Don't worry Calleigh I know you weren't trying to tell me what to do!
Huni - how unbelievably rude of your mw cousin - as a mw surely she should know how vulnerable pregnant ladies can be, and how damaging a silly comment like that can be! As for your gran (or is it your oh's gran?) what a dreadful thing to say. She should be ashamed of herself.
I have never EVER forced my opinions on any of my pregnant friends or relatives - everyone needs to make their own choices as far as I am concerned. Now that I am going through pregnancy myself I am even more determined not to fall into the trap of thinking that my way is the best and only way.
no i am not turning it in to an argument merely stating that everyones situation is different so advice can be given but is never a hard and fast rule he has only ever had his dummy for sleeping his teeth are perfectly straight and his speech is perfect but straight away i can tell youre forcing your opinion like the OP said as you stated that im not going to turn this in to an arguement as to why i didnt get rid of it at 1...which is obviously your opinion. If you get what i mean Many people have comforters people still have cuddly blankets in there 20s.......whatever my child has im not just going to take away just because other people judge me he has been a terrible sleeper from the word go and that was our only lifeline. He still wakes up through the night and has only just started sleeping in his bed all through the night. When he is accustomed to his bed i will then work on the dummy What my original message was to say was that its not just non-pregnant people that thinkthey know everything.
Lelly - My lo is younger than yours (27 months) and still has a dummy. When he had his 2 year check the HV asked if he had a dummy and I said yes but we do our best to restrict it to bedtime/nap time. She was very nice and said as long as they only have it for bed and it's not in their mouth all day long it is fine. She also said that 2 years old is still young to be geting rid of the dummy...This really surprised me as I thought that she would lecture me and say "dummies MUST be gone by 12 months". I hate seeing 3/4 yr olds with dummies in their mouth in the day but if it's only for bed time then no one will even know your lo has a dummy. I never had dummies, bottles or comforters at all. I was FF but mum weaned me onto cups by 1 year and my gran didnt approve of dummies so mum never gave me one. However my step brother had this manky old brown hand towel as a comforter and he had this till he was at least 8 lol
I have a totally lovely Mum who means well but....
Rather than offer an opinion on a baby product, she has now taken to getting in there first and buying things!! :x Especially if she knows I'm already getting a certain brand. Her intentions are good, she things that she is saving us money by getting the ASDA steriliser which is half the price of the Tommy Tippe one I wanted. She doesn't realise that I need that one as it is compatible with the breast pump and bottles that I already bought etc. It's driving me mad!!!
Last night she phoned to say she's bough me a baby bath set! I don't want one!! We live in a tiny house and I want as few products as I can possibly get away with as there is no room to store anything. I bathed the last two in the sink or the main bath. It's just going to end up in the garage or on eBay!! Cots, highchairs, prams... they all need to be fold away - Grrrr! I now I feel guilty for being so mean!
On the subject of dummies: My eldest was addicted, she LOVED her dummy more than anything, she was 4!!! before I finally got rid of them all! She put them on the Christmas tree for Santa, he left a special present as she was now a 'big girl' but then she declared how he had forgotten one (that she'd hid under her pillow) so she could have a dummy and the present!! She did have slightly forward baby teeth, but she is now 13 with the most perfect adult teeth on the planet!! My second DD didn't use one at all, just kept spitting it out? So anyway just chill out about it all and if you want to use one, do - it's not going to be the end of the world
Crikey i've had this too and i'm only 8+3. I told my mom at 6 weeks and she won't stop!
I've said i want as natural birth as possible as i don't like the idea of not feeling my body but i'm well aware, as a first timer, that it might be so painful i need everything going! But my mom seems to think i'm going to die or something!
Then she said, in response to that feeling as you push baby out... they could have placed a monkey on her chest after she gave birth, she weren't bothered as long as labour was over. That's nice mom thanks!
Then when i said i was attempting to breastfeed she said gosh you'll never get out the house and your boobs will be dead. I'm just like SHUT UP!
