So scared.

I have 6 weeks & a day left and I am getting really scared.

I know someone with a 14 week old and I am rubbish with him! It always feels so awkward holding babies, and I've never changed a nappy before so have no idea how to do anything. When my lo's born he will have a big family (all who I bet are brilliant with kids) and I know he is going to get passed around and it makes me so upset to think he might love someone else more than me, or someone else might be better with him. People are going to be visiting constantly and wanting to hold him, and I'm dreading it, this sounds mean and overreacting but it makes my blood run cold, that he's been mine exclusively for 9 months, I don't know how I'll cope if someone else does it all better!

This sounds awful but I really don't like the thought of others holding him in case he 'prefers' them! I am terrible with babies as well so I can see it happening. I don't know how to tell people about this as it sounds stupid like I just want him to myself. But the truth is I am so worried about looking after a baby (babies hate me).

My OH is completely unhelpful, all he says is you will be great.

Am I weird? Help!!! :cry:
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  • Hey hun, I felt like this when I had my first, but it really does all come naturally and after a couple of weeks you will be a pro!! My daughter is nearly 4 now and I am really nervous holding babies again, but know it will come back to me when this one is born.
    Your baby won't like anyone more than you as even the sound of your heartbeat will comfort him as he has been listening it for 9 months.
    You never know, once the baby is here you might be glad of a little break while someone else holds him for a while.
    I know it's hard but try not to worry about it hun, you will know your baby, and what he likes more than anyone else.

    Faith.xxx
  • Hi Tiger Lily

    I feel exactly the same as you. I have never changed a nappy, never been around young babies and don't know what you are meant to do with them. I was so shocked they needed food every 2-3 hours! Everything I read I just think, 'oh my god, what have we done'.

    I just think we'll manage and I am sure you will too. If you get the nappy on the wrong way round, well, so what, my view is when you've had to clean up poo from it's trousers several times you'll learn to get it right.

    I don't think anyone will be better at it than you. He is yours and you have carried him for 9 months. I've decided to cut my visitors down after the birth and maybe you could do the same. Also, it might seem someone is 'better' but don't forget they are not up throughout the night and bloody knackered looking after a newborn.

