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What shall I do?
in Baby
I think I am ready to move on from my relationship. I don't think I love my oh in that way anymore. I will always love him as he's the father of my kids, but it just doesn't feel the same between us anymore. It would be a nightmare if/when we split as we live together, bought a house etc etc and I'd hate to upset the kids. When do you know when it's time to move on and how do you go about doing it???
I know he wants to stay together, I'm not so sure. Life's short and I can't carry on feeling like this in a relationship....help please! xoxox
I know he wants to stay together, I'm not so sure. Life's short and I can't carry on feeling like this in a relationship....help please! xoxox
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I think ultimately you have to do what will make you happier as a happy mummy means happy children. I for one know I will be happier alone and the kids will be too, its just that breaking free I think is the hardest as you have so many mixed emotions. Could you maybe have a break apart and see how you both feel then as you might not want to make any permanent decisions and then miss him so much?
I dont know if this helps but I just wanted to post and offer some sort of support as you are certainly not alone xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Well I know things haven't been right between us, we've had sex, but it doesn't feel the same and we have slept in separate bed for...wait for it...6 months!! Since Kyra was born as she sleeps in with me. I don't miss him being next to me at all. It's like I'm alone anyway as he's a workaholic and when he does get time off, I feel on edge around him as I always feel an argument brewing and we bicker a few times a day when he's around.
He came in this morning when I was sleeping and kissed me and says he misses me. I know he will beg me to stay if I attempted to leave. I just wish there was a way to go without upsetting anybody. xoxox
Is there any chance you two just need some child free time? Sometimes the stress of having kids does put your relationship on the backburner...
Mine and my OH relationship has been rocky for ages (before Gabe was born in fact) but he has had some time off over Xmas so we are sharing a bed again (he works nights and Gabe sometimes sleeps with me as well sooo we have seperate rooms too!) and spending time together and it feels like we are back on track.....for the time being anyway.
It's a very hard thing to do, I don't think leaving someone is ever easy especially if you have a family
xxx
But seriously, if you do think those are the only reasons you're staying with him, then it would be better for all of you if you did what would make you happy. Although I was upset when my parents divorced, I saw how much happier my mum became. I'd rather have a happy mum any day.
xxx
Try putting yourself in your girls situation and see what they are seeing.
I remember being younger and watching my parents constantly argue and my dad sometimes turning violent (not saying your partner is though) and the effect it had on me with schooling and everything was horrible. When my dad use to get in i would go to my room out of the way because i always expected a big argument. It definatly wasn't comforatble when they were together but when they split up as much as it was horrible to go with one and leave the other it ended up much better. My parents got on better and it just felt more comfortable in general.
Its all up to you and your feelings really but don't stay together just for your children because they can get effected just as much.
Hope all goes well for you
Lisa xxx
I think for me it was the fact that we were existing in the same house together but there was nothing else there. A friend of mine listened to me talk my thoughts out for a long time and he said to me to imagine my future - what I wanted for my life and could i see a future with the ex in it, and i went to bed and lay there and thought about all the things I hoped to do with my life and none of them included him. It still took another couple of months after that though for me to actually dump him.
Having said that - tigerlily makes sense too about making sure you try and have some baby free time with your oh - it might help you reconnect or at least to talk. Do you get any time to yourself at all? That might help as well.
For me it was the right decision and I'm happy now with hubby and lo, but I've always gone with 'if you aren't sure don't do anything' - better to take a bit more time to sort things out in your head than to rush into splitting up and regret it.
hope you sort things out one way or the other
xx
Even now we are sitting at the table, eating Chinese and I normally would put the laptop away, but he just ate MY spring roll! It's so annoying, if he really loved me surely he wouldn't have done that! xoxox
Good luck with whatever you decide x
Enough about my woes! HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!
i was with my ex-partner for 5 years, altho there were no children involved, it took me 2 1/2 years to finally decide to leave him. my situation was different, but the feelings were still the same.
the only bit of advice i can give is from my own personal experience, and thats think whats best for your children ( i grew up witnessing violence etc with my mum and stepdad and its not healthy-altho this is not the case with you) and also whats best for you. if the stress of it all is getting you down, your children will see this and their mood will mirror yours, and also their behaviour may change as they will see "mummy and daddy doing it" so in turn theyll use your moods and behaviour as examples of their own, the last thing you want is stressed out children playing up and havin tantrums etc.
if i were you, id arrange to have some 'me' time with a close friend and talk it all through, make lists of what you like/dislike about your partner, get him to do the same and talk it through with eachother, without the children being there. you may find that you both feel the same, that being parents has come first for so long, that you both need to redescover why you got together in the first place,
good luck and i really hope everything works out for you and your children