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FAO those who are an only child! UPDATED
OH and I were discussing age gaps the other day and he dropped the bombshell that he isn't even sure if he wants another baby. I was so shocked. He says it's not because of the hard work etc, but more that he gets to spend so little time with Beth already he can't imagine having to share his time/love with another child.
I always thought we'd have 2 and although I think the early days are going to be really hard I would like Beth to have a sibling when she gets older to play with, be close to. I am a twin so I can't imagine growing up without someone else. I always remember going downstairs really early with my sis and we'd just play or watch cartoons until my parents got up.
Anyway, OH (who has a sister he is very close to) reckons being an only child is fine and she wouldn't miss out but I'm not so sure. Those who are only children - how did you find it? I know it's a hard question as you've never known anything different, but do you feel you missed out not having a sibling? Would you rather have had one?
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UPDATE
Wow - I can't believe how many people replied to this! Thanks so much. I actually got OH to read this thread and it has made him realise he does want another!
So looks like we are going to start TTC again early next year. Whoohoo!! Am so excited (and also terrified!!!)
x
[Modified by: Baby B on 19 July 2010 14:09:41 ]
I always thought we'd have 2 and although I think the early days are going to be really hard I would like Beth to have a sibling when she gets older to play with, be close to. I am a twin so I can't imagine growing up without someone else. I always remember going downstairs really early with my sis and we'd just play or watch cartoons until my parents got up.
Anyway, OH (who has a sister he is very close to) reckons being an only child is fine and she wouldn't miss out but I'm not so sure. Those who are only children - how did you find it? I know it's a hard question as you've never known anything different, but do you feel you missed out not having a sibling? Would you rather have had one?
*******************************************************************************************************************************
UPDATE
Wow - I can't believe how many people replied to this! Thanks so much. I actually got OH to read this thread and it has made him realise he does want another!
So looks like we are going to start TTC again early next year. Whoohoo!! Am so excited (and also terrified!!!)
x
[Modified by: Baby B on 19 July 2010 14:09:41 ]
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Replies
I am very close to my cousins though and 2 inparticular I suppose I sort of have a sisterly relationship with.
Growing up I couldn't say whether it would have made things better/worse having a sibling but I do sometimes wish my sister was closer in age to me now I'm older so that we could share important parts of our lives such as having children better if that makes sence?
Sorry if all that sounds a bit rambled teething baby = being up half the night & 1 very tired Mummy today lol
My oldest best friend was an only child and she doesn't think she's missed out on anything, in fact the opposite as her parents could afford to buy her whatever she wanted!! We have also been close friends since we were 3 and we spent all day in holidays and weekends at each others houses so we were more like sisters.
Plus my sister is 10year and my brother 12years older than me, so even tho I have siblings it didn't feel like it when I was little as they didn't want to play with me being so much older. However I am extremley close to my sister now.
it hasn't really bothered me until recently when my boy now keeps asking why he doesn't have a brother or sister, and then he says he wants a sister - I really don't know what to say to him about it
Do you have friends or family with lo's about the same age?? I have two very close friends with los the same age so we are all hoping they'll grow up to be close friends. my sister also has four kids and even tho they are bit older than ds he loves playing with them and I make sure we visit several times a week.
im sure that there will be people who enjoyed being an only child and wont agree with me (as always)
also some people can only have 1 child for whatever reason so im not saying it shouldn happen just that i didnt like it.
I am an only child, which was my parents' choice. They decided that they would only have the one, and I have never felt that I have missed out on having a sibling.
I do have lots and lots of cousins though, and my parents always made sure that I went to things that involved other children such as playgroups and then things like brownies, gymnastics, dance and after school clubs as I got older. Friends were always very welcome at our house, whether that was arranged or unannounced, for tea etc and also to stay overnight.
I think I had a great balance as my life was full of social contact and stimulation, and yet there were times of peace and quiet too.
