Why do people have to be soooo nasty??

I just don't understand it!!
I was packing a picnic ready for our trip to the farm yesterday and realised we had no food to take. (Well we probably did, but nothing i fancied!!) So i thought i'd take a walk down to Morrisons to get something a bit more exciting! Now ordinarily i don't do things like that unless OH is home to watch Luca as he's a nightmare, but i figured i have to do it sometime, and as we were all going to the farm it would be a good trial run! So i put Luca in the pushchair, Bella went in her sling, and Jack was walking next to me.
Well, from the second i got out of my front door, all i got was filthy looks from everyone! They were staring at Luca in the pushchair, and yes, at four he is too big to be in a pushchair, but unfortunately autism doesnt take things like that in to account image :lol: and they were just looking at me in disgust. I might be young, but not that young (27 but i look younger because i'm so short) all the kids were clean and obviously looked after, which is more than i can say for a lot of other children in this area!
They were actually all very well behaved going around the shop, Jack was helping me put things in the basket, Luca was reenacting his favourite episode of big cook little cook, complete with actions, and Bella was doing her best to dazzle everyone around her with big smiles, so what on earth is the problem?? One man actually came up to me and said "if you want my advice love, either buy a double buggy or make that one walk!" as though i actually wanted his advice. I smiled nicely and told him i was perfectly happy to carry baby in the sling thanks. As is she, she loves being carried! (thanks again bedhead lol) I just don't get it, if i'm out with one or other of my kids i get smiles and compliments, so what difference does it make that i have 3?
Sorry to ramble, i just felt really good about the fact that i had managed it without any dramas tears or tantrums, and it was ruined by snobby people looking down their noses at me for no reason other than that they seemed to think if i have to push one and carrry one that i must have more than i can cope with, or that the only reason i didnt have a double was because i couldnt afford it or something (i can't, but that's neither here or there, as i don't want one) :x
On a good note, we did have a lovely time at the farm, i went with a group of mummies (and one daddy) which meant i had lots of help with Luca (i couldnt have done it on my own unless i'd kept him in the pushchair the whole time which i think would have been very unfair!) And our picnic was lovely!


  • People are just stupid frankly!

    I know from school trips with my autistic boys that autism is a really hard disability for the general public to grasp because the children 'look normal' and therefore people just catergorise them as 'naughty' when a child in a wheelchair etc is easier for the stupid public to 'see' as disabled.

    Anyway I will stop ranting - to me it sounds like a lovely shopping trip for yummy picnic food and a great day out! image
  • Hun - I know exactly how you feel! Because my boys are close in age (3,2,1) people thought it gave them the right to comment! "Dont you have a TV" or "my god how do you cope?" It really got to the point where I felt I could cry on the spot. Then I started to get the odd nice comment "arent your boys well behaved" or "arnt they polite" and I thought stuff those haters - they only stare and comment because they couldnt do it themselves.

    Well done to you! Ignore those snobs and be proud to be the mummy you are!!!

    p.s glad you had a lovely time on the farm!

    Elaine&boys xx
  • My brother's autistic and we got exactly the same. He also has problems with his legs so couldn't walk distances (and still can't) so was in a pushchair for years past 4 and now has a wheelchair - which stopped the comments lol. Plus my mum was young too - she had 4 kids at 27 and her 5th (my brother) at 29 so she got the filthy looks and nasty comments too.

    People just want to look down on others to make themselves feel better. My mum got so sick of it she eventually got Ryan a t-shirt that said 'I have autism. What's your excuse?' That shut people up pmsl.

    Just remember you've got a lovely family and you know that, so screw everyone else xxx
  • Glad you enjoyed your picnic hun, it was a lovely day for it, i ahve 3 lo;s and when i take all 3 out i get some strange looks especially as my 2 boys theres only 10 months between them and people ask me if they are twins as James is so big and when i say no they just look or say oh was he a bit of an accident then wtf! i say no in a very frosty way but i actually feel like telling them to f**k right off.
    Have you been over to large families hun its great as we have all these experiances one way or another.
    Take care vikki xx
  • Oh hunny!
    I would have rammed the wheels of the buggy into that evil man!
    Who is he to judge you?