    Try not to worry. You will be fine.
  • Hi girls, im from baby forum just to let you know my friend had a baby about 3 months before me and i had never had held babies before i had my lo (im only 22) and i thought i was completley useless. As soon as my lo arrived it just comes natural to you believe me and because its your baby you arnt so causious as you are with other people babies. You will get on fine girls as you know your baby is yours. My lo dosent like anyone holding her as much as me as we have that bond that you will get when you lo's arrive. Good luck xx
  • Thanks everyone! I thought I was weird, it's reassuring to know that other people feel the same! xxx
  • I understand this - and it's something that Westbrom posted about wishing/ and missing her pregnancy now the baby is here that triggered these thoughts for me.
    We have been trying for a baby for two and a half years - & Up till recently I hated being pregnant! & I've been having anxious thoughts about will I be able - how will I know what to do - what if I sleep through a feed through sheer exhaustion - Am I ready?
    My OH is one of 6 and is an Uncle to 17 he became an uncle at 4 and is now also a granduncle at the ripe old age of 25... All his sisters (4) seem to have it in there blood - pop babies out, cope, still manage to look fab and be fantastic parents with well behaved loved secure children - I hope that I won't be inadequate by comparison... I on the other hand am an only child with very little experience.
    It's only recently that I've started to enjoy the attention that being pregnant brings - in a shop yesterday I asked about a maternity swim suit and the shop assistant rubbed my belly lol? - on the tube later going to see Afrika Afrika at the O2... the tube was jolting around and somebody I didn't know held my arm to make sure I wasn't knocked over - I've had complete strangers - just smile almost grin at my protruding bump! It's because it's a different type of attention - normally I will be complemented by having the -Phwarr factor' as apposed to being a frumpy big mama! But getting my head around it - and starting to love this little life I'm growing all just me!
    & while he is in there he is mine - I don't have to share him, I know I can do by best by what I eat and drink and how I can take care of myself and that it is rapped up safe and warm with all his needs being met!!
    They say this is the easy bit - not that encouraging when you are finding pregnancy Sooo hard! But the thing is - the pregnancy for me has seems too gone in a flash and only now I'm starting to enjoy it!
    I think the thing with it all is you always look back through rose tinted glasses... and to just try and enjoy each stage as it comes... when your pregnant enjoy your pregnancy... When you have a new born and are exhausted just try to enjoy it remembering they are only that little for such a short period of time, we all spend our time wishing it away so we can just catch a minute of sleep and before we realise its all gone and were onto the next stage! & in some ways although it frightening prospect letting them go a little bit, you'll soon be reassured when the baby will ONLY settle with you because you know best - lol and I'm sure at the time I'll be wishing please just go to daddy for a few minutes so I can have a bath ect... even thought I'm really anxious about where baby's and daddy affection is going (I've not had to share either of them as of yet - Daddy is mine and baby is mine if that makes sense and of course they will love each other and I want them too) - it the nature of changing a relationship to a family and to remember that love doesn't run out... you don't only get so much and when it's used up it cant be replenished! That your baby can love you and other people too and no ones love is compromised!
    Just think all those babies you think hate you - don't really its just THEY prefer mummy! & that will be the same for you and me too!
    And really if someone with a little more experience is willing to give you time while you just wash your hair that it means the time you have with the little one will be so much more valuable because you won't have to be preoccupied with ALL the other things you have to do!
    I'm sure people will make comments when the time comes even if it's not meant maliciously that makes us feel criticised and I when the time comes will remind them that only I am this child's mother that I make the decisions about his care and that I am new to this and that I love him and I am doing the best job I can with the skills I have got... that I will learn from my mistakes... I will remind them that they were once new mums too and that I don't need to be undermined but support would be appreciated & just because I do something a bit different from them that it by no means implies I'm wrong.
    There is no harm in telling EVERYONE you want some bonding time with your son and later when you are ready they may visit! Let me know how it feels when the time comes xxx

  • How you feeling now Tiger lily? xx
  • Hi - I'm feeling a bit better about it, it is good at least to know I'm not the only one. I still feel like when he's born though, I will be jealous of everyone else with him...lol it sounds so pathetic!

    Pregnancy for me has been a piece of cake so maybe that's why I am worrying. I only had sickness for a few weeks and tho I am slightly uncomfortable and heavy now, normally I just feel like myself with a bump! xxx
  • Aw chick - don't worry - there's no hard and fast rules and you and your lo will develop your own routine together.

    I'm on my 4th child and my 2nd dd (17years) tells me that I'm still not responsible enough to have children! I do things like forget to feed them and stuff but they keep hanging around, so I guess I'm not too bad!!!! LOL

    Karenxx
    27+1
  • i have 46 days left and im getting stressed about the birth. i have 2 already but im still worrying about it all
  • lily, when I had jack I was determined nobody else was holding him etc, then the day he was born I had near on 8 people round my bed. I saw Jack was happy as and decided to leave them to it and went and had a bath LOL.
    These feelings are natural, but trust me chick, these people might give good cuddles, but you will give him food, straight off making YOU his favourite person.

