Pros and cons of finding out the baby's sex!

I go for my 20 week scan (will be almost 22 weeks tho!) next Monday and after saying we didn't want to know the sex we are now wondering if we shouls! Mainly because we just can't decide on anything for the baby at all (including names, poor thing will be baby for weeks after it is born at this rate). What made you decided to find out/not find out the sex?



  • Hiya,
    We had our 20 week scan a couple of weeks ago and we decided not to find out the sex cos we really wanted it to b a surprise til lo is born.
    I can see why people do find out cos it makes plannin a bit easier i spose especially if u already have a child (what to keep etc), but to us it made no difference cos stuff we r gettin is all neutral ne way. With names we're jst goin to have a boys name and a girls name for when it is born. It's a personal choice tho
  • Hi were finding out a our scan in a few weeks. We both too impatient to wait untill the birth and I dont really like suprises. So it makes sense for us. My only advise would be its got to be a decision your both 100% happy with. good luck deciding X
  • hi babe i had same prob as you, but i guess the pros and cons all even out really.

    Pro: It makes plannin alot easier and its a surprise when they tell you, it makes you have a silly smile for days after.
    Con: It takes away a little of the surprise at the end.

    BUT if you think about it, imagine the surprise your gonna have when you see your little ones face that first time anyway, so why not spread the surprise a little?

    obviously you can tell from my post that im all for finding out, but there are lots of people that dont want to, and there reasons are right too. im just too impatient and like you said at this rate my LO gonna be nameless for weeks too.

    sarah 20weeks xxx
    p.s i got my scan on 4th march to fnd out. xxx
  • Thanks so far for the replied! Will have chat with hubby when he gets in from work!
  • Opps meant to type replies not 'replied'! Baby brain again!
  • Hey

    I couldn't wait to find out what we were having!!!! I found out at 20wk scan and then had a 4d scan to make sure!! I am so glad I found out, it's helped me bond with her, sort of feel like I know her aleady! Also I couldn't wait to start buying things, although I said I wanted everything soon as I found out she was a girl I went pink mad!!! I have everything ready for her for when she arrives and I feel so organised. I feel like I can just concentrate on relaxing and preparing for the labour!!!

    Also it eliminated all the arguing about boys names!!!

    It's totally a personal choice tho, there's nothing to say you can't be organised because you don't know the sex!

    You can always have a 4d scan later on if you feel like you just have to know!!

    Hope it goes well for you!

  • i want to know, it's the first time we can have a nursery ready. I already have one f each, so i don't mind which it is, plus, again I aven't found any boys names I like so i can either stop think of them or have to really put my mind to it, i will hopefully find out on the 9th April, only 6 weeks away.

    The only thing is, they ca't always be 100% on girls, boys are easy to tell, but my niece had a rother large clitorous (sp?) and they thought she was a oy at her 20 week scan, it was only coz they needed another later scan they were able to tell.
  • We are going to have a 4d scan later so we could always put off finding out if we haven't decided by next week. Lol!

  • I found out as i wanted to know if i should buy and decorate in pink or blue and when i found out i went and brought an outfit in the colour! I also found it helped me bound with my "bump" by calling it he instead of it or blip then progressed to calling him his now used name!

  • I'm all for finding out - couldn't really see myself waiting till the birth. It's still a surprise - just an earlier one then it would be. It helps with planning and it's great for bonding...I know my oh would have been especially gutted if I had chose not to find out.

    Bear in mind they will not be able to tell you 100%, by the way. We were told 'Maybe a boy' at our 20 week scan, and I then had the big dilemma of wondering whether to call him 'it' or 'he', whether to tell people, whether to buy blue, etc. We decided to accept that it was a boy and get excited instead of assuming they got it wrong, and luckily when I had my 4d scan, they were right! Definitely a boy. xxxx
  • i didn't find out the sex of my baby and was really glad i didn't. i wanted everything neutral anyway so could be used again and it was a lovely surprise. everybody thought i was having a boy (myself included) but i had a girl so it was a lovely shock. for days i was saying i can't believe its a girl! when eventually have number 2 i wouldn't find out again as like a surprise x
  • With my first baby we decided to find out as we were just so impatient! I was glad to know as we could focus on boys names only, decorate his room and I could buy blue stuff which was all much nicer than the neutral stuff. I don't know whether it helped with bonding or not as I already felt amazingly close to my 'little bean'! After the scan he became my 'little man'! I've just found out I'm expecting my second baby (still very early days tho) and we've already said that we might keep it a surprise this time. It doesn't really matter what we get as we will be over the moon either way. Although having a boy already it would be the icing on the cake to have a little girl!

