🚨 Advance warning 🚨 This forum will be closing on 1st May – please see our pinned thread for more information.
Options
UPDATE to my "how to word this" post, please read :D
I have deleted the other question as i now know how i need to word the question.
Do women who are TTC but already have children, find it less stressful/heartbreaking this time round because they know that IF it took them so long to conceive again or IF they couldn't conceive again they have always got the one thing we all want.....someone to call them mummy???
I am not saying women shouldn't feel what us first time TTC'ers feel, i am just asking how you feel. I know if i had a child i would love for them to have a sibling but i would also feel that if it took a long time to conceive again or if i couldn't then even though it would break my heart i would know i still have the thing i have always wanted...a child.
Hopefully this makes a little more sense, i know everyone has replied but i wanted to word my question that little bit better so people didn't take offence to it.
Thanks Tink
[Modified by: *Tink* on 11 December 2009 12:52:16 ]
Do women who are TTC but already have children, find it less stressful/heartbreaking this time round because they know that IF it took them so long to conceive again or IF they couldn't conceive again they have always got the one thing we all want.....someone to call them mummy???
I am not saying women shouldn't feel what us first time TTC'ers feel, i am just asking how you feel. I know if i had a child i would love for them to have a sibling but i would also feel that if it took a long time to conceive again or if i couldn't then even though it would break my heart i would know i still have the thing i have always wanted...a child.
Hopefully this makes a little more sense, i know everyone has replied but i wanted to word my question that little bit better so people didn't take offence to it.
Thanks Tink
[Modified by: *Tink* on 11 December 2009 12:52:16 ]
0
Replies
PP84 x
[Modified by: Mrs PP84 on December 10, 2009 09:25 AM]
Good question Tink and good luck xx
[Modified by: DiscoDivaSara on December 10, 2009 09:50 AM]
I can't comment Tink as I'm a first-timer, but I think if you want a baby whether you've got one or not, it's hard if it's not happening or things keep going wrong. I think those people who already have a baby/child it is a consolation if they find they can't concieve again that at least they've been blessed with one, but I think it must also be frustrating if you've got a child and not having any luck concieving as you know you've done it before!
Hope this makes sense.
xxx
xxx
I know what you mean and I have often wondered myself how the first time TTC'ers feel about women like me who are TTC when I already have kids. There have been times I have worried about saying stuff because I already have kids and I don't want to appear ungrateful.
In answer to your question I would say for me- does it bother me if it takes a bit longer? Yes and no. I think for me, it does help (if that is the right word) that I already have kids. I am well aware of the fact that alot of ladies are just dying to become mums for the first time and I already have that. Obviously there is also the fact that the kids keep me busy and therefore I don't consentrate as much on TTC (although tbh it doesn't stop the 2ww being touture).
However, I think that it needs to be said that every child and every pregnancy is totally different. It would be unfair on potentional future children to say that they are not as important as your first. I know when/if we are blessed with another child I will feel like a first time mum again when I get my BFP because I am a first time mum to that baby. I think the process of TTC is hard for any woman, it doesn't really matter how many other children you have in that sense- although I can totally see how it looks to a first time TTCer.
xxxxxx
I'm also worried that the age gap is getting bigger and bigger and I'm getting older - as I've already put my career on hold, the longer I'm out of the game the harder it will be to get back into work once my kid(s) are older.
I'm not entirely sure what you are trying to say or find out, but it's just as hard second time around and I don't feel I deserve my bfp any less than someone who doesn't already have kids....
I know what it is like to hold my newborn baby so even if Neve had been an only child we would still be very, very lucky people but I just desperately felt that by not being able to have another child I was denying Neve (and us) the real joy of having siblings to lean on and grow up with.
So I think the feelings are just as strong when ttc second (or more) children but they are slightly different and we all need to be respectful of this, after all its tough on everyone and we are all here for support. For what its worth I don't think you sounded arguamentative
I hope you don't have too long to wait Tink.
xxx
yes i feel so blessed to have atleast one child it hurts me that i havnt had another as i no how much love i have to give but i have been blessed
i think its to different types of yearning for the same thing x
H.xxx
I am ttc #2 and seeing a BFN kills me everytime. I think i would be more stressed etc if it wasnt for my boy. The age gap is getting bigger and i am wanting to go back to work but the longer i am out of work the harded it will be to go back.
Also as my son gets older he is starting to ask for a sister :roll: and family keep asking him if he want's a bro/sis so he keeps asking (not that my family know about ttc)
He asked for his bday for a sis and when asked what he wanted for xmas he asked for a sis again ( so in a different way i also want a bro/sis for my boy and i cant give him that.
Also I am so scared that in having my son i cant get preg as i had so really heavy bleeding after giving birth 1st time and since having my son i have had 2 mc's
Everyone should have as many children as they want and can give love to and although i have a son and i would love 1 more Something in me tells me each month to give my boy a hug coz i am a very lucky mummy already xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Mrsc06... U wrote everything i was feeling when i was reading this post xx
Month 16 TTC #2
Gems xx
The reason i was asking is i have a friend who has a daughter and it currently TTC. No one knows iu am TTC as i don't want the sympathy if it takes a while but when i asked my friend if she was frustrated at not conceiving yet she said no it didnt bother her cause she already has what she wants which is a child of her own. She said it would be nice to have another one but her longing for a baby the first time round was much more than it is this time because if she can't manage to conceive ever again she'll always know that she got her dream of been a mummy anyway!
I asked because my friend made me think. I didn't put the post on here to say women who already have children have no right to be upset because it is taking them longer than they would like to conceive.
I posted this thread because i was ASKING whether women weren't as anxious and stressed out to conceive the second time because they know they already have their dream. I think all little boys/girls should have a brother/sister but i am sure there are women out there like my friend who think "well if i never conceive again i will always have been blessed with a child" and therefore don't find it as stressful/heartbreaking the 2nd, 3rd, 4th time around!
Sorry to MrsC06, Discodivasara and gembags who maybe took this the wrong way. I think i worded it wrong in the first place.
I think it must be frustrating for any woman TTC even if you have a child already.
I cannot comment really as after almost two years and no kids all I want is one ! but i bet that wont be enought for me ..
If I get blessed with one I think I will start again right away for the next one
For all you I wish you a bfp soon, like I say I was told on 1st June we would need ICSI, in that we were so bad on sperm count we couldn't even have IVF!! Then on 10th June Imy little egg met a little sperm!!! It just takes one girlies so keep up with all that bding and hope to see you in pregnancy soon xx
I really feel for all the childless couples who are trying to have babies without luck andlike some others I actually feel a bit bad for wanting another so bad but I guess its human nature and natural for women to want babies if they have none or one or ten
Good luck to all