I've never been a mom before, i plan on trying everything as natural as possible, if it turns out that labour hurts too much, i'll have pain relief, if breastfeeding doesn't work out then i'll bottle feed but jeez give me a break!
This is my third and no one really seems that interested! We had our scan yesterday, reminded MIL on Sunday evening and she's not even bothered to ask how it went, but called me today to ask directions to somewhere so has obviously forgot. inlaws seem more concerned with SIL's little girl and how fantastic she is and my parents more interested in bringing up my sisters children for her and I never get to see them without her kids tagging along (i love my nieces to bits, but honestly would like time with my parents when they aren't babysitting)!
Youngmummy88 - I wish we COULD move! we could all move to an estate like in Stepford Wives where MILs are BANNED forever, all our Men would be up the clubhouse discussing names for our Minnies and where on 5th Nov for Guy Fawkes we make our own Guys in the form of our MILS and chuck em' on the bonfire lol!!! (we may not be able to afford a drawbridge or the Wisteria Lane kind of setup just yet, but an intercom with a camera is definately on my Christmas list this year!) least then I can not only screen the phonecalls - the doorbell too! lol
Fairythaila -
My goodness, you seem to be keeping your cool that your Mum is going out and taking all your glory away by doing your baby shopping! she may 'mean well' but it sounds as though she's 'living the new mummy dream' over again and shopping for her own baby and forgetting its YOURS!
If she wants to 'help' YOU so much then why cant she take you shopping and let your choose and then contribute her bit she wants at the till?! or even give you vouchers and let you and your partner go choose stuff? and obviously she likes a bargain so you just make up the rest of the cost yourselves? Its only a suggetion though so I dont want to offend!
I had this - and I actually told my Mum (and anyone else for that matter) that this was MY moment, My baby and that I would be shopping for my own things. My Mum went and got her own Mothercare book and others and would always sit looking through them planning what he'd buy and If I metioned i wanted a certain thing she'd go look it up and then tell me her thoughts! and if it met her approval, i felt like I had to justify everything! My parents helped out and offered to buy our Pram, my Mum kept on about how I didn't let her decide where I shopped and bought the last one from (as we went off and bought it ourselves!) so this time she made it quite clear SHE WAS PAYING (I took that to mean = I'M CHOOSING!!) my husband and I spent a few months researching what we thought would be ideal but would cost ??800 all in so went and found one 2nd hand on Ebay then phoned and told her that we were going to collect it and that if she still wanted to help out we could come collect the money - she was so gutted I could tell but that was the we wanted! and it was only ??250! and I think she wanted to have the joy of ordering new at a pram shop and spending the earth! It was a mistake I will never make again! she thought she owned it! constantly snatched it off me and pushed, it ended up being a load of rubbih and not working right sometimes and all she did was MOAN to me and blame me and tell me that I should have let her choose!
What Mums and MILS need to realise its up to us to make our own mistakes.
I had waited 8 years for my baby and when I found out it was a girl - I wanted all those special little pink things, dresses, toys etc in my own shopping basket! its PART of the FUN for goodness sake!
Pregnancy has such low dull and dam right painful moments that I think we DESERVE to enjoy CHOOSING and SHOPPING for our own daughters and Sons!!!!!!
I dont think its mean at all to tell your Mum, 'thanks so much for thinking of the baby, but enoughs enough now Mum I have chosen what I want to get myself, so please stop stocking up on things as I still want the branded stuff, can you not just let me choose my own things for MY baby please? I'd still love you to come with me" (that last bit might soften the blow!)
My Mum had me, so she already her fun shopping for a baby girl, also my MIL has a daughter so she had her fill as well! NOW its MY TURN! Yes it may have hurt their feelings but they didn't spare a thought for MINE did they! so tuff titty! I had a power struggle with my own Mother only a few months after my baby was born - these thing have a nasty habit of coming to a head if you dont nip them in the bud at the time - as now I dont speak to my Mum at all! we have nothing in common and she just rubs me up the wrong way now. It a shame our relationship ha totally broken down - and I hate to see it happen to anyone else!
