Moved to the countryside with 2 under 2 and PND

Hello everyone,

It's my first time on here today. I feel like posting on here may make me feel less lonely/a bit better than what I do right now.

I have not been to the doctors about my depression as I think I have been in denial for a long time that I am ok...I have just realised I am not :(

In January my young family moved from the city to a rural village in the countryside. We made this move as we were private renting beforehand and the cost of living was so expensive even with us both working. The opportunity arrived where we could rent a council property in the country, for cheaper and it has gave us a stepping stone to save a deposit and buy the house.

The house is amazing, it has everything you could wish for for your children, in a lovely respectable environment. 

It did however meaning to change our daughters school, she is 6 years old, she has happily settled and I am so proud of how she took to the transition.

However, as selfish as it seems. I am not happy. I cry every single day and I feel so so lonely.

I have 2 boys under 2 so they do keep me busy and i love my children so much but everyday I feel like it's a constant battle in my head. I feel like it's hard raising these little children all by myself in a place I do not know anyone nor can I get to know anyone.

I haven't got a car and there is nothing to do in my village. I solely rely on my partner to be transported around. He works long hours in management up and down the country and I never ever get another family member to offer to help me or visit me.

I just feel so guilty for feeling this way. I really want to embrace living here but I feel like I have given up so much of my life moving here as well as raising my children, who are at a very demanding age. 

Everyday feels like it's becoming mor3 difficult with my emotions. I wake up and cry and I do not want to anymore as I have 3 healthy happy children. 

The arguments have started with my partner. Maybe I am being mean but I do keep blaming him for us moving here. 

Last night I said to him i would like to move back to the city and he said that's me being hormonal? He said if i do I'm a bad mum for taking this all away from my kids? His words have really hurt me . Calling me a bad mother when I devote my life to them.

I just don't know what to do . I know it's not healthy to cry anymore. I guess I'm maybe just looking for a shoulder to cry on or someone to listen and understand me.

Sorry for the long post. Thank you for reading it if you do xx

Posts

  • Hello lovely, i've just read your post, and reading it, i think to me, if you are suffering with depression, no matter where you live or what you do, you will be sad anywhere.
     
    Try and tackle one thing at a time and i think you should start with you! Please, please  start by visiting the doctor and talk things through - maybe some anti-depressants? No shame in taking them, and after a month when they kick in (it takes 4 weeks for them to start working), then have a think about your situ. 

    Sounds like your kids are doing great, and moving might not have been a mistake, but a healthy mummy is a happy mummy, so please visit your doc and go from there. 
    Hope this makes sense x

  • It’s not surprising you feel lonely and isolated. It doesn’t necessarily mean pnd but definitely speak to gp or health visitor about your feelings.

    If there is nothing for you and kids in the area, could you start something? Is there a coffee shop or church hall in the area? Could you maybe take the steps to start a carer And toddler type meeting group? I’m not sure the in and outs of it but it’s soemthing to maybe focus on and clear your head of other worries. There is maybe other mums feel similar in the area.

    Try not to take what your partner said to heart. It sounds like your both doing your best by the children and sometimes sparks fly when under stress. Sit down and have a proper chat about how you feel and ask how he feels. It sounds like the new house is ideal other than company.

    plus I find the support and company on here great. Someone else always has a different mindset on things and can really help you to see things differently and feel better. Plus it’s good to know other people arent living the perfect life either 😉 my ‘due in may’ group Always made me feel better and still do now. It was nice to know others were eating McDonald’s nearly every day too haha. So why not add the forums of your children’s ages? 

    Natalie x

  • Hi

    I live in a village and sometimes do not have a car. It can be very lonely and isolating. 

    However, I make myself go to a playgroup at least once a week, a local one. Or just a walk once a day, anything, to get me out of the house.

    Do go and see the doctor - you sound like you have a lot on your plate and even just talking to someone may help. I have also uploaded a vlog about my PND on my YT channel Clara Sais.

    Do you have a friend or family around? You are not a bad mother, please don't ever think that x

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