Feeling lost after pregnancy and secretly blaming my partner for it
Hi my little boy is 8 weeks old, he wasn't planned and my pregnancy was quite bad. I didnt have the time to enjoy any part of it due to my family not accepting the news straight away, worrying about money, moving in with my partner, starting a new job and then my health got involved resorting to having an emergency ceaserean after 30 hours of induced labour. I had to stay in the hospital for a while as my baby wasnt very well.
Since then Ive always felt sad, angry, anxious but recently i am struggling with accepting my new life to the point of walking out on my partner. I miss my old life. Im 22 and i feel trapped.
Im starting to really hate my partner (he's 30) he goes to work all day and I'm alone with a crying baby and he expects the washing to be done and a planned meal every night (which i cook) i feel like he is ruling and taking over my life. I feel forced to be this 'house wife' and because I haven't done it before he's home i start hating myself because he wants someone who can do it all.
Come the weekend, he's telling me what do, making me feel bad when I want to sit down or have a Loungy Day around the house. He is constantly on the go and i can't be bothered. I just want to spend some us time together too! I've asked about planning a night out together but the answer is no because we have a baby to look after. Hes always switched off from me.
The main problem is how unfair it is that ive done everything. My body is stretched and worn out. My life has stopped and changed surrounded by dirty nappies and tears everyday and he goes out like normal, looking smart smelling nice and meeting new people taking breaks at work whenever he wants. He's never been alone with the baby he's never had to struggle bringing the pram up and down the stairs juggling bags and a baby (And then he calls to ask what's for tea)
any advice?
Replies
Oh dear... How come all these happen to the young women? I decided to take a look at this forum and now can't hold my tears.
First of all, I am really sorry for your situation. You are so young! And probably both you and your partner are immature (even though he is 30), and not ready for the big changes. But - you really need time. The baby will grow up very fast and you will be back to your regular life again. But now you will be much wiser and more experienced than your peers.
Look at the bright side - many parents are trying to get a baby and they can't. And you got this gift. Value it very much. Yet, do not forget that you are a person too. Do some nice things for yourself. Even if they are little and insignificant at first sights, like having a piece of favorite foods, calling on friend etc.
Take care dear, and keep loving yourself. Sending you all my support!
XXX
It was sad to read this post. First of all, the worst mistake that you could´ve done you already made it. That mistake is moving in with your partner with whom you didn´t even plan the baby. One is to have a baby with someone, but going to live together with someone who you don´t love is very bad decision to make. He doesn´t appreciate you, he thinks of you as a maid or something. That is why he wants all to be cleaned, food cooked etc. You should move on your own, make him pay the alimony and go on with your life. What can you lose? He doesn´t help you anyway, so get rid of him. Plain and simple.