Not very supposrtive?

Hey girls,
Does ne1 feel that there partner doesnt do enough to support them during pregnancy?
I seem to buy all the baby things we will need, wen i ask him to take me 2 mothercare he says,"wot u need to go there for now " He gets fed up looking around wen im in my eliment getting all excited. When the baby is having strong movements i ask him if he wants to feel and he does put his hand on my tummy but seems very uninterested, n drifts off into watching the tv. If i have pains and tell him, he says u must of had them before tho. Is this natural?am i worrying to much? opinions would be appreciated, thanku xx


  • omg, my hubby is exactly the same!!! Nagged and nagged me about having a baby and then has seemed totally bored by the whole pg thing! Like yours becciboo, he will place a hand on my bump when i tell him lo is really wriggly but simply says "oh yeah" and then changes the subject. I have 6 weeks to go and i have only just got him this weekend to start the nursery and that was only cos my dad took me paint shopping. He has no idea about labour etc and hasn't bothered to find out anything, and changes the subject whenever i mention the baby or birth - i have given him an ultimatum, either he get interested and informed in the next 2 weeks or i'm having my mum as my birth partner! I still do everything round the house - cooking, cleaning, hoovering and looking after our 5 yr old. Some nights i have strong braxton hicks (which mw tells me is a sign of overdoing things) and he goes "wake me up if you want me to drive you to the hopsital" and then rolls over! I have no hospital bag ready, no nursery ready and no idea whether my hubby is going to be anyuse at all when i am in labour and after lo arrives and tbh am terrified!!!
    I spoke to hubby (several times) about how he needs to support more, be more interested and get ready for the birth that i really need him to be involved and loving and he always nods and says "sorry i will try harder" and then never does.
    GGGGRRRRR to men!!!!!
    Claudia 34+2
  • Awww hun, think we have it bad dont we.
    We need to be strong and if they dont wana be involved then thats there look out innit, theyl be missing out not us. Do u think its coz we r the ones carrying and therfore they find it difficult to interact?xx
  • yeah reckon u r right, think my hubby found it all quite boring at the start, before he could feel movements and see the bump. he has got slightly better but never thinks of helping out - his excuse is that it just occur to him and that if i want something, i should just ask. true but it would be nice for him to volunteer, esp when he sits there watching me huff and puff my way off the sofa or up the stairs!!! I'm not sure he will survive my labour if he carries on - i reserve the right to inflict serious pain upon him if he has me carrying my own bag and making my own sandwiches!!! bizaarely however he can spend many hours gazing lovingly at our cat and actually calls me upstairs so i can see how sweet he looks sleepin on our bed. wander if he might be more enthused if i was having a kitten?!?!
    Is ur oh going to be your birth partner? been thinking i might invite my mum as well so that if my hubby is rubbish and falls asleep (like he does at any other important point in time) at least i have someonewho understands!
  • Hi my husbands kind if the same, not quite as bad but I still feel alone in all this. This is my second child, our first together and he says he's excited but he just doesnt seem it. When baby is kicking I ask if he wants to feel and he puts his hand there and then insists he cant feel anything, but it makes his hand move so he must be able to feel it! He then just gets frustrated. He's made a start on buying things for the baby, but I'm the one that has to make the list of what we need, he just pays for it. When we're choosing things I try to get him to help but he just says whichever one I want is the one we'll get! I am having my hubby as birth partner, but only if he pulls his socks up and starts taking an interest, if he doesnt I'm going to have my sister. But then saying all of that he does look at baby clothes whichever shop we go in and has chosen a name for a boy, and also says he doesnt want me to breastfeed so he can do the feeds too so he does make some kind of an effort. I wonder if its because that they feel left out because we're having all the "fun" at the moment?
  • i asked my hubby if he feels left out of things and he said no, he just forgets that i'm having a hard time and that i can't do all the things that i used to!!! as if the enormous bump isn't enough of a reminder!!! not to mention the sound of my wheezing up the stairs and shouting out in pain when i'm trying to bend over to pick up his socks/pants/other stuff off the floor!!! however he will carry the cat upstairs cos he's looking a bit too tired to walk up there!
    I would never tell my hubby that he can't be at the birth but i reckon i will have my mum there too if only so she can wake him up for me!
  • lol your alot nicer than me, I'm trying to shock him into bucking his ideas up! what is it with them and leaving underwear, clothes and wet towels on the floor?! I asked him if its that much harder to pick them up when he takes them off and he said he just forgets..who does he think does it all?!
  • my hubby walks in the door, jumpers and t-shirts thrown on sofa, socks on lounge floor, trousers and pants hung on banister (yuk!!!!) and then theres the wet towels etc. then he makes sandwich and drops crumbs all over the kitchen floor, crisp crumbs on sofa, plate left under the sofa. my 5 yr old is way tidier than he is! why do men find it so hard to see the mess they create?
  • I was starting to think that everone else in the world had lovely supportive husbands and that it was just mine that is a lazy bugger and still seems to be in denial that we are actually having a baby.
    I bought him 'A blokes guide to pregnancy' which I read before handing over and i thought it was great. It had a wonderful tone, was funny and covered all the main issues. He's read a few chapters and seems to have retained all the info he thinks he needs :
    1. Stop nagging me. Your hormones are all over the place no wonder you're a moody cow.
    2. Continue do to all things as normal. He seems to think this applies to me and includes all domestic chores and our sex life !
    3. He will be spending loads of money and get no social life etc once baby is born. But instead of spending quality time with me while we still can, this seems to mean going to pub with mates/golf with mates etc at least once each weekend.

