finding things difficult :(

Today hubby and I decided we need to start a routine of sorts with Riley, he's almost a month old and he has been fed on demand and falls asleep on us as and when we wants to. Last night we tried to have a bottle of wine with dinner but Riley woke up screaming so hubby had to hold him while I ate and vice versa.

We have to bottle feed him due to his PKU he has to have protein free formula as well as 14oz of regular formula spread over 5 feeds. At just shy of 4 weeks he will happily down 5oz in one go. He is fed roughly every 4 hours but tonight he had 5oz and 2 1/2 hours later wanted more!!

I suggested to hubby we bath him, feed him and try to put him down in his cot in the nursery tonight as he has been in his moses basket in our room. We tried it but I just couldn't do it and sat in the nursery sobbing at the idea of leaving him there. I really just can't bring myself to do it.

He just seems so unhappy I don't know what I'm doing wrong. My husband totally understands and supports me in whatever I do but I feel like I'm failing somehow but I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. Both me and hubby hold him for hours, he is fed, clean, but still he cries and cries.

Its so frustrating and disheartening, why can't I do this. Having a baby is the most natural thing in the world so why is it so difficult?


  • Hi hun

    I completely feel your pain- I've just posted a very similar thing in here - have a read, some of the ladies have written of their own experiences and offered some advice which might help you too.

  • Hi hun, I've just replied on MG's post too - think it must be the hardest thing in the world for you to deal with the PKU thing - such a shocking thing to come to terms with.

    I think your idea of a bedtime routine is a really good one and it's never too early to start a 'feed- bath- songs/books etc- feed- cuddles- bed' type routine.

    But, one month is still very early days to introduce a daytime routine - by all means try if that is what you want - but don't put yourself under any pressure to because 'you feel he should be in a routine by now'. It's fine to be completely babyled at this age.

    I would have had a pretty hard time putting baby in his own room too at 1mth - it's natural to feel so attached to them you don't want to let them out of your sight!

    Sorry probably not much help - but just wanted to say don't put yourself under any pressure - just enjoy being babyled and him falling asleep on you if that's what you want!

    I found mine fell into a routine fairly naturally at around 4months-ish.

    Lol - just modified cos it didn't make sense!

    [Modified by: ~ Tottie ~ on May 30, 2010 10:08 PM]

  • I also replied on MG's post. We tried to implement a routine at that age but it never stuck, and we tried again at 9 weeks (only a bathtime routine) and its gone better. We toyed with the idea of having him in his cot in his own room but I'm really lazy and cant be bothered getting up and going through whenever he wakes so we moved the cot in our room and its the perfect solution for us.
    And dont let this alarm you but I rarely eat a meal in peace now, he seems to know exactly when its a mealtime and wakes up/starts grizzling. DH often has to cut my food up so I can eat one handed!
  • hi chick i eould agree with tottie when reece was 4 weekshe just was on my boob all the time i lived on the sofa he didn't sleep at all it was madness lol at 6 weeks it got better, at 8 weeks better again etc etc he is now almost 13 weeks and if he doesn't go for naos during the day (which will only happen on the school run with my 5 year old, he still womt go down for a sleep during the day unless in the car and at night falls asleep on me before he'll go down) he feeds almost every hour - DO NOT WORRY - its normal and it will get better, i find the first 3 months are the worst and when you start to wean them and they eat their wee dinners they fall into their own we natrual routine xx

    re bedtime i've done the same since birth re bath dimmed lights etc so they learn day and night even if they dont sleep much during either!!
  • we started a bedtime routine at around the 3 week mark and within a week things had improved hugely. We would give a small feed (3oz) before lo's bath at 6.30pm ish and then give him another feed after when he was all smelling lovely and in his pj's and in the room where he would sleep (we moved him into his nursery at 5 weeks as he was a noisy sleeper!) we used to put a hot water bottle in the crib to pre-warm it as its the only way he would settle (it was december so rather chilly) we would also swaddle and tuck him in tight so he felt secure. Sometimes he would cry the minute we put him in his crib but i would just pick him up and comfort him until he stopped and then did it again, we also used a cot light with music which was brilliant as it used to send him into a daze! once we had established this routine it meant me and OH could have a bit of an evening, eat our dinner and generally be baby free for even a few hours. Our LO would normally wake up at around 9pm for another feed and i would always feed him upstairs in dim light as this was classed as a night feed, we would then resettle him in the same way again and go to bed ourselves! We still do this routine although no longer do a split feed at bath time, and our LO has slept through 7pm-7am since he was 15 weeks. Gradually his 9pm feed got later and later until he was doing a good 6 or 7 hour stretch and only feeding once in the night. At 4 weeks it is still early days but i assure you things do get better, i was still having tearful days at that stage which is a mixture of hormones and tiredness, if only these babies came out with an instrunction good would that be,

    good luck with everything

    Keeley and Rafferty 25weeks!
  • hi kayleigh. a bedtime routine is a good idea as it gets them used to the different time of day. but i dont understand why you are putting baby in his own room at 4 weeks? is there a special reason for this, as the health professionals all recommend rooming in for 6 months. my dd doesnt leave my side and is 10 weeks. i would find breastfeeding her more difficult if she wasnt next to me during the night. our day time is go with the flow. dont try to make things more difficult for yourslef by trying to implement a routine so early. speak to your hv. my dr said no point this early too at my 6 wk check.
  • I implemented a bedtime routine from 5 weeks and my LO went into a cot in her own room then.

