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ADVICE A-SAP
:?i want to start by saying i don't want to be judged or any rude remarks, i just really need advice a-sap.
my names brittany, I'm 18 years old & i am 5 weeks pregnant. I'm driving my self crazy trying to quickly decide if i should keep my baby or to go threw with the abortion this thursday. TRUST ME i don't want to go threw with the abortion but i feel a huge amount of pressure to get it done. there's plenty of reason why i shouldn't keep the baby, I'm not financially stable, i haven't graduated, the father already has a 1yr old daughter and he insists he "cant" have another kid and i do understand that, he's only 20yrs old and cant really afford to support two babies. Also the fact that the father is black and i am white. most of my family will dis-own me or so they say, and there is no way i could make it on my own. the biggest reason is my brother just got his g/f pregnant, she found out about 4 days before i did. my brother is going to kuwait for a year or two and she is supposed to move into my house and i don't think there's room for two babies. if i get this abortion I'm positive the hate and resentment i have for her & my niece/nephew will only get stronger. what sucks the most is we are due around the same day. so please give me your thoughts and opinions as long as there not ignorant. i really need some advice. thank you
my names brittany, I'm 18 years old & i am 5 weeks pregnant. I'm driving my self crazy trying to quickly decide if i should keep my baby or to go threw with the abortion this thursday. TRUST ME i don't want to go threw with the abortion but i feel a huge amount of pressure to get it done. there's plenty of reason why i shouldn't keep the baby, I'm not financially stable, i haven't graduated, the father already has a 1yr old daughter and he insists he "cant" have another kid and i do understand that, he's only 20yrs old and cant really afford to support two babies. Also the fact that the father is black and i am white. most of my family will dis-own me or so they say, and there is no way i could make it on my own. the biggest reason is my brother just got his g/f pregnant, she found out about 4 days before i did. my brother is going to kuwait for a year or two and she is supposed to move into my house and i don't think there's room for two babies. if i get this abortion I'm positive the hate and resentment i have for her & my niece/nephew will only get stronger. what sucks the most is we are due around the same day. so please give me your thoughts and opinions as long as there not ignorant. i really need some advice. thank you
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Replies
There's help out there for you if you make the decision to keep the baby.
Also think about why you dont want to go through with the abortion- is it because you want a baby or is it because you are worried about a termination? If you decide it's because you want to keep the baby, then dont let anyone stand in your way. x
I don't have personal experience in this, but I thought I could share the experience a very close friend of mine had. She was around 20 and in college when she got pregnant. Her bf said he would supprt her if she decided to keep the baby, but she knew her parents would never understand. Anyway, she decided to abort it and she did the abortion very late - by the time she finally made up her mind! Her bf turned out to be a jerk and three or four years later, she went on to marry someone else. Today she is happily married and well settled with two children.
I don't know whether this will help you, but sometimes it's nice to hear what others have gone through. also, whatever you decide will be the best decision.
Good luck...
If my daughter got preg now I would support her whatever but my first thought would be towards abortion. IF you feel you cant support a baby and your circumstances dictate that you have no support from elsewhere then it is the right choice for you. It is not killing your baby if you do it very soon. At the moment it is just a collection of cells and its heart has not even started to beat. It will be traumatic for you but you will in time get over it.
IF though you feel you want the baby then you can go it alone. You need to speak to your local housing agency and try to get a home for you and the baby. Look into benefits and help you can get. Your family would be a disgrace to disown you for having a black child and the father no matter how many other kids he has would have to help out. After all it takes 2 to make a baby so why should the burden fall on you. Is there someone you can talk thro all this with before you have the abortion?????
A daughter of a good friend of mine is 18 and had an abortion a few week ago. She was 11 weeks. It took a while to get over it but she is back on track with her life and for her it was the right thing to do. I know its sad and I have never had one so cant give advice on how you would feel. I went on to have the baby I fell preg with at 21 but I was with the dad and still am 17 years and 4 other kid later!!!!!
Take care and please dont be bullied into a decision or think you are not allowed a baby because you brothers g/f is. You have just as much right. Please talk to someone...an aunt? one of your old teachers? the abortion place should have a counsellor?
d x
Good luck with whatever you decide.
Kerry xx
If not why not write down the pros and cons of the decision, having a baby with potentially no support would not be easy but it would not be impossible either. You have a very hard decision to make and have to live with whatever you choose to do for the rest of your life.
I agree with the others in that maybe you are not ready to have an abortion on Thursday if you still feel unsure it is the right thing to do.
Whatever you decide I really hope your family give you the support you need, they should love you and support you no matter what. Sounds like you are being very level headed about it all.
Good luck with whatever you decide. x
I don't agree with abortion BUT I wouldn't judge anyone if thats what they decided to do. I think it is something you need to be really sure about tho coz obviously theres no going back.
