Deformity Testing? Who said no?

Hello everyone!

It's coming up to the time where I'll be having blood tests and testing for things like Down's syndrome. I've been having a mental debate as to whether i should go ahead with it? I know that people with down's can have a very fulfilling life and work and have a great time just like the rest of us and some are fully independent.

I was at my mum's house last night and my brother asked what I would do if a test came back that i was high risk of a deformity and i said i might not have a test done as i know i will love the baby no matter what and would feel heartless and so guilt ridden of i had a termination, because that's a selfish thing to do. then he said, 'i wouldn't want to keep a baby that had down's cuz its not fair on you and its not fair on the child. the child will not have a life worth living as it will be so hard living with that condition.'

My oh thinks pretty much the same. i really don't know whether i should go for this test or not? if the results say high risk, then there will be war in my family as to what should be done. I could never live with myself and would never be the same again if I got rid of a baby.

or am I worrying too much??:\?

Thanks for reading, Karys xx
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Posts

  • This is a difficult one. The way I look at it is even if you come back as a high risk, say 1:50, 49 people will have a perfectly normal baby! And likewise, even if you come back low risk there's always the possibility that you could be the one who has a baby with abnormalities. Sorry, I guess this isn't much help! I too have this dilemma coming up and I'm definitely going to have the test. I'll deal with the result when I know what it is. Good luck with whatever decision you make Karys xxxxxxxxxx

    [Modified by: SWillo on December 03, 2007 11:09 AM]
  • thanks, it's a hard decision. maybe i should know the results before i make a decision.
  • I think that's a good idea Karys. Good luck honey xxxxxx
  • Thanks Debs. Your lo is waving at me!! Ahhh bless xxx
  • I chose not to have the triple test. I was stressing over whether or not to have it as my oh thinks pretty much the same as yours, but like you I think I'd be traumatised for life if I had an abortion. It's such a difficult decision but I think so many women regret having one. I'm only 19, so very low-risk age wise. But if the test had come back high risk then I wouldn't want the amnio and would be stressing out for the rest of the pregnancy - thats just me. So I didn't have it - I think it causes more stress than not, as SWillo says you could be low-risk and still have a down's baby.
    Philippa
    19 wks x
  • hi, i just thought id add to this one

    i refused the testing as i am against termination, i just knew that i would continue my pregnancy regardless and to be given a number like that just doesnt seem right. i wouldnt have had an amnio either due to the risks so i didnt see the point in the intital tests. im 21 so the risk is low for me anyway but my a member of my family cares for people with severe downs and autism and they have quite fulfilling lives. neither me nor my partner would be bothered should our child have special needs.

    i think it is everyones personal decision and it is not for others to judge what we do. if you want the test done then id go for it as we are lucky to even have such medical knowldge etc to do this. u need to agree with oh what ur intentions so you can support eachother.

    good luck with whatever you decide and wish u a healthy pregnancy image
    xxx
  • I chose not to have the test done as I knew I personally wouldnt have an amnio no matter what the results were. Its a very difficult decison to make and Im sure you will do whats right for you, good luck xxx
  • Thanks tiger and holly for your thoughts. Will keep them in mind. The number's they give, well they're like odds really, well they can be so confusing to people. And the amnio can be very risky.

    My mum was 39 when she had me and she had the amnio done which is a lot more accurate. I think because of her age at the time and the fact that I was unplanned (cry) she thought it would be best to have it done. I don't blame her cuz I think when your at that age, you will be thinking more of the future and retiring etc and it would have been so hard for my parents as my dad was 48 at the time for them to look after me if i was down's or had special needs.

    But i'm 22 and think that makes me of a much lower risk anyway.
  • i chose not to do the tests as i could not face having to abort my child i've already come to love it and it would break my heart to know that it's life had ended at my choice... I think its a heart felt choice i'd got myself all worked up b4 the booking in with the midwife that i was an emotional wreck till my mom asked me what was up i told her she said did i have to do and when i said no she said so whats the worry for then. There is far more support out there for moms with a child with a disability than back in her day and that if it was healthy why should i care. Good bit of advice i listened to... I'll love my baby the same where it had 1 leg or 6 toes lol it's what i was given after wanting to b a mom for so long why should i care if my6 child looks a lil different to others it makes them a gift and more unique! makes them more special in my eyes and more deserving of the extra love that only a mom and dad can give. My oh hasn't even thought about if it has a disability and doesn't care as i'm used to working with disabilities and he knows i'd make the right choice image sorry if i rambled on image oo0oo michelle i'm having my secon scan (my official dating scan) on weds too image
  • we chose not to have any of them done.
    we decided we would have and love our child regardless, but the decision didnt come easily. My sister had disabilities and ive had to mother her, and will have to again in the future when our dad dies, so it would have been difficult if wed had a baby with difficulties.