Lady2188 - Good on you for knowing what you want! Mum's are funny aren't they! I think they still see us as 7 year olds trying on their makeup and high heels and singing "cinderella dressed in yeller, la la la-la" they cant imagine us as Mothers!
I'm 34 and Mum was still trying to tell me what to do, when my baby needed feeding or changing and saying things like "aw do you want to come and live with Nanny? I'll look after you, what are they doing to you round there" in a jokey way like my baby would rather live there? I don't frigging think so! bunch of fag-ash lils that they are! taking over pushing MY pram all the time showing off like my baby was hers! no thanks! I didn't go through 10 months of pregnancy for her to take over lol!!!!
I warned her about how I felt when I was pregnant, and how we used to sit and talk about things over a cup of tea and I'd tell her how worried I was that my MIL would interefer too much - and she agreed and said bad things about my MIL...................... only to TURN INTO A NIGHTMARE HERSELF!!!
My only advice is to say how you feel at the time and dont let things fester! xx
I've said i want as natural birth as possible as i don't like the idea of not feeling my body but i'm well aware, as a first timer, that it might be so painful i need everything going! But my mom seems to think i'm going to die or something!
Then when i said i was attempting to breastfeed she said gosh you'll never get out the house and your boobs will be dead. I'm just like SHUT UP! xx
dont tell people this. they will love to say you'll fail. honestly, my sil was disappointed when she was told i had a homebirth with very little pain relief (had gas and air for a bit, then threw it away as it was distracting me and doing nothing. the pool was enough). she'd had a section after saying she was going to die! she didnt need one. the drs tried to talk her out of it. my bro said she just refused to listen to anyone. i would say go to nct classes and research natural ways to deal with labour. get on a birth ball to get baby in the correct position and stay upright as much as possible in the later stages of pregnancy. lazing around puts baby in a bad position. i had a homebirth had the belef that if i was at home id have to just get on with it. if the epidural is not an option you dont think about it. women give birth everyday.
breastfeeding is difficult at first. if you seriously want to breastfeed read everything you can. expect it to be painful at first (the let down reflex is painful at first, the boobs are painful at first). and keep going. if it hurts too much get nipple shields / paracetamol / cabbage leaves / heat and cool breast pads etc. phone the mws to come out to you if you are really struggling, or for advice over the phone. we did frequently in the first couple of days! dont just give up without trying everything for 2 weeks. honestly, it gets so much easier and is the best thing for baby. dont let people put you off.
I agree with Calleigh on the birthing front. Thing is with me - I am more frightened of the interventions than I am of the pain, so I have been investigating active birth techniques, which have been so empowering, so I would say, don't go in there thinking it will all be horrendous, go in with a positive frame of mind, and keep your options open!
Replies
Huni - how unbelievably rude of your mw cousin - as a mw surely she should know how vulnerable pregnant ladies can be, and how damaging a silly comment like that can be! As for your gran (or is it your oh's gran?) what a dreadful thing to say. She should be ashamed of herself.
I have never EVER forced my opinions on any of my pregnant friends or relatives - everyone needs to make their own choices as far as I am concerned. Now that I am going through pregnancy myself I am even more determined not to fall into the trap of thinking that my way is the best and only way.
Many people have comforters people still have cuddly blankets in there 20s.......whatever my child has im not just going to take away just because other people judge me he has been a terrible sleeper from the word go and that was our only lifeline. He still wakes up through the night and has only just started sleeping in his bed all through the night. When he is accustomed to his bed i will then work on the dummy
What my original message was to say was that its not just non-pregnant people that thinkthey know everything.
lelly
Rather than offer an opinion on a baby product, she has now taken to getting in there first and buying things!! :x Especially if she knows I'm already getting a certain brand. Her intentions are good, she things that she is saving us money by getting the ASDA steriliser which is half the price of the Tommy Tippe one I wanted. She doesn't realise that I need that one as it is compatible with the breast pump and bottles that I already bought etc. It's driving me mad!!!