When I had to tell my parents my dad flipped and I had to move out of his house. Luckily I did have somewhere else to go and eventually my parents came round to the idea and even let me move back in. You never know how they will react until you actually tell them.
Being a young mum is difficult but I am glad that I have my son now. I wish you all the best in making your decision
BUT (i am coming to a point, not fishing for sympathy) i look back now and think that i was in completely the wrong situation to have a baby, let alone have a complete family. I had nothing to work from and i would probably have had to have been on benifits the rest of my life, which i would have hated - im a workaholic.
I feel it was fate that i didn't have that baby and it showed me how my life is so much better - i have a job, a partner, a family and my little boy who is amazing. To me that is hapiness. I know my family is safe and secure and they love me like i love them.
Im not sayng thats what you should have, im trying to say that if you feel that you and your baby is going to feel safe, secure, loved and wanted - whether it be just by you, you and your family, or the father included, then you keep it. Otherwise think very hard about the life YOU will have aswell as your baby. You can't be completely selfless in the situation.
X
PS i hope i didn't come across sounding like a b*tch! X
well i got married 4 years later and fell pregnant a year later (planned) i was so excited and told everyone as this didnt have to be a secret.
when the baby was born that was the only time i realised i had made the right decesion. as becoming a mum is the biggest learning curve ever i dont think i would have coped very well at 19 but i will never know.
after that i didnt think about it again and focused on my new baby. but since my daughter is older sheoften says she wishes she had an older brother/sister so that makes things painful. in the last 6 months ive thought about it alot even 10 years later not so much about the baby i would have had but person it would have become i still have so many questions which i will never know the answer too. especially as i see the beautiful daughter i have and know i couldnt be without her. but maybe if id gone through with having that baby i wouldnt have my dughter now we would have been in a very terrible situation all thoughs years ago. but looking back now i know i panicked and just wanted it all to stop i was just too young to try and deal with it alone.it wasnt 100% my decision i was just so scared and wanted it all to go away without thinking of the consqences i would have to face mentally
but just to finish quickly there was another girl who fell pregnant the same time. so whilst she was talking about her pregnancy and showing scan pictures and how excited they were, names, and all the stuff that goes with having a baby i was keep everything secret and was hurting so badly i new i wanted the baby but i would have caused alot of upset. istill see this child from time to time and i know my child would been of the same age so its a very painful reminded.
my only advice to you and obvioulsly only you know what you can cope with the most at this time in your life.
1. race shouldnt come into it really what if this man was to become your husband you would have mixed race children and they would still be your mothers grandchildren so you shouldnt feel that you cant have this baby because its going to be mix race.
2. Facing upto reality is far easier(keeping the baby) than living with guilt for the rest of your life(termination) and always wondering especially if you have been pushed into this decision by others and not come to it yourself. you will always resent them if you start feeling it was their choice not yours. The baby would soon become part of your life you would adapt and things always seem to work them selves out finacially somehow.
However its very different if there is a medical reason for a termination and should be considered very differently.
3. living with your sister in law with babies the same age could really work for you, you would be going through the same thing together so you wouldnt be alone and you could support each other. otherwise it will completley crush you if she has her baby and you dont it could even lead to other complications of depression and another medical condition where you would think her baby was yours. (this would only happen if this wasnt soley wasnt your choice)
4. its never to late to graduate you could always go back to college after a couple of months they all provide free childcare or you could wait until baby was older.
5. Family will support you more with a baby to cope with but after a few weeks of having a termination you will be expected to get on with your life and deal with it.
If i had to make my desion again i wouldnt terminate even if it meant just taking a tablet.
Good Luck!!
ps. this is my personal experience i hope i havent affended anybody who also had to make this harrowing decision. every situation is different sometimes its meant to be and sometimes not. we are lucky to be able to have the choice even if some people are totally against it either way xxxxx
i was kind of in the same situation as u, i fell pregnant when i was just turned 19. neither me or my partner had jobs,we were both planning on going to college &we were both living at his parents house as we couldnt afford somewhere of our own. when i found out i was pg i was really scared as i really didnt think we'de be able to afford it and wanted to go to college. in the end i decided to keep the baby. my boyfriend managed to get a full time job in a crappy supermarket and i get benefits. we are managing fine now and are both planning on going back to college next year.
if you really think that getting rid of the baby is a bad decision then just have a proper think about just posponing education for a couple of years (you can still graduate,just a bit later than you planned to).
my son is the best thing that ever happened to me and i think i deffenatly made the right decision to keep him. but not everybody is the same,just do what you really think is best for you in the long run. maybe your family will get used to the idea of you having a baby, they will just need a bit of time.
i hope everything goes ok for you and dont worry, whatever desision you make, it'l be the right one.
good luck brittany xxx