    i personally thought i was going to have enough prodding and poking anyway and i didnt want anymore. i wanted to share my body with my baby and enjoy it without worrying.
    the stress caused by having the tests would have driven me mad.

    sorry probably not much help.
    good luck whatever you decide.
    xxx
  • Thanks crochet mom, what you said just brought a lump to my throat. special needs children are unique and they're so loving too.
  • I decided not to have any tests either - Knew I didn't want to take the risk of having an amnio so couldn't really see the point in having the test! Good luck and remember that whatever you decide is right for you - and don't beat yourself up about it, xxx
  • Hi,
    Like everyone, i really struggled with this too and initially said no to any testing as i wouldn't terminate the pregnancy anyway and i felt all the blood tests etc were stressful enough. But the midwife did talk me round and said that even if termination wasn't on the cards, should there be a problem, at least you would have more time to prepare for a baby with special needs and wouldn't have so many rejection issues after the birth so i did have the blood tests. Having said that, i don't think i could through with an amnio because of the risks. But I can understand the benefits of both sides. Its a very personal choice.
  • I found this making this decision really hard too... My hubby wasnt too keen and came with me when i had my antenatal check up. He said in teh waiting room he didnt really want me to have it but deep down, i knew i wanted it. So i decided to have them taken then cried my eyes out the next day as i was so worried in case they came back high risk and hubby would be cross as he didnt want me to have them in the first place as he said even if they came back high risk, we wouldnt have the amnio and then i would stress for the rest of my pregnancy.

    Anyway, i said well ive had them now so will just wait for the results and luckily they came back 1:3700 (or something like that) so now i am really relieved i had the test. But like someone else siad on this thread, its still no guarantee is it?

  • Your post has reduced me to tears joanne. What a remarkable person you are. If only there were more people like you in this world xxxxxxx
  • Joanne - what an incredible person, you deserve a medal. You love your children no matter what and I admire you and Swillo is right I wish there were more people like you!!

    Thank you so much for posting and I hope all goes well and you and your family look forward to a happy future!

    Love, Karys xx
  • I chose not to test. I think we need to remember that Downs Syndrome is not the worst condition that a child can have and a lot of people with it go on to live independently and hold down a full time job.

    I work with children with profound learning difficulties so I suppose my mind was well made up since I know the quality of life even the most disabled child can have. It's a lot of hard work and a lifetime commitment that I understand that not everyone feels able to make and its a hard decision for any new parent to make. I would recommend anyone who has had a high risk result back to go visit a special needs school or try and get in contact with other parents who have had disabled children and ask what its like- the difficulties and rewards of bringing up a disabled child.
  • That's something I never thought of doing. Thank you Nicospoon for sharing that information.
  • I decided against the test! i just thought well i wouldn't get rid of it if it was so whats the point!
    I always said before i got preg that i wouldn't keep a baby with servere disabilities, but i had a miscarriage in Jan this year and it was the worst thing i've ever been through and after that there was noway i could ever get rid of a baby just because it wasn't perfect!
    Me and hubby did have alot of heated discussions about this as he still thinks it would be best to get rid if anything was wrong, but he knows how much i wanted a baby and how hard the MC hit me and so he left the decission up to me!

    At the end of the day its your body, its you that would have to have a termination, if you don't think you could go through that, then thats your decission made!
    Even if the test came back high risk that doesn't mean it has downs! and if it comes back low risk, equally that doesn't mean it doesn't!!

    Samantha 35+1
  • It is a difficult one, I had the test with my last baby and got a result of 1:8700, so I am going to have it again this time, because I feel that it is not fair on the child, siblings or parents because conditions such as downs are so complicated and people with this condition suffer a huge stigma and bullying. However I know loads of people who wud continue regardless and I have a great amount of respect for them. At the end of the day its a personal choice that shudn't be influenced by wat ova people say Kerry xxxxxxx
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