As you say, I have never known any different, so it may be that I would have been just as happy with a sibling! The friends that I have made as an adult are always really surprised when I say that I am an only child as I think they have in their minds an ieda that only children can be spoilt, selfish and demanding. I would hope that I am none of those things - wouldn't we all lol!
People used to say really insensitive things to me and to my parents even when I was very little. I remember a friend of my mum's saying "Oh isn't it a shame that mammy and daddy didn't have any more children" and " are you lonely?" which, lets face it, aren't things that adults should say to children. But (and my parents don't feel the need to justify their decision!) we have always been a very happy, close and loving family. My mum used to say to me "I couldn't beat perfection, and you are perfect" which is so sweet I think. I don't think I was unduly spoilt with material things as an only child - there were always children (only children and those with siblings) who had more toys, nicer clothes, went on more holidays than me. But I was certainly spoilt in terms of love and support.
The nice thing for my parents is that they both agreed that they would have only one child. I am in a similar situation to you in that my DH wants another child (or even two - he is pushing it!)) and I am happy with just having DS (2 and a half years old). I don't know where we will end up!
sorry i can't offer any advice, obviously its soemthing that only u and ur OH can work out, but i really hope u can come to a decision thats best for all of u xx
One of my best friends is an only child, and doesn't know her dad. She has always been sad she didn't have siblings - and was determined she would have more than 1 child. She always says she is v envious of me having such a big family around me - her upbringing was a bit like Saffy from Ab-Fab lol!
Another of my friends mother was an only child, and hated it so much that she risked her life having 2 more children after she nearly died during her first pregnancy.
Having said that, I would never think badly of people only wanting 1 child - only children are not necessarily lonely or spoilt - and I have heard of plenty of people who wish they were only children, because they never had enough attention as children. Only children tend to be high - achievers in life because they have had so much individual parental attention, so there are advantages to being a singleton.
xx
Now, however, I really wish I had a brother or sister. Dh is one if three and he tells me tales from his childhood involving his brother and sister that sound so much fun! Having other people to get excited about Christmas/birthday parties with, having compnay in long journeys, hoildays in campsites, telling each other stories at night and having someone to sick up for you at school. I'm always jealous when he says things like 'i'm going to phone my brother' or 'my sister wants us to go for lunch'
I had a good childhood, it's only on reflection I see what I missed. I'd also add, that I don't deal with arguements well which I think is to do with being an only one and not really having arguements with anyone! I've lost a lot if friends simply because I don't know how to say sorry, approach issues, know what's acceptable to argue about (and what's not) I also struggle to see others points of views.
We're expecting our second in Feb, all being well, and I know Ds and baby might not get on in the future. But at least they will have a link to their past when we're gone and hopefully will be close.
I don't know if that helps, just wanted to say my part!
I wasnt spoiled but I never went without, we were always busy doing different activities/going to different places (which my mum does admit now that had they had more children they wouldnt have been able to afford to give me the many experiences I had when I was younger) .
Also, I grew up with lots of cousins who lived in the next street so we were always in each other's houses and playing etc so it felt like having siblings (or how I imagine it would be) but having the benefit of when I wanted to do things on my own I could.
However, now that I'm older with my own child and am not as close to my cousins I do miss that I dont have a sibling to share things with and support (whilst I have some fab friends I dont think it could compensate a sibling relationship).
It has made me realise that I dont want my LO to be an only child and will definately try for another when he's about 3years old.
On the other side of the coin - My hubby is the eldest of 3 and hated it. He was always blamed for things, relied upon to look after his brother & sister in certain situations and they all have a strained relationship with each other now, which I find really sad. He said that being one of 3 sometimes made it more argumentative because 2 could gang up on 1 in an argument! I know that could be down to how they were raised etc but it def puts me off having more than 2.
As you might have guessed, we are currently debating whether to have another baby. The article helped reassure me that we wouldn't be doing the wrong thing if we only had the one.
xx
I am an only child and cannot recall ever having particularly wanted a sibling; I am close to my mum and had a good friend from the age of 4 who spent a lot of time at our house but I appreciate it is not the same.
