today i am feeling a bit rubbish.. is anyone else feeling mega hormonal? my self esteem is in my boots takes me forever to get ready think i changed about 8 times today before i felt comfortable enough to leave the house. feeling very over emotional!!! have just finished my af though so think that has a lot to do with it. can't believe how fast time has gone. we could start trying this month now which scares me a little but also gives me something to focus on i suppose. i just can't help feeling a little guilty? for moving on too quickly?
i have just started taking pregnacare conception again even that felt like taking a little step forward. lots of hugs to you all x x
Hi mrsash big hugs for you today, I mega broke down last night, after my day had not been too bad. My mum was speaking about my Bruce what she's doing and what she's saying and I'm getting so upset and angry cos I'm never going to hear about my baby doing stuff or saying things; last night I just curled up on my bed screaming please please please can I have my baby back, the more time goes on its getting harder and harder to get back to normal life- cos I won't step foot out of the house and am off work at the moment. I'm in pregnacare as well- are you going to start trying this month? Do you work? Xxxx
i'm so sorry to hear that hun it really is such an emotionally traumatic thing to go through. i do think getting out the house helps a lot. i had nearly two weeks of feeling so bad i didn't want to go out and see people/ do normal things.
i do work, and going back was definitely the best thing for me.. some days it can be stressful but it gives me something else to focus on!
we were planning on trying again this month but had a bit of a knock back today. sorry if this is too much info i am just so worried!!! me + hubby had sex for the first time this morning and then when i popped to the loo about an hour later i had been bleeding!!! have recently had af but had 2 days of nothing before dtd this morning. so feeling confused and upset, just wish things would go back to normal really struggling with my body at the moment, i almost hate myself a bit if that makes sense?
hope today is a little better for you hun, just take them as they come xxxxx
Awww no I like you sharing this with me, I'm glad to hear you are trying again, it might have been just a bit of disruption in there after sex cos the doctor did say to me that when i have sex for the first time you might bleed a little bit. But when you go for your appointment on the 14th make sure you ask them. Don't hate yourself, like you said to me you've got to allow yourself to recover and to feel all the emotions. I know I need to get out the house but I just can't seem to do it yet, I will try my hardest this week to push myself xxxxx hope you have a good day as well, I will come on later for a bit of a chat xxx
Hi mylittleangel08 and Mrsash3, sorry to hear you have both had a bad couple of days. i totally get the hating yourself thing when you feel like your body lied to you so badly and continues to do things like bleed when you think you are getting back on track its hard to like yourself or ever trust your body again, i also hate my entire wardrobe as i think everything makes me look fat, miserable or worse pregnant even though little bump and big books have now gone down a friend of mine has suggested i try puncture to try and get some balance back, so i might look into it.
I am on school holidays at the moment but really dreading going back to work as i am surrounded by small children all day and dont want to let them sown either by not feeling fully with it! Sigh, such a minefield this loss business isn't it! Xxxx
Aww fairysare all women are beautiful in their own way and my personal opinion I think pregnant women with their bumps are really beautiful- as you said we haven't got our bumps but we will have and when we do I'm sure without a doubt we will all look stunning! My mum took me for a walk around a park today - its actually quite made me feel quite a bit better hopefully I don't go on a downward spiral tonight. I did do a pregnancy test today even though I was meant to wait until the 7th of September and it's says negative but I'm confused cos the nurse said that once it says negative it means all the pregnancy tissue has gone but im still bleeding and passing tissue- what do you ladies think - is this normal and ok?? Xxxx
Well done for getting out, just take your time. i think the test will be based on how much pregnancy hormone left in your system so maybe that has gone down and the rest of your body is catching up. it sounds like you took a couple of major steps today im sure seeing the negative test was hard and hope you find tonight okay but if not its still perfectly fine to cry, scream etc xxxx
thanks for the tlc, me and the hubbie are out for dinner later which i am looking forward to, hoping for no sad attacks!