    You obv do a fantastic job so ignore everybody else x
  • hi, i swear i would have thumped him one, in fact once i took my friends lo n caitlin out, caitlin in her sling thank bedhead lol n my friend lo in the buggy. This woman stared at me E (my friend lo) is 6 months older than caitlin so i got this jumped up little spotty cow whisper to her froend " look at that slag couldnt keep her knickers on, two kids at her age) ok let me explain she said it loud enough for me to hear n i look about 20 n had my 6 year old with me but im 28 lol

    i looked at her n said excuse me, she stared n said what, so i said btw he's my friends lo n what exactly does it have to do with a jumped up little hoody wearing cow how many kids i have, f))k off n mind your own.

    Well done hun for keeping your cool, Bless luca he sounds as sweety n what a helpful boy jack is xxx
  • I know what you mean CC. OH and i have even considered buying the bigger mclaren pushchair (the one that is quite obviously for children with a disability) firstly because he really is growing out of an ordinary sized one, but secondly because we thought it might stop people from staring in disgust thinking he's just naughty! Not that its any of their business even if he was lol. To be honest its easier to see with Luca as he also has tourettes (we think, just waiting for diagnosis but thats another story) and has some pretty major facial and body tics, so if people stare long enough they often get treated to one of those and generally look away very quickly after that! xxx
  • Oh everyone else replied while i was replying to CC lol!
    Junie, your boys must be very well behaved to get such lovely compliments!
    Jemma, i definately need to get one of those t shirts!!!!
    Vikki, i havent been over to large families actually, only because in my family 3 children is not a lot so i didnt think i qualified lol! I'll have a look over there, thanks
    princess, running him over sounds very tempting lol, but i settled for being polite but frosty, in the hopes that it would make him feel bad (which it probably didnt!)
    Tracey, i cant believe someone would say something so horrid in earshot! Dont blame you for pulling her up on it lol
  • Hi i have the same sort of reation now my son is almost 14 and is on the spectrum too, i have 4 kids too myoungest being 4 months, when my son is just neing well..him,self lol, i get things like good nes me didnt he put you off having anymore! or he needs a good telling off, people who dont know you or your situation always feel the need to pass comment and make jusgements when they have got no idea whatsoever, i am glad you enjoyed your picnic though, i have gottne quite good now at throwing sarcy comments abck at narrow minded people now, dont worry about it xx
  • lmao Tracey! :lol: x
  • Thanks everyone, i think i need to move nearer to you lot and come shopping with you so that i'm well protected lol!
    I forgot to say aswell, we had one incident at the farm when we went in to the pet barn. Theres a sign on the door saying no pushchairs, but Luca really wanted to see the animals so i took him in. A few people stared and did the whole tutting and shaking their heads, and one woman came over and said excuse me, you cant bring that in here, we all had to leave ours outside, you just have to take your valuables off, so i said to her that it was nothing to do with worrying about thieves, but my son is autistic and wanted to see the animals, but if i took him out he would probably unintentionally hurt the animals whilst trying to pick them up etc. She walked off, but a member of staff overheard and then made a real effort with Luca, he got the animals out in turn and let him touch them. I was so grateful to him!
    And i also learned that Luca thinks ferrets are the best animals ever!!
  • Wow, that was so nice of the staff member!

    I've had some horrible reactions out with Ryan - once a clown wanted to make a balloon for him - he was about 8 at the time - and he was asking Ry questions and my sister was answering for him. He shot my sister the filthiest look so she explained he was autistic and he got up from where he'd been trying to talk to Ry, took a good 2 steps away from him and didn't even look at him again, even handing the balloon animal to my sister. I was 17 at the time so not confident enough to have a go but I sure would now.

    I've also fundraised for Mencap and while explaining autism to one man I got told that it didn't matter because "my kids aren't going to be freaks" and he walked off. I shouted after him "Unlike you, you c**t". I got a warning from my supervisor for that but man was it worth it!!
  • Grrrrrr what a horrible man!! And the clown too! Surely he should have been used to seeing children with special needs if he's a clown?!?!
    I had it with my little sister when getiing her bridesmaid dress made for my wedding. The woman looked at her and said "can she get out of the chair?" So i said i don't know, Amanda can you get out of your chair? so she answered the question. The dressmaker then looked at me again and said "can she straighten her legs?" So i did the same thing again, asked my sister the question and she answered. Then AGAIN the woman looked at me and said "will she be wearing shoes? I don't suppose theres much point is there?" to which my sister jumped in and said "my legs don't work but my mouth does, i can speak for myself, and yes i will be wearing shoes because i'm a 17 year old girl and like most 17 year old girls, shoes are my life!" The dressmaker was fine after that! And yeah the farm assistant was lovely, i think he felt like i'd been picked on a bit so made an extra special effort! xxx
  • I cannot believe people are like this how unbelievably rude.

