Moved to the countryside with 2 under 2 and PND
It's my first time on here today. I feel like posting on here may make me feel less lonely/a bit better than what I do right now.
I have not been to the doctors about my depression as I think I have been in denial for a long time that I am ok...I have just realised I am not
In January my young family moved from the city to a rural village in the countryside. We made this move as we were private renting beforehand and the cost of living was so expensive even with us both working. The opportunity arrived where we could rent a council property in the country, for cheaper and it has gave us a stepping stone to save a deposit and buy the house.
The house is amazing, it has everything you could wish for for your children, in a lovely respectable environment.
It did however meaning to change our daughters school, she is 6 years old, she has happily settled and I am so proud of how she took to the transition.
However, as selfish as it seems. I am not happy. I cry every single day and I feel so so lonely.
I have 2 boys under 2 so they do keep me busy and i love my children so much but everyday I feel like it's a constant battle in my head. I feel like it's hard raising these little children all by myself in a place I do not know anyone nor can I get to know anyone.
I haven't got a car and there is nothing to do in my village. I solely rely on my partner to be transported around. He works long hours in management up and down the country and I never ever get another family member to offer to help me or visit me.
I just feel so guilty for feeling this way. I really want to embrace living here but I feel like I have given up so much of my life moving here as well as raising my children, who are at a very demanding age.
Everyday feels like it's becoming mor3 difficult with my emotions. I wake up and cry and I do not want to anymore as I have 3 healthy happy children.
The arguments have started with my partner. Maybe I am being mean but I do keep blaming him for us moving here.
Last night I said to him i would like to move back to the city and he said that's me being hormonal? He said if i do I'm a bad mum for taking this all away from my kids? His words have really hurt me . Calling me a bad mother when I devote my life to them.
I just don't know what to do . I know it's not healthy to cry anymore. I guess I'm maybe just looking for a shoulder to cry on or someone to listen and understand me.
Sorry for the long post. Thank you for reading it if you do xx