    Thank god I'm not the only one having a moan about hubby ! Suz x
  • Nope they're mostly all a pain in the bum suz! I dont know if its just me and I had too higher expectations of him, but I cant help feeling disappointed and let down by his lack of enthusiasm for the pregnancy. While I'm desperate to start buying so we can spread the cost and (also because I'm having a baby so I'm bound to be excited!) he just says oh we've got loads of time and I know we have, but does he really think I'm going to want to be walking around shopping in the summer heavily pregnant!? Plus, I have been officialy diagnosed with SPD this morning and its only going to get worse as I get bigger, so surely we should shop while I'm still mobile enough to enjoy it?
  • Oh ky20h, sorry to hear that x
    And carly - i have 6 weeks to go and my hubby is still saying we have loads of time to buy stuff...what worries me most is that i don't have anything for hospital bag yet. i even dreamt that sean slater from eastenders was at the birth and i had to send him out for nighties and disposable pants!!!
    I also bought my hubby one of those pregnancy books for blokes when we were ttc - the overriding message appears to be that now is the time to go to the pub cos there won't be time/money after baby. not very helpful!
  • I looked for one for my Hubby and they were all along the lines of "get all your socialising and sleeping in now because its going in 9 months" so I didnt get one in the end! That must be so annoying that he still wont buy things, doesnt he realise you could go into labour anytime soon? I'd have made mine go by now, at the risk of being called a nagging cow!
  • my hubby was very similar to this at the beginning until it all came to blows and I said I would rather leave him and be a single parent than have to deal with him anymore.
    After that he seemed to buck his ideas up, he doesn't do a huge amount but he now tidies up after himself and is alot more attentive and spends time each night talking to and stroking my belly, he also makes the effort to ask me what I want to do at the weekend which is a bit of a novelty as it used to be him going to the pub with his brother and me sitting at home like a lemon thinking my life was over. Hes still not perfect but I can see he is trying so don't nag him anymore image
    It's a shame it took a real shock tactic to get him sorted but sometimes that is the only way.

  • god i wish shock tactics worked with mine!!! he bickers with our 5 yr old and i have told him on several occasions that i'd rather be a single mum than have what feels like 2 kids when i need his help! He does disappear up the pub at every opportunity, leaving me at home with our daughter, wondering why he doesn;t want to spend any time with us - like u say, i feel like a right lemon!!! I have spoken to him about all this stuff and he started lying to me about where he was - "i'm stuck in traffic" and then i find out he's in the pub!!! Sometimes he just turns his phone off so i can't get hold of him and tell him to come home. Why are men such big kids?
    Steer clear of those books aimed at men ladies - the one we got actually advises spending as much time as poss in pub due to the fact that pregnancies turns wives into moody cows so best get the beers in and avoid going home. How rude! no wonder we are all stuck with useless men if thats what the standard advice is!!!
  • It sounds to me as if you would be better off without him, he is clearly taking liberties.
    When he goes to the pub do nothing and say nothing don't try and call him and just act like nothing is happening, I know that sounds stupid but I do that with my hubby if he steps out of line lol and he starts asking why I'm not calling him and if I still love him etc. Also if he goes out on a saturday afternoon try and make sure you and lo are out when he gets back as that will throw him right off. If you show them you don't need them sometimes they buck their ideas up.
    Sorry if I sounded like I was preaching then lol don't get me wrong my hubby can still be a right pain in the arse but the only reason I managed to sort him out is because of some fab advice I got from the ladies on here, otherwise I would still be in the same position and probably looking at being a single parent.

  • All men are the same!!!!

    My Partner does not seem bothered with kicks or stuff like that, and also when i have pains etc he thinks am joking.

    I am always very tired and when i try and talk to my partner he goes on that i have more sleep than him.