Last night she phoned to say she's bough me a baby bath set! I don't want one!! We live in a tiny house and I want as few products as I can possibly get away with as there is no room to store anything. I bathed the last two in the sink or the main bath. It's just going to end up in the garage or on eBay!! Cots, highchairs, prams... they all need to be fold away - Grrrr! I now I feel guilty for being so mean!
On the subject of dummies: My eldest was addicted, she LOVED her dummy more than anything, she was 4!!! before I finally got rid of them all! She put them on the Christmas tree for Santa, he left a special present as she was now a 'big girl' but then she declared how he had forgotten one (that she'd hid under her pillow) so she could have a dummy and the present!!
I've said i want as natural birth as possible as i don't like the idea of not feeling my body but i'm well aware, as a first timer, that it might be so painful i need everything going! But my mom seems to think i'm going to die or something!
Then she said, in response to that feeling as you push baby out... they could have placed a monkey on her chest after she gave birth, she weren't bothered as long as labour was over. That's nice mom thanks!
Then when i said i was attempting to breastfeed she said gosh you'll never get out the house and your boobs will be dead. I'm just like SHUT UP!
I've never been a mom before, i plan on trying everything as natural as possible, if it turns out that labour hurts too much, i'll have pain relief, if breastfeeding doesn't work out then i'll bottle feed but jeez give me a break!
xx
This is my third and no one really seems that interested! We had our scan yesterday, reminded MIL on Sunday evening and she's not even bothered to ask how it went, but called me today to ask directions to somewhere so has obviously forgot. inlaws seem more concerned with SIL's little girl and how fantastic she is and my parents more interested in bringing up my sisters children for her and I never get to see them without her kids tagging along (i love my nieces to bits, but honestly would like time with my parents when they aren't babysitting)!
Youngmummy88 -
I wish we COULD move! we could all move to an estate like in Stepford Wives where MILs are BANNED forever, all our Men would be up the clubhouse discussing names for our Minnies and where on 5th Nov for Guy Fawkes we make our own Guys in the form of our MILS and chuck em' on the bonfire lol!!! (we may not be able to afford a drawbridge or the Wisteria Lane kind of setup just yet, but an intercom with a camera is definately on my Christmas list this year!) least then I can not only screen the phonecalls - the doorbell too! lol
Fairythaila -
My goodness, you seem to be keeping your cool that your Mum is going out and taking all your glory away by doing your baby shopping! she may 'mean well' but it sounds as though she's 'living the new mummy dream' over again and shopping for her own baby and forgetting its YOURS!
If she wants to 'help' YOU so much then why cant she take you shopping and let your choose and then contribute her bit she wants at the till?! or even give you vouchers and let you and your partner go choose stuff? and obviously she likes a bargain so you just make up the rest of the cost yourselves? Its only a suggetion though so I dont want to offend!
I had this - and I actually told my Mum (and anyone else for that matter) that this was MY moment, My baby and that I would be shopping for my own things. My Mum went and got her own Mothercare book and others and would always sit looking through them planning what he'd buy and If I metioned i wanted a certain thing she'd go look it up and then tell me her thoughts! and if it met her approval, i felt like I had to justify everything!
My parents helped out and offered to buy our Pram, my Mum kept on about how I didn't let her decide where I shopped and bought the last one from (as we went off and bought it ourselves!) so this time she made it quite clear SHE WAS PAYING (I took that to mean = I'M CHOOSING!!) my husband and I spent a few months researching what we thought would be ideal but would cost ??800 all in so went and found one 2nd hand on Ebay then phoned and told her that we were going to collect it and that if she still wanted to help out we could come collect the money - she was so gutted I could tell but that was the we wanted! and it was only ??250! and I think she wanted to have the joy of ordering new at a pram shop and spending the earth! It was a mistake I will never make again! she thought she owned it! constantly snatched it off me and pushed, it ended up being a load of rubbih and not working right sometimes and all she did was MOAN to me and blame me and tell me that I should have let her choose!
