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Want 2 leave my OH, please help me!
in Baby
I love my fella so so so much, but now i've got a big saggy belly, tonne's of stretch marks n have gone 2 a size 18-20 since having lo! I'm driving myself mad with paranoia, i think he doesnt love me n is only with me 4 brooke's sake, there's no way he can possibly find me attractive n i've convinced myself that he's cheatin on me with everyone! I even had a dream that he was sleepin with his brother's gf! I know in my heart of hearts that he'd never cheat but thinkin of it all the time is driving me insane! I want 2 leave him coz then he'll be free 2 do what he wants n i'll be able 2 stop my mental torture! But then it would still feel like he was cheatin coz i'd still love him n it wouldnt be fair on lo 2 be away from her dad! Please help me, i just dont know what 2 do 4 the best! X
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Replies
it doesnt matter if your a size 8 or 18, i garantee your hubby loves you to pieces, loves every part of you and thinks you are beautiful! You're the mother of his child hun!! You stretch marks and wobbly tum are only there as your mummy war wounds from producing your child and you should be proud of that sweety.
Don't beat yourself up, but if your size upsets you, how about you join a slimming club? Or even just treat yourself to some pampering or a haircut or something at the weekened to give you a quick fix confidence boost?
I do believe that a heart to heart with your hubby would do the world of good for your relationship so maybe sit him down and be honest about how you're feeling. I imagine all he'll do is put your mind at rest and make you feel special and loved!
You really don't have to leave him though, that is a bit drastic sweety. perhaps you could get some councilling for your paranoia? or some sort of relationship therapy?
hope you feel better soon chick. chin up X
Please just talk to him you might be surprised about the support he will give you x x
I really do think you need to tell your oh what you have told us. You will probably be pleasantly surprised by what he has to say. You have not said on your post that he has commented on your looks etc so I'm guessing he's not too concerned. Do you have any other relationship problems that have made you feel like this?
Talk to him!! xx
I agree with linziMc that a new haircut or similar might give you a bit more confidence. Also, is it possible for you to have a bit of baby-free time with your oh, maybe go out for an evening? That might help you to feel more like yourself again and not 'just' a mummy.
Made me feel like me again (well - a new me) and not just Charlotte's mummy xx
have decided we are leaving lo with SIL on weds n we are gonna go 2 cinema, had my hair coloured last week so will make an effort 2 blow dry it n put some make up on!
lo is only 6 weeks so gonna speak 2 HV n see what she thinks re PND, dont want OH 2 think i'm fishing 4 complements so am gonna try n talk 2 him but prob just about the cheatin thing n my low self esteem!!
thanks 4 advice girls, feel a bit better now!! xx
I have been exactely the same with my DH - even dreaming hes cheating with my best friend (who recently has lost loads of weight) BUT I have now told him how I feel andin fact just made him read your post to prove I am not insane and the only one who feels like this.
TALK TO YOUR OH hon - he can motivate you, give you confidence and reassure you. Since I have spoken to my DH our relationship has got 100 x better and I bet once you get this out in the open yours will too.
Do the stuff that makes you feel better, bit of make up etc and it really really does help! My lowest days are definately the ones where I sit about in a trackie feeling like crap - now I try nearly everyday to make an effort somehow and it has helped me in my own mind!
Glad you hear you are feeling a bit better but very soon I know you will feel a lot better.
Loadsa Love
Lee
xxxxx
even if you dont have PND, at the moment you and your body are under a lot of stress - sleepless / broken nights, a new baby to care for, and she is only 6 weeks old!
someone once told me about baby weight -
"9 months on, 9 months off",
so you still have 7 1/2 months before you get anywhere near your pre-preg weight!!!
i'm still 1/2 stone more than when i caught with my first nearly 8yrs ago, and it has got to the stage where even he laughs at my floppy boobs!! (once called "saggy" after i had just breast fed my second! - i can assure you my oh never called them that again!)
as the others have all said, your body is the result of something that you and your oh created together - i should imagine if you left him from this insecurity, he's be devastated!
have the talk, and i'm sure you will look back in a few weeks and smile
xxxxxxxxxx