mylittleangel i'm glad you got out and about for a walk hun, will have done you some good x my pregnancy test came back negative although i was still bleeding from the miscarriage hun so don't worry, like fairysare said it is just that your pregnancy hormone (hcg) has gone down but does mean your body is on the right track at least think of it that way. your bleeding should ease off soon. mine tapered off, had nothing for a few days, but then came back again!! so don't be alarmed if that happens too sweets x it feels like it goes on forever but it will stop soon.
hope you have both had okay days? mine was alright, just put comfy clothes on and chilled. was nice not to have a fight with my wardrobe lol!!! it is the weirdest thing trying things on and it isn't that i want to be skinny if anything its the opposite! i didn't mind looking rubbish before cus there was a good reason for it. but now it is just rubbish..
it really is a minefield fairysare! new worries keep popping up all over the place for me everytime i think i am getting somewhere a new problem pops up! bloody nightmare! hope you enjoy your dinner out hun x
feeling a bit horrible today, very anxious for some reason. don't think crazy hormones are helping hate feeling worried and anxious all the time it is awful!
working a bit of over time this week too as someone has gone sick so that is rubbish.. roll on bank holiday weekend!!!
I hate feeling anxious, try and do something relaxing hun. What do you work as Hun? I'm not feeling too bad- Im getting very anxious as well cos I'm due back to work next Monday I'm just so scared that I'm going to fall apart. Xxx
I'm a medical receptionist in a surgery. Makes the anxiety worse when I am surrounded by bad news some days! x
Work might be the best thing for you hun, I think its a bit of a make or break situation with things like this for us at the moment. Will either do you the world of good or the opposite. Lets hope it's the first x Work does keep my mind off things, it is just when I get home I feel a bit crap.
Struggling with the idea of trying again now that we actually can. Keeps hitting me that we are no longer pregnant and I feel like I'm trying to replace something? Which makes me feel guilty and upset. That is probably my main struggle at the moment. Makes me wonder if I am ready to try again, but then I think I will always feel like this whenever we decide to so I guess it is just something we need to work through..
Sorry to ramble! Having one of those days. How is your recovery going if you don't mind me asking littleangel? xx
You ramble away hun by all means, it's nice we can both speak to each other bout this and help each other at the same time. I know where your coming from, sometimes I worry that I'm going to resent the baby when I'm next pregnant - which I feel awful to say. But I bet you, cos your trying again- when you get the news that you are pregnant again you will probably feel over the moon and it might make you feel better. It's like my mum said you will never forget, our lost angels will always be in our hearts and thoughts all our life and no-one can take that away from us. I've stopped bleeding now, and for some reason even though I'm grieving and still going through the motions today I've felt eager to try again. Xxxx
Hi ladies, sorry to hear you are feeling wobbly and anxious today mrsash3. I think the feeling you are replacing something is totally normal, but very hard to get your head around. i feel that too, have you thought about doing a kind of ritual or something to remember them by? We are going to do something down by the sea when i feel ready, perhaps paint some stones and throw them in. i also have a ring with a very tiny dot of amythest in it which to me symbolises how tiny the baby was and amythest is meant to help heal grief and is also the birth stone for February the month my baby would have been born. having the ring has helped me as i never take it off. have you thought about doing anything like that it might help separate the grief for the baby which will be a long term thing to work through i imagine but might bring more emotional space to see trying again as a new pregnancy? Are you doing anything like that littleangel08? Xxxxx
Actually that is a really good point fairysare, when I looked miscarriage up on the Internet it said about doing something like that so I have done a few things- i have kept every medical paperwork from my miscarriage and the one scan picture I had, even though looking at it really hurts me I want to keep it because to me it means my lost angel will always be with me, my partner and I are also going the the teddy bear factory (where you can create your own teddy bear) to create a bear that represents our little angel and I'm hoping to get my sister to stitch wording on there- cos we called our baby "bambino" whilst I was pregnant, so we're going to stitch that on the bear. How are you Feeling fairysare? Xxxx
That sounds like a lovely idea littleangel08, i think it is so important to do something to mark the loss. it is my 31st birthday on Saturday....dreading it, i have my 2 best friends coming over but i know it will be a sob fest because i thought i would be in such a different place on mh birthday. sigh! How are you today? Xxx
Replies
hi girls x
today i am feeling a bit rubbish.. is anyone else feeling mega hormonal? my self esteem is in my boots
takes me forever to get ready think i changed about 8 times today before i felt comfortable enough to leave the house. feeling very over emotional!!! have just finished my af though so think that has a lot to do with it. can't believe how fast time has gone. we could start trying this month now which scares me a little but also gives me something to focus on i suppose. i just can't help feeling a little guilty? for moving on too quickly?
