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Advice needed on a really difficult subject
I live with my partner and am currently 19week pregnant. The problem is as a child i was abused by my mums partner (who is also the dad to my 6month old sister). Since this happened i have only felt safe to visit my mum if my partner comes with me otherwise my mums boyfriend talks about what happened if my mum is at toilet etc. As i still visit my mum she doesnt think anything happened with her boyfriend as i dont mention it or talked about it. Problem is when my baby is here i dont mind her visiting our house on her own but without her bf and i wont be visiting her house anymore because i dont want to put my baby at risk whether it is a boy or girl. How do i explain this to her without bringing up the past and causing bad feelings as i know she will stick up for him, because i had to move in wiith my partner when i was 15 because she chose him over me.
Sorry for writing buckets but its so confusing and any advice would be appreiciated.
Sorry for writing buckets but its so confusing and any advice would be appreiciated.
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Replies
Sorry probably been no help. XX
I know it is difficult but you really do need to speak up, not just for yourself and your baby but also for you 6 month old sister. There are support groups out there who may be able to help you find the right way to broach the subject with her.
Remember you also have a partner who will support you.
XX
I understand you don't want to make things difficult with your Mum but your Mum can't take priority in this situation. You would never forgive yourself if you didn't do anything to avoid upsetting your mum and your worst fears were realised.
There are people trained to help in situations like this I think you really need to consider talking to them!
I don't know what more to say except I am thinking of you!!
I am facing a similar thing and there is NO WAY my baby/child is going to be effected by what happened to me. Sorry if that is a bit emotional but I guess I feel strongly about it.
GLhun.
xxx
I have to agree with the other girls I would have to tell my mother. You have to think of you and that baby now and what about your little sister. I would have to contact the police as well , what if he ends up doing the same to her as he did to you??
I know it's very hard and I can't imagine what you must be going through but you have to protect yourself, your baby and your little sister.
If your mum picks him after all that you tell her then maybe for now it's the best thing for you.
K xx
I really think you need some professional advice. In a previous post you said you had an abusive partner and now you are telling us you had an abusive step-dad. You need help to get yourself out of this situation and personal emotional help to start your own recovery. You clearly have unresolved issues that you have not confronted from what happpened with your step-dad and your Mum. The betrayal you must feel at your Mum choosing him over you after what he did to you, you are only 17 years old, your partner, who you said is also abusive is 10 years older than you(?).
I do not mean this to be insulting, I say it because I care, but you are not emotionally equppied to deal with this alone.
Have a look at this site: http://www.womensaid.org.uk
You need proper help Cloe, and I'm sorry but much more than this forum can give you. We are not experts, we can draw from our own life experiences but ultimately you won't listen if you don't feel it applies to you. I have noticed on the previous posts you have made you never reply to everyone's advice. Is that because you don't agree, are in denial about what is happening to you, or are struggling to cope?
Please GET HELP. You need proper professional help from people who can give you sound advice that is pertinent to you and your personal situation. You can't get that here.
My love and best wishes to you.
Niblett xxxxx
I wont go into too much detail but i know someone who went through something pretty much the same and unfortunately she said nothing, she then went on to have beautiful daughters who when visiting the grandma were also abused. It messed her up and she ended up having to go through a lot of things about her own childhood with the police as well as the guilt about her daughters. She also found out that it had happened to other members of the family, and she now has to deal with the fact that it may never have happened if she had spoken up about it.
I know it's a horrible situation to be in and only from knowing someone who has been there can I even start to imagine how you are feeling but for the sake of yourself and your child please speak to someone about this x
For the safety of your sister and your baby you need to tell a person outside your family - Police or Social Worker. Once other people are involved the man may leave on his own instead of answering their questions! If he is so happy to talk about what happened can you record it on your phone and then show it to your mum and the police?
Get help - you dont have to deal with this on your own, why should you? There are people who are trainined to help you and will let you make all the decissions on how to move forward, you will still be in control of what happens. You will just have the support you need.
Good Luck