I was not spoilt as such, but it is true that I had more than would have been feasible with one or more other children.
My hubby is eldest of three, and not close to either sibling despite there being less than two years between him and the youngest.
Grace is almost ten months (tomorrow!) and we do not intend to have any more children. After a lot thinking about whether to return to work or not, I shall be going back to work three days a week from September and Grace will be attending the nursery of a prep school near to my office. Part of the reason I decided to return to work is so that we can pay for her education if we wish to; we would like her to go to the same school as I did if possible and there is no way we could afford this without my salary as well. We would not be able to do so for any more than one child either.
I hope that doesn't sound selfish
Best wishes for the ongoing conversation with your hubby x
If Peter had any cousins, or was likely to have them nearby, I might be less keen on providing him with siblings. As it is, I have known practically since he was born that he needs at least one sibling (two for preference, but my husband still needs to be convinced). We live 3,000 miles from his second cousins (who are a little older than he is) and would still be about 2 hours drive minimum from any first cousins that my sister-in-law might provide, not that she or either of my siblings are anywhere near ready to start families. So we are about four months from ttc no. 2 and I cannot wait! I am hopelessly broody again, not helped by just finding out that two friends are pregnant and due in the new year!
I mentioned in another thread that the reason he is an only child is because once he was born his parents realised that it wasn't for them.
He had the best of everything, was always away on holidays, scouts, army cadets..
Because of the way his family is, he never grew up around cousins but always had to work that bit harder to make friends. He is a fantastic friend as a result and everybody loves him but he really wanted a sibling growing up and it saddens him when he sees my relationship with my siblings (4 in total but on different sides!)
I have an enormous family and he loves it. He is so keen for us to start trying for another so that T can have a brother or sister and we can have the family that he always wanted as a child
So there's a man's point of view for you hun!!
xxx
[Modified by: 2girlywhirlys on July 14, 2010 02:26 AM]
I have always wanted 4 children, my OH wants 3 (he is one of three), but as I'm getter on and money will be tight I think we'll see after two.
A close friend of mine is an only child and although she always wanted siblings as she always had friends around and a couple of children living next door she didn't mind being an only child.
Dx
I think being an only child has made me more independent and when I was younger I wanted to spend time with adults a lot and get involved with their conversations. I always enjoyed playing games on my own as well.
The part of my life I feel being an only child has affected me the most is since I have become an adult and left home, my mum focuses all her attention on me and can be quite stifling and jealous a lot of the time. I now wish I had a sibling for her to share her attention on. That may be more of a reflection on my mum's personality than on being an only child though.
I had very close friendships with my friends at school and Because I had to make new friends myself when we went on holiday, I was a confident and outgoing child (Maybe a little too much sometimes haha) and I also learned how to appreciate my own company and not seek companionship all the time.
What I will say though is that I don't like arguments either as I'm not used to them...I will stand up for myself though but I'd rather avoid it. I found it extremely hard to share my room with oh at first because I'd never been used to that permanent invasion of privacy and that really took time to change.
The relationship I have with my mum, was at times, suffocating. As I was an only child, and all the attention was on me I feel a bit like all her eggs are in one basket and I need to fulfil certain things for her..for example, get married, spend every Xmas, have a family ect as I dream of when ds is older and being involved in him growing up, I think this can be magnified tenfold on only children and at points, I did feel stifled.
Now though, we still have a great relationship and I honeslty still feel instantly better when she gives me a hug and love spending time with her..something which my oh doesn't experience and my mil said she never felt it with her mum...and she was the youngest of six.
I would like another child but for selfish reasons really. I would love a little girl and Although I love my ds completley, I do feel a little jealous that oh gets to do male bonding with him and I can't do that sort of thing with him. Like kicking a ball or teaching to ride his bike. But if we never do have another, I wouldn't lose any sleep over it x