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The biggest undiscussed feeling????
Hi
sorry its a long post and i wil pull myself together now!
If you told me a week ago I was gonna write this post I wouldnt have believed you. And I know im gonna get judged for it but I dont believe im the only one out there that has ever felt like this and I think its a subject that maybe needs discussing.
Have had my 20 week scan and very relieved that all is well esp as havent felt baby move (placenta is at front so at least i know there is a reason) neway i digress. I have been blessed with twin boys but have just found out that my second and final pregancy is a boy, and i cant believe how disappointed i am that it is not a girl. I feel absolutley retched for feeling like this esp as my best mate is desperatly trying for a baby. I know I am so lucky to have two healthy children and that this pregnancy is going to plan, and i know i will love this baby when he arrives but i still cant shake this deep disappointment. I always though i'd have boys and i love boy things , football, rugby etc but I so wanted a mother daughter relationship. Ive told you all as dont want to admit these feelings but feel that talking and being honest prevents future issues. My hormones have been all over the place with this pregnancy so i guess that is not helping, i just want to cry and yet i know so many of you have got real things to cry about. i just wish that someone had said before that i might feel like this, its never been a subject ive read about, but maybe its only me that has been this selfish.sorry its a long post and i wil pull myself together now!
xxDBxx
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Replies
Tammi xxx
I have a gorgeous little girl who's 1 in April and I'm 35+3 with this baby and really hoping it's another girl! We couldn't find out the sex at 20 week scan I keep saying that I don't really like boys and that I hope it's a girl but in the end I know I'll love my baby whichever flavour I get.
xxx
I thought I would be the same and desperately wanted a girl too, so when they said it was a boy at the 20 week scan I was surprised that I felt happy anyway! But I completely understand people who don't feel happy when told they are expecting the other sex to what they wanted!
I am sure your feelings will fade after the birth, and you never know in years to come you might want another baby so never say never. In the meantime, don't beat yourself up. A lot of people would say 'Oh well ur lucky to get pg some people can't even conceive' which is true but it is still a very common feeling and u shouldnt be judged. xxxx
I have been through very similar feelings. I have a teenage son and a son aged 6 and am now expecting my 3rd and final child! I was 100% convinced I was having a girl, I really really wanted a daughter of my own but at the scan it was shown to be 100% son! My hubby is over the moon - he already has a daughter (unfortunately we are not close) but no son of his own (he has taken on my youngest as his own and is fantastic mates with my teen!)
I do love little Tommy (in my tummy) but I do feel like I have missed out on a mother/daughter relationship and having lost my mum 3 yrs ago its something I really really wanted. Every now and then I have a little cry to myself over the daughter that will never be but I know what a blessing this baby is (i never thought I would have another).
This is defo my final one - hubby having the snip coz he wont see me go through SPD again and it is also my 3rd c/section and you cant have more than that! Also at 38 this pregnancy has been worse than other 2 put together! Is there any chance you may have another child in a few years?
So, yeah - there are people on here who understand everything hon!
Love Lee
xxxxxx
I'm sure you will love your baby anyway and just need some time to adjust to the idea.
xx
It is natural to feel like this and well done for being strong enough to admit how you feel.
It's completely normal to feel the way that you feel and at least you have the guts to admit it.
good luck with the rest of your pregnancy xxxx
I think your feelings are completely natural.
xxx
First of all I think you're really brave admitting how you feel & I don't believe anyone will judge you for it!
We have just found out we are expecting our 2nd, and fingers (&toes &everything else) crossed that everything goes ok, I would desperately love a little girl. I already have a 2 year old son and would love a daughter. I would never admit to anybody how I feel and I know I will love my 2nd with all my heart either way, but I can't help how I feel. OH insists we are stopping at two aswell, so I know my 2nd will be my last. I'm sure there are many people out there who feel the same way too, so don't be too hard on yourself. x
im on my 3rd pregnancy and was desperatly hoping for a girl but 20 week scan showed another lil man. i was upset for a while but wen u get a little further along i think ur feelings might change. mine have.
it dosnt help that u havnt felt the baby move. that will help u start to develop a bond with your lil man.
hormones play a big part too!! Dont feel Guilty about ur feelings ur not being selfish - ur just disappointed.
Let us know how u get on in the coming weeks.
I would love to have no. 4 in the future but do not feel that it would be fair on the other 3 (The twins share a large room and the baby is gonna have the smaller room which is too small if I had another boy and if I had a girl the big room isnt big enough for three kids!) So unless we win the lotto this is def it.
thank you Zoey85 Im gonna try refering to him by his name, thing is in my heart i still dont believe it is a boy as everything about this pregnancy is so different but i guess you cant really get it wrong, if the sonographer saw a willy there must be one there, guess I just dont want to admit it.Once again thank you so much for sharing your stories and feelings it def makes me feel less alone. I do feel less tearful today and its only 3 days since i found out so I hope that in a week or so, especially if i start to feel him move i will feel better. Im sure that once he has arrived i wouldnt swap him for the world, just gotta keep telling myself that at the moment. I guess the truth is its not that i dont want this baby, im just sad for all the things i wont be able to share, and they are all silly and ultimatley unimportant things. Best make sure my boys are in touch with there feminie side so at least we can go shopping together!!
Maybe Prima Baby should do an article about this as I really felt like I was the only one horrible enough to feel like this. Its good to know im not alone.With grateful thanks xxDBxx
you shouldn't feel wrong for feeling this way like i say i can remember feeling that way. i think it's always a mums thought to have a girl would be great, but if i had 5 boys i would have been happy still. good luck, and keep smiling.take care.xxxx
But deep down I really want a girl and so does OH. I'm referring to bump as he all the time but mainly I think I'm doing it so that when the time comes I won't be too disappointed as it's almost as if I'm prepared for a boy and a girl will be a lovely surprise (we're not going to find out sex)
I think it's completely natural to feel like this and it's so reassuring to hear that a lot of other women felt exactly the same. Suz x
With grateful thanks at all your understanding, especially to those who are desperate just to get pregnant, I do realise how lucky i am. love xxDBxx
Ps Zoey85 Glad your coming round to idea as well bet when we both have them in our arms we will forget how we felt pps.
Oldermum69 feel for you too, my dh is overmoon babe is another boy. It doesnt really make it any easier. Good luck with pregnany
I'm really hoping for a girl this time. Oh has 2 boys from previous and we have one together so it would be really nice to give him the cherry on the icing on the cake.
I never wanted to have a boy. Right from being a little girl. When I gave birth to my son the midwife even apologised as she handed me this tiny bundle.
For a split second I could have cried with disappointment but when I looked at him..............well he was just perfect and all the maternal instinct kicked.
I'm sure that by the time baby comes you will be ok with yourself and the disappointment will go in time.
Don't feel bad about how you're feeling hun it's good to acknowledge those feelings now rather than hide them. Take a few days and try and get some time to your self (not the easiest of things to do when you've got twins to chase around I know)