    When i spoke to him bout when i go into labour he seems to be really supportive and said he will help me in every way when i am in hospital etc so i suppose he is good but he hates me moaning
    (for gods sake men we cant help it when we are pregnant and feeling all tired with pregnancy symptoms)

    Girl power i say.

    Annalisa xx

    28.5 weeks image
  • Caz - believe me i do wonder sometimes what the point of having him around is, feels like he just causes trouble with daughter and then buggers off down the pub!!! It has got marginally better recently, he has new job and work van which means that he has to come straight home after work. but he still sneaks off to the pub whenever he can (sometimes on his own - is that normal?) under the cover of popping to b&q or something! I do usually go out when he disappears but end up at my mums house cos there are not many places to go with 5 yr old!!!
    dn't worry, u don't sound preachy and i would love to hear any tricks that you may have up your sleeve for dealing with these troublesome men!!!
    The latest is that he is nagging to go out sat night clubbing all night (we live nr Maidstone and we got a load of DJ's playing the clubs for that radio 1 weekend thingy) - not a chance!!!
    I wish i could get hold of one of those fake bump thingys and some hormones and then strap hubby up for a few months and force feed him hormones that make him angry one minute, cry the next and happy the next! oh and then he would need to s**t a watermelon. see how bloody happy he is then!!!!!!
  • Claudia - I don't think it is normal at all for your hubby to be sneaking out to go to the pub on his own and lying to you about it, it sounds silly but that is all the signs of an alcoholic (have had a few in mine and hubbys side of the families). Why can't he stay in and have a beer at home with you? then at least you get the chance to spend some time with him, maybe ask him why he needs to go to the pub and why he feels the need to lie to you about it?
    Going clubbing all night is not something you should do as a parent (some might not agree). Going out for the evening is fine but it sounds like he is struggling to grow up and except his responsibilities. Perhaps tell him you are going to go out one night and he can stay in and look after your lo. Do you ever get the chance to go out?
    He chose to make babies with you therefore his life should be affected just as much as yours. My hubby would go to the pub on a sat afternoon and then ask me to pick him up at 10.30pm I would get there to pick him up and end up waiting until 12-1am for him to get his ass out of the pub, I used to go ape shit at him for it but it never seemed to get me anywhere so in the end I just acted like I didn't care and then all of a sudden he changed. I think he thought he was loosing me and so realised what he could have lost.
  • lol have been there - wondering around the streets with my daughter trying to find my v drunk hubby who has taken more than half an hr to walk the 2 mins from the pub and all he would say is "i'm by the white van"!
    I think he does find it hard to accept that it is time to grow up. a lot of his mates are still single and then the ones that are married just do what they want anyway and he doesn't seem to understand that i expect support - as you say, he chose to propose, marry me and then have kids and yet he still seems to get all the fun and none of the reality of it all! it has got better (his lying and going to the pub used to happen once or twice a week, now every 2-3 weeks) but i still feel that he will take any and every opportunity to be shot of us and go out. he doesn't go on his own very often (again used to be all the time) but i have to confess i get suspicious (is he really on his own? or lying about who he's with as well as where hes been?). i sound like a right muppet - i don't roll over and take it, i give him hell and have refused to speak to him for days, made him sleep on sofa, put his dinner in the bin when he's really late home etc. I have tried saying nothing about it but then he goes out more and stays out longer cos he thinks i'm suddenly fine with him doing it as i haven't moaned! now i try not to get angry but calmly explain (like i do with 5 yr old actually!) why i find his behaviour unacceptable, how it impacts other people and that i am very disappointed. he's a bit sheepish then. not sure he will ever not do it - would be nice! don't expect him to sit indoors and watch corrie every night for the rest of his life but i hate that he lies. And in answer to your question, i dn't go out really, mainly cos i have nobody to go out with (i moved away for 3 yrs then came back so lost touch with friends etc, and have worked fulltime since daughter 6 mths old so never got to know other mums) but am hoping that will meet some nice people through this baby when its born.
    sorry for ranting!!! xxxxx
  • Don't say sorry I do understand how you feel.
    Whereabouts are you from? I also don't have any friends (a few family) around here because I also moved away then came back, I'm hoping to meet through mother and baby groups etc cos I don't want to loose adult conversation.
  • i live in chatham in kent. whereabouts are you? i have lots of friends - trouble is they have all moved to london or are in bristol where i used to live!!! I am lucky that i have my family quite close but it does get me down sometimes that a day out involves a cup of coffee at my parents house!!! Am on maternity leave now so should go along to this coffee session for pg women they have down the road but tbh i find that i'm not very brave these days and am convinced that because everyone will have been going for ages, they will all have made friends already. is on tomorrow so i will try my hardest to be brave and go along!
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