    I have had 2 as well, and I am all nervous again. I think anyone who has no qualms at all isn't natural, so it is fine honestly.
  • tiger lily it is natural to feel what you are feeling and you will feel it in first few weeks but it will get easier all of a sudden. i was in hospital for few days and really struggled with the nappy thing. staff helped but one night a health assistant made me do a dirty one while she watched and i really struggled i was knackered and in pain after op and v emotional as oh had been sent home.and i cried as i felt so useless.. the crying as well for a first time mum is so hard to know what they want. mine cried all the time and i felt like such a failure. dressing the baby was another nightmare for me my oh was so much better than me as he wasnt so scared. i for one will allways say my oh is brilliant with her but to hear his family say it really pissed me off cus i thought i want to be brilliant with her she is mineafter all!!!! when we got home i was knackered and wanted to get into some sort of routine but the visitors kept coming and coming. at first i loved showing her off but the same family kept coming every day especially at tea time and it was like pass the parcel with daisy. it isnt any wonder i cant get missy to go to sleep on her own now!!! also daisy really struggles with wind and i would watch all these people trying to wind her unsucessfully and not wanting to upset them would let them carry on. i remember one day taking her off my sister in law and saying can mummy have a cuddle now i havnt had one all day!!! it is very hard only yesterday i took her off my mother in law as she was crying in pain and i winded her and she gave a big burp, and for the first time i thought actually i am a good mum and i know what my baby needs. i am the sort of person who worries about everything and i want to do everything right and you just cant do it straight away with ababy. you learn from experience and your mistakes. daisy is 4 weeks old now and life is much easier. i am more chilled as the tasks like feeding nappy changingdressing bathing etc are so much easier. the more you do something the easier it gets. i will have to go through it all again in two weeks when i can drive as at the moment oh does the pram thing and the car seat thing really easy as for me i find it more difficult but i know that after few trips out on my own it will become second nature. i am letting you know this now so if or when it does happen you will know that it happens to most people and it definitely does get easier. A friend came round the other day and said she could change nappies on her lap with one hand when her daughter was a baby . i just said smiled and said wow but inside i was thinking fuck off ill give you daisy then and hopefully she will piss over you!!!!!!!!!

    it must be love i loved your post becouse everything you said is so true in fact you made me cryx
  • West Brom I have love that you have come back to the pregnancy formum (sp ment to say forum but must be a a subconsious slip lol) and told us all about how you are finding it so far I am getting great comfort in ready each and everyone of your posts! My lovely Boyfriend has told me this site is doing me the world of good - because I am a natrual worrier and its a place where I can come and share my fears and not be judged because the people here often feel the same fears and have the same anxties! lol sorry I made you cry but i'm sure it was in a good! way - I just wanted to Thank you for reminding me to enjoy what I have RIGHT NOW because you only get to do it once even if I have another child that pregnancy will be a completely diffrent one! xx
  • "A friend came round the other day and said she could change nappies on her lap with one hand when her daughter was a baby . i just said smiled and said wow but inside i was thinking fuck off ill give you daisy then and hopefully she will piss over you!!!!!!!!!"

    He he - naughty but very funny West Brom!

    Kx
    27+1
  • I know how you feel tiger lily. I have said to hubby that I don't want people round the house the second I'm home (mainly his mum lol she has already informed me I won't be a good mum). I am worried about not knowing what to do but hubby reasures me it will come naturally! I cope with 28 5 year olds each day and I manage so he has faith in me - but a baby is so different I keep saying! Anyway, I'm sure once you get home and settled that all will fall into place. I am worried about having to share bump with anyone (it's mine and hubby's!!!!!) but then I hate sharing my class with anyone. I must be the only teacher who hates going out on courses because leaving my class with another teacher makes me sad! LOL! Anyway please don't worry, we will all be here for you. I will be asking you for advice come July!!!
    xxxxxx
  • I am so glad you started this thread Tigerlily, I know exactly how you feel and I am also quite scared about how I will cope. Luckily I am the first in my generation in my family to have kids so I don't really have anyone who will be judging me on how I do. But I am slightly worried about what my mum will think, I have so much respect for her and I don't want her to look at me and think 'Why is she holding the baby like that, can't she see he doesn't like it' or something similar. I am just trusting that as people have said, it will come naturally and will just get easier and easier with more practice.

