on much weight when pregnant (only had small bump & baby) and I did not get many stretch marks BUT I do have a wobbly belly still but my oh loves it as he knows it's because of our lo!
    I really do think you need to tell your oh what you have told us. You will probably be pleasantly surprised by what he has to say. You have not said on your post that he has commented on your looks etc so I'm guessing he's not too concerned. Do you have any other relationship problems that have made you feel like this?
    Talk to him!! xx
  • Oh hun, what a horrible way to be feeling. I definitely think you need to speak to your oh and explain how you are feeling- I am sure that you will e pleasantly surprised. He would probably be gutted if he knew that you felt this way.

    I agree with linziMc that a new haircut or similar might give you a bit more confidence. Also, is it possible for you to have a bit of baby-free time with your oh, maybe go out for an evening? That might help you to feel more like yourself again and not 'just' a mummy.

  • I agree about the haircut. It sounds trivial but I did the same thing. I had shoulder length bob when Charlotte born a year ago. Then cos of hormones it started to fall out a little and it took ages to look after so I ended up not doing it properly as not got time. I have pnd and have felt pretty bad at times - but late last year I thought it was time for a change. So my sis who is a hairdresser cut all my hair off really short (bit like Posh's is now) and coloured it - and wow! Oh thought it was fantastic and everyone I met (and meet) says how great it looks etc. So it made me feel tons better and I was getting the attention as well as Charlotte - lol!
    Made me feel like me again (well - a new me) and not just Charlotte's mummy xx
  • its difficult because we dont have our own place at the min so we're livin in each others pockets and i stay at my mums a few nights a week so when i'm not there i convince myself that he must be with another girl! i really dont know where i've got this idea from! he says he thinks i'm still as beautiful as the day we met but sometimes i think he's just sayin it coz he thinks its what i wanna hear!!

    have decided we are leaving lo with SIL on weds n we are gonna go 2 cinema, had my hair coloured last week so will make an effort 2 blow dry it n put some make up on!

    lo is only 6 weeks so gonna speak 2 HV n see what she thinks re PND, dont want OH 2 think i'm fishing 4 complements so am gonna try n talk 2 him but prob just about the cheatin thing n my low self esteem!!

    thanks 4 advice girls, feel a bit better now!! xx
  • I sympathise with you 100% hon!

    I have been exactely the same with my DH - even dreaming hes cheating with my best friend (who recently has lost loads of weight) BUT I have now told him how I feel andin fact just made him read your post to prove I am not insane and the only one who feels like this.

    TALK TO YOUR OH hon - he can motivate you, give you confidence and reassure you. Since I have spoken to my DH our relationship has got 100 x better and I bet once you get this out in the open yours will too.

    Do the stuff that makes you feel better, bit of make up etc and it really really does help! My lowest days are definately the ones where I sit about in a trackie feeling like crap - now I try nearly everyday to make an effort somehow and it has helped me in my own mind!

    Glad you hear you are feeling a bit better but very soon I know you will feel a lot better.

    Loadsa Love
    Lee
    xxxxx
  • hiya hun, before i had jayden i was a size 10, now im a size 16, i have loads of stretch marks on tum,thighs,hips and i have teabags 4 boobs!! lol i felt well still feel very doen coz of this too, and i started picking fights with hubby and accusing him of not fancing me etc etci have been very mean too him then in the end i spoke to him about it, best thing i could off done!, he reasured me he fancys the pants off me and loves and respects me more for giving birth to our little miracal, also i love my food soo much but decided enough enoghs and have been having ceral 4 brekkie soup for dinner/ or a healthy sandwich, and having what i want for tea, and just having fruit as snacks, but no food after 6 and so far so good iv lost a few pound! and trust me if i can do it you can, i love food sooo much lol also iv been excersing more, walking etc and i feel better in myself! so please hun speak to ur partner, dont ruin a good thing just coz the way you feel about ur self there is somthng you can do.... lots of loves xx xxx xxxx
  • i agree with all the others, honey!!

    even if you dont have PND, at the moment you and your body are under a lot of stress - sleepless / broken nights, a new baby to care for, and she is only 6 weeks old!

    someone once told me about baby weight -

    "9 months on, 9 months off",

    so you still have 7 1/2 months before you get anywhere near your pre-preg weight!!!

    i'm still 1/2 stone more than when i caught with my first nearly 8yrs ago, and it has got to the stage where even he laughs at my floppy boobs!! (once called "saggy" after i had just breast fed my second! - i can assure you my oh never called them that again!)

    as the others have all said, your body is the result of something that you and your oh created together - i should imagine if you left him from this insecurity, he's be devastated!

    have the talk, and i'm sure you will look back in a few weeks and smile

    xxxxxxxxxx
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