What Mums and MILS need to realise its up to us to make our own mistakes.
I had waited 8 years for my baby and when I found out it was a girl - I wanted all those special little pink things, dresses, toys etc in my own shopping basket! its PART of the FUN for goodness sake!
Pregnancy has such low dull and dam right painful moments that I think we DESERVE to enjoy CHOOSING and SHOPPING for our own daughters and Sons!!!!!!
I dont think its mean at all to tell your Mum, 'thanks so much for thinking of the baby, but enoughs enough now Mum I have chosen what I want to get myself, so please stop stocking up on things as I still want the branded stuff, can you not just let me choose my own things for MY baby please? I'd still love you to come with me" (that last bit might soften the blow!)
My Mum had me, so she already her fun shopping for a baby girl, also my MIL has a daughter so she had her fill as well! NOW its MY TURN!
Yes it may have hurt their feelings but they didn't spare a thought for MINE did they! so tuff titty! I had a power struggle with my own Mother only a few months after my baby was born - these thing have a nasty habit of coming to a head if you dont nip them in the bud at the time - as now I dont speak to my Mum at all! we have nothing in common and she just rubs me up the wrong way now. It a shame our relationship ha totally broken down - and I hate to see it happen to anyone else!
Lady2188 -
Good on you for knowing what you want! Mum's are funny aren't they! I think they still see us as 7 year olds trying on their makeup and high heels and singing "cinderella dressed in yeller, la la la-la" they cant imagine us as Mothers!
I'm 34 and Mum was still trying to tell me what to do, when my baby needed feeding or changing and saying things like "aw do you want to come and live with Nanny? I'll look after you, what are they doing to you round there" in a jokey way like my baby would rather live there? I don't frigging think so! bunch of fag-ash lils that they are! taking over pushing MY pram all the time showing off like my baby was hers! no thanks! I didn't go through 10 months of pregnancy for her to take over lol!!!!
I warned her about how I felt when I was pregnant, and how we used to sit and talk about things over a cup of tea and I'd tell her how worried I was that my MIL would interefer too much - and she agreed and said bad things about my MIL...................... only to TURN INTO A NIGHTMARE HERSELF!!!
My only advice is to say how you feel at the time and dont let things fester!
xx
Then when i said i was attempting to breastfeed she said gosh you'll never get out the house and your boobs will be dead. I'm just like SHUT UP!
xx
dont tell people this. they will love to say you'll fail. honestly, my sil was disappointed when she was told i had a homebirth with very little pain relief (had gas and air for a bit, then threw it away as it was distracting me and doing nothing. the pool was enough). she'd had a section after saying she was going to die! she didnt need one. the drs tried to talk her out of it. my bro said she just refused to listen to anyone. i would say go to nct classes and research natural ways to deal with labour. get on a birth ball to get baby in the correct position and stay upright as much as possible in the later stages of pregnancy. lazing around puts baby in a bad position. i had a homebirth had the belef that if i was at home id have to just get on with it. if the epidural is not an option you dont think about it. women give birth everyday.
breastfeeding is difficult at first. if you seriously want to breastfeed read everything you can. expect it to be painful at first (the let down reflex is painful at first, the boobs are painful at first). and keep going. if it hurts too much get nipple shields / paracetamol / cabbage leaves / heat and cool breast pads etc. phone the mws to come out to you if you are really struggling, or for advice over the phone. we did frequently in the first couple of days! dont just give up without trying everything for 2 weeks. honestly, it gets so much easier and is the best thing for baby. dont let people put you off.