i have just started taking pregnacare conception again even that felt like taking a little step forward. lots of hugs to you all x x
hi littleangel,
i'm so sorry to hear that hun
it really is such an emotionally traumatic thing to go through. i do think getting out the house helps a lot. i had nearly two weeks of feeling so bad i didn't want to go out and see people/ do normal things.
i do work, and going back was definitely the best thing for me.. some days it can be stressful but it gives me something else to focus on!
we were planning on trying again this month but had a bit of a knock back today. sorry if this is too much info i am just so worried!!! me + hubby had sex for the first time this morning and then when i popped to the loo about an hour later i had been bleeding!!! have recently had af but had 2 days of nothing before dtd this morning. so feeling confused and upset, just wish things would go back to normal
really struggling with my body at the moment, i almost hate myself a bit if that makes sense?
hope today is a little better for you hun, just take them as they come xxxxx
I am on school holidays at the moment but really dreading going back to work as i am surrounded by small children all day and dont want to let them sown either by not feeling fully with it! Sigh, such a minefield this loss business isn't it! Xxxx
thanks for the tlc, me and the hubbie are out for dinner later which i am looking forward to, hoping for no sad attacks!
Love to all xxxx
mylittleangel i'm glad you got out and about for a walk hun, will have done you some good x
my pregnancy test came back negative although i was still bleeding from the miscarriage hun so don't worry, like fairysare said it is just that your pregnancy hormone (hcg) has gone down but does mean your body is on the right track at least think of it that way. your bleeding should ease off soon. mine tapered off, had nothing for a few days, but then came back again!! so don't be alarmed if that happens too sweets x it feels like it goes on forever but it will stop soon.
hope you have both had okay days? mine was alright, just put comfy clothes on and chilled. was nice not to have a fight with my wardrobe lol!!! it is the weirdest thing trying things on and it isn't that i want to be skinny if anything its the opposite! i didn't mind looking rubbish before cus there was a good reason for it. but now it is just rubbish..
it really is a minefield fairysare! new worries keep popping up all over the place for me everytime i think i am getting somewhere a new problem pops up! bloody nightmare! hope you enjoy your dinner out hun x
thinking of you all lots of love xxxx
feeling a bit horrible today, very anxious for some reason. don't think crazy hormones are helping
hate feeling worried and anxious all the time it is awful!
working a bit of over time this week too as someone has gone sick so that is rubbish.. roll on bank holiday weekend!!!
how is everyone feeling?xxx
I'm a medical receptionist in a surgery. Makes the anxiety worse when I am surrounded by bad news some days! x
Work might be the best thing for you hun, I think its a bit of a make or break situation with things like this for us at the moment. Will either do you the world of good or the opposite. Lets hope it's the first x Work does keep my mind off things, it is just when I get home I feel a bit crap.
Struggling with the idea of trying again now that we actually can. Keeps hitting me that we are no longer pregnant and I feel like I'm trying to replace something? Which makes me feel guilty and upset. That is probably my main struggle at the moment. Makes me wonder if I am ready to try again, but then I think I will always feel like this whenever we decide to so I guess it is just something we need to work through..
Sorry to ramble! Having one of those days. How is your recovery going if you don't mind me asking littleangel? xx