    Sounds like you had a fab time on the farm though, and that memebr of staff sounding great.

  • Aww thanks 2Aries! I didnt get one single smile, which doesnt particularly bother me, i'd rather just be ignored and left to get on with things! If i'd obviously been struggling then fair enough, but we were walking along chatting and minding our own business! You're all right, i don't know why i even let it bother me, i just find it a bit upsetting as it takes a lot for me to attempt things like that and even one negative comment is enough to put me off trying again! xxx
  • gggrrrr, i feel angry for u reading this! y people have to judge/comment on others i really dont know, there is no need! i have a 4yr old and 11 mth old but i also nanny for 2 children occasionally, who are 6 and 9 and u should c the looks and comments i get, im 25 and some people look at me like im a right s**g!!! makes me so mad! xxx
  • I must admit with my three I receive a lot of "helpful" advice or the wonderful selection of comments, and now being pregnant with number 4, I'm not really showing but dd2 is thrilled and must tell everyone. People say things like better you than me (I just say, yes I think so too), you sure have your hands full ( better full than empty). Though I did tell this stupid man who sits out front of the pub each morning drinking away his days, he always shouts don't you know what causes that, for god's sake get fixed, I told him I's stop having children when I had bred out the stupid people.

    I am not normally a rude person, but I hate how complete strangers feel they have a right to be so horrible to my children, and my children know it's happening, they aren't oblivious. So I sort of feel I have to say something so my children feel defended, which is horrible having to defend your children's right to exist.
  • Its awful isnt it. I do get fed up with it, we always wanted a larger family and work to provide for our children. If it wasnt for the fact that it could kill me i would gladly have one more! But as far as everyone else is concerned they think we must have 3 kids because we didnt "learn our lesson" the first 2 times, or because our tv wasnt working!!! I think i might go walking every day now though, firstly it'll get us all out in the fresh air, secondly i have a stone i wanna shift and pushing 30lbs worth of toddler whilst carrying 12lbs worth of baby is surely a good way to do that, and thirdly i'm gonna smile and say hello to every single person who gives me a dirty look!!!
    Oh and Junie, i've found an AWESOME website that sell t-shirts, hoodies, badges, mugs etc with autism slogans on. My favourite one was "yes i'm autistic. Which means i'm probably smarter than you!" There was another one which said "i am autistic. Stare if you must, but i'll be busy ignoring you!" I might have to buy that one xxx
  • I take my blooming hat off to you sweetie you are 27 with 3 kids, a baby, a toddler & a young child who is autistic.
    I think you must be doing a frigging fantastic job!

    I can never comprehend why people want to look at others & be so hurtful.
    Now I have to say I probably look like a blooming paedophile cause I love looking in prams & buggies at babies & when I haven't got Ellie with me i'm sure people are thinking weirdo! Anyway there have been plenty of times I have seen children with downs syndrome or a facial disforment (sp) but yes I see it but no it doesn't bother me. They are still a baby or a child no different from my own so why wouldn't I speak to them but sometimes it seems their parents think i'm only doing it because the child is disabled but thats not the case!

    Anyway honey i'm glad the trip to the farm was successful & bless the member of staff for being kind, kindness costs nothing!
    Lauren xx
  • Aww what horrible people! My OH works with severly autistic children and adults and they quite often take them out to the supermarket, swimming etc most often under 3-1 supervision but when we were in Morrisons one day one of the Lads he works with was there with the staff. This guy is about 23, Indian, and wears a turban, has a huge beard and socks and sandals normally and was charging round the shop singing Bob the Builder!!! He was getting so many looks! Was just hilarious cos we knew him and what he was like!

    Hats off to you sweetheart! xxx
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