    Westbrom- your comments are so reassuring, it sounds like you are doing a fantastic job.
    Jellyfishpink- You are not the only teacher that feels like that, my class drive me up the wall sometimes (often!) but at the end of the day they are my class and no matter how good another teacher is they never do things in quite the same way.
  • ah bless you all you will all make fantastic mums becouse you like me just want to get it right. Dont know if im just lucky but my mumand my mother in law are not judgemental at all they just say its my baby you do what you think is best. I get stressed overcuddling my baby to sleep as thebookstell you not too and some friends reckon im making a rod for my own back. My mum just says she is your baby you do what you want. My mum needs advice from me any way as she cant do a disposable nappy!!!!!!!! The only thing i found with the older generation is you have to point out the cot death guidelines. i appreciate all advice and takewhat seems the best solution at the time. but when they tell you put baby to sleep on front etc and the amount of blankets etc you just have to tell them why you choose not to do it. I think its a hormonal thing and becouse you really have fed and nurtured the baby exclusively for alllthat time. Ive been on my own today and texted a few friends as i was bit bored on my own so you do go past the no visitor stage too!!!! xx
  • Poz - pleased someone else feels the same about their class! Hate the thought of someone else having them while I'm on maternity! Lol.
    xxx
  • Good thread!
  • Thank you so much everyone for responding! Westbrom I am sure you're doing a great job and don't need advice from anyone. As my gran says you can't spoil a baby by cuddling cos that's what they need!

    Jellyfishpink, I am the same, I like to think I'm good with children and toddlers but babies are a whole different ball game arent they! They can't tell you what they want for one! lol xxx
  • Please don't worry...it honestly does come naturally - I didn't think it would, and it took a little while but hubby and I always know now when our lo needs something and as for the nappies..you'll get plenty of practice and its not that bad..you just need quick reflexes with a little boy otherwise you'll get peed on!! Hubby had never changed a nappy in his life but he had to do our lo's first nappy changes cause I felt too rough and he did just fine.

    As for visitors..if you don't want visitors start laying down the law now about when people can come and for how long... I said right from early pregnancy that I didn't want visitors for a week, it took ages to get that through to parents ..although that didn't stop them staying a lot longer than they were supposed to when visiting (my parents turned up early and the inlaws stayed half an hour past visiting hours... when I was meant to be resting!!). If you are in hospital you can ask them not to let any visitors in to you if you want. I am glad i kept people away - I tried to only have one visitor a day and not every day..the day 3 lots of people turned up was a nightmare!! I used the excuse of wanting to get lo settled in a routine as a reason to keep people away... but I really needed the time in peace with hubby and lo to rest and get used to our boy without interuptions.

    I totally understand what you mean about other people holding lo - my inlaws were up this weekend and I was twitching every time MIL was slobbering kisses all over my poor lo... and I was close to thumping my mother when I went round and she grabbed lo in his car seat and ran off into the house with him! LO is 12 weeks old and I won't let parents have him.. my mum is desperate to get her hands on him wihtout me there but its not happening! MIL had the pushchair when we were out and about and I don't think she was impressed with me following her around but I wasn't letting her wander off with my boy! Its totally natural to want to keep your lo to yourself... maybe one day I'll stop twitching when my mother tries to grab lo before he's even out of his pram but I doubt it!

    Remember you and your oh will be the ones that will be around all the time, you will be feeding, bathing, changing etc..even if there are other people around taking your lo, you two will still be the ones that lo will prefer because you are there always... and you will get to know your lo best and what is best for them..it may take a little time but you will. Maybe you can make sure that you and oh do certain things with lo that noone else gets involved in so thats your special time - hubby does this with bathtime... he's awfully protective of his bathtime with lo.

    I get fed up of my mother and mil not believing me when I want my boy back cause he needs his nappy changing..they don't think I know best but I do! You really will get to be the same and you will fi gure out lo's signals for whats wrong.. why they are crying or fussing.

    My hubby was really worried he wouldn't be a good dad and know what to do with lo..pretty much the same kind of worries you have and he is fantastic with lo...he really is - he has such a great bond with lo...

    Sorry this has rambled a bit..I'm kinda sleepy - hope it makes sense!!
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