    She didn't like her moses basket and she was easily disturbed by us. She was far happier in her own room but then she does have an idependant streak lol.

    Are you getting the impression LO doesn't like the moses basket? If so I'd grit your teeth (I know it's hard I really do) and put him in a cot, maybe in your room if that is happier for you and baby.

    If you think he's being disturbed by you in the night perhaps put his moses basket in the cot. What we did when LO was in her own room was to leave door open, landing light on and our bedroom door open so she got background noise but not the loud volume of Daddy's snoring!

    I'd stick to the bedtime routine, it does help relax the babies even if it takes a while for them to start to anticipate what will happen. We did although it was the only bit of routine we had and our LO was a really good sleeper from about 1 week in her own room. Prior to that she was sleeping 2 hours tops and then feeding/crying for 2 hours while obviously exhausted.

    Good luck hun, we're all behind you x
  • I've been doing a bedtime routene of sorts for Sophie since last week and fingers crossed it seems to be working and she is learning the difference between night and day.

    We do bath / clean nappy and feed at 7.30 - 8pm and then down to bed. I then feed again at 11 and she wakes me for a feed during the night, usually at about 3am. I make sure the curtains are closed and lights off and she's upstairs after bath and clean nappy. I do go up with her (because I'm so tired!) and she is sleeping in with me. She is sleeping pretty well in the night so far.
  • I can only say what the other girls say which is that 4 weeks is still very little. I have always struggled with my children when they are that age I find it so difficult when you don't know what they are going to want then.

    Both my children had a sixth sense about dinner time and so often one of us would eat and then the other. We used to adjust when we ate so that it fitted in with the baby being asleep but that didn't always work.

    I can't offer a lot of help except that, what your baby is doing is pretty normal and definitely no reflection of you as a mum. Also (and I appreciate this probably doesn't help much) it really doesn't last long. By 6 weeks you'll notice a difference and then another in 8 weeks but you'll probably notice the difference by looking back rather than at the time ifyswim.

    I think a bedtime routine is always a good idea just don't have high expectations of him sticking to it. Our little man struggled with colic but every night I used to bath him and feed him in the nursery before putting him down and every night I used to end up bringing him down with us again screaming but now he goes down like a dream at night (he's 5 months).

    You don't say why you are trying to put him in his cot in the evening whether hes' outgrown his moses basket or that there is some reason you can't put him down in your room. Both my husband and I are in and out fo our bedroom in the evenings so when I started putting Sebastian to bed upstairs in the evenings I would put him in the moses basket in the cot in the nursery but then bring the moses basket into our room when we went to bed.

    Another couple of things you touched on:-

    He may start going through growth spurts from now on which may explain the extra feeding.

    I can understand why you would want to start having some time in the evenings on your own but he really will only be like this for a short space of time and when it's gone believe it or not you'll want it back!!
  • Hi, I'm not being funny but its hard all the way through. Its called being a parent.. It certainly doesn't get easier at all.. U will find at each stage of ur lo growing up every stage is hard.. U just learn to adapt n get use to it. Chin up n treasure the unsettled nights it u WILL miss it when lo grows up
  • tbh i agree with elmo here. i cant remember the last time i had any alcohol at all. we've not eaten at the same time more than a handful of times since she was born as even if she is asleep i dont like to leave her unattended in a different room.

    at 4 weeks dd was eating every 2 and a half hours all the time. it is only recently, now she is 10 weeks, that she goes longer, and that might only be 3-4 hours, but she is putting on a great deal of weight.

    i think if you know that your life revolves around the baby and his needs and you dont try to do the same things as you did before, then it might be easier to deal with. at 4 weeks the thought of putting her in her own room hadnt even crossed my mind and it still hasnt. she'll be with us for at least 6 months, nor the thought of wine. it sounds a little bit like you expect your life to be the same as it was before to some extent.

    how was last night?

    [Modified by: ***Calleigh*** on May 31, 2010 07:05 PM]

  • Hey kayleigh - Haven't got masses of advice as Matilda is only 6 weeks so I'm new to this too! What I would say is don't force anything - just do what you feel is right. If it's upsetting having Riley in his cot then simply don't do it - none of you will be happy. We moved Matilda into her cot on Sat as she looked cramped in her basket but we took the cot apart and put it up again in our room and (so far!) that seems to be working well. Could you do something similar?

    Also, I find a bedtime routine really useful - it's kind of like the full stop at the end of the day. I think (!) Matilda realises that too and I think it does help her go down.

    I see what Calleigh is saying about knowing your life is different and that if you resign yourself to not doing things you did before then you won't be disappointed if you can't do them but I disagree - we sit down together to eat every night (and a few of those nights a bottle of wine has been had too!) you just have to be flexible. I'm aware we can't say 'Dinner will be served at 7 pm prompt' but there is nothing to stop you having it simmering away (and the wine chilling) until Riley is settled. I really think it's important that you do try to do 'normal' things (like eat a hot dinner :lol: ) as well - I know that's largely what's kept me sane!

    Hope you feel better soon xxx
  • yes kaycee we do things we would have done before but if we dont as i dont expect to it doesnt bother me iykwim. for the first few weeks as i was bfing so frequently and so hungry too if i couldnt hold it in one hand i didnt get to eat it! toast for breakfast as i was bfing from the moment i woke up and so hungry i couldnt wait until she had finished.
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