    [Modified by: reester on February 24, 2008 09:53 PM]

  • Hi all
    We've decided not to find out! At the beginning my DH wanted to know, but obviously one can't know without the other! However, he's now very happy that he agreed with me & we're v excited to find out on the "big day"!
    We've been calling our baby Bubble so not had to use "it"!
    Sarah xx
  • I'm so glad i didnt find out the sex of our little one, again i bought eveything neutral you get so many clothes etc once they're born anyway!

    When i was in labour the midwife asked what names we had chosen, and it was so lovely when she passed her to me just after she was born and said 'There's your little Ruby' image

    Good luck with whatever you decide
  • I always really wanted to know but my husband didn't. So I resigned myself to waiting because I could see the positives in that too. Then we had our 20 week scan but they don't tell us the sex here. But suddenly he wanted to know! He said he wanted to get to know our baby better as soon as possible... Bless his heart...

    So we found out through a private scan that we are having a boy and I feel it was the right thing for us to do. I've heard about it helping with bonding but I don't think it's made much difference (bonding happening already!) but I feel more prepared and it was still a lovely surprise, just a bit earlier! I was worried they may get it wrong but apparently between 22 and 32 weeks it's 97% accurate with a 2d scan. And there was no doubt that we're having a boy!

    I like that I can look at the boys things and visualise what we can buy. I think it can give you more choice too rather than being restricted to neutrals (which we will still be buying, along with blue stuff). And I'm struggling with boys names - we had picked out a name but it's all changed now and keeps on changing. We need the time to get it right!

    It's a totally personal choice. It's okay to listen to our experiences to help you decide but make up your own mind based on whatever feels right for you. And that will be the right choice.

    Good luck! Sonia x
  • Hi, with my first and second hospital policy was "we dont tell the sex". So I had a private scan with my second (not available in my area with first) and found out he was a boy. With my third,hospital policy had changed, but I just wanted to wait and see! (girl btw). I bonded with my third bump just as strongly even tho I didnt know the sex, and knowing I was having a boy didnt take any of the magic away with my second sons birth. It really is down to personal choice. What goes in this pg may not necessarily apply in any future ones! good luck whatever you decide xx
  • I found out last week that my bump was another girl(already have 1 boy and 2 girls).Am glad I did as was convinced it was a boy! My son took the news badly(he wanted a brother!) and threw a major hissy fit for a couple of hours(hes 9).At least hes over it now and I'm glad it was now and I don't have to deal with it having just given birth! I'm sure he'll love his new sister when she arrives he was just dissapointed.xx
  • I am so glad that I didn't find out what I was having. It didn't make a difference to me as it was my first. My husband has a son already but again didn't care what we had. He also didn't want to find out. All my in-laws thought it was a boy as there was all boys in his family and only 1 girl. It was a great surprise and shock for everyone when I had a girl. My husband was really shocked as he had convinced himself it was another boy although deep down I had a feeling it was a girl.

    I think it spoils the surprise if you find out but everyone has their own reasons for finding out. I think do what you and your OH want to do.

    Good luck
  • I agree with Skida. I dont think it ruins the surprise either as you are still going to be really surprised / happy etc when your baby arrives safely.

    We found out at my 20 week scan that we are having a girl (our first baby) and it was such a lovely surprise when we found out and like someone else said on another post, it puts a smile on your face for the rest of the day.

    Plus i know there is a small chance they can get it wrong at the scan so i havent gone too mad on the pink clothes apart from a few items which werent expensive (got lots of bargains at a recent NCT sale!) and everything else weve bought is neutral so i really dont mind if she pops out and she turns out to be a boy!! A healthy happy baby is all i wish for..


    30 weeks xx
  • I don't thing it spoils the suprise, it just moves it!! We found out last time although they only said they thought it was a girl, they weren't sure. This time there was absoultely no doubt at all that it is a boy and it is really nice to be able to sort out for definate all of Millie old things.
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