Did you have your parents at hospital for support?

Hi Girls

This subject has probably been done loads before..

Basically I know its a really personal choice, but when you start the early stages of labour did you tell your mum or parents/family that it had started, so they come to hospital with you for support??

I have really mixed feelings, my mum is brilliant and is very kind and supportive, but at the same time can be over overpowering and controlling. I want me and hubby to have the labour and birthing expereince together as hubby is my rock, but if mum started dictating to me telling me how to relax, breathe, telling hubby what to do, taking over, I think a few sparks could fly.

At the moment I'm thinking I won't tell anyone except hubby, then after the birth call family to let them know, but I feel like I would like my family involved too, but in a controlled, unstressful situation.. and I'm not sure this is possible with my mum!

Its a tough decision, and I know with the actual birth part only hubby would be there, I'm not sure, and keep changing my mind.. what did you do??

Posts

  • Hiya i just replied to your other thread,all birth realted Qs are you due soon hun?

    I had my DH and Mum as my birth partners when i had DD. I didnt tell anyone i was in labour as i wanted DH/mum to make the calls once she was born.

    Most hospitals/birth centres only allow a max of 2 people with you,so they would have to wait in the corridor for what could be hours and hours,and um Hours LOL

    Once DD was born dh and I had some time just the three of us,and it was a real special time. Magical infact.

    We then had both DH and my family come visit us the next day which i personally prefer.

    Good luck whatever you decide x
  • Hi
    It really IS personal choice. I'm sure some ladies have really needed and enjoyed having their family there and theres nothing wrong with that at all. I sometimes wish I had the sprt of relationship with my own mother that I wouldnt feel embarrased with my bits out, or in agony and stressed etc and also that my mum would back off at the appropriate times! I doubt she would, either that or she'd be permanently in and out having fags! NOT what I want around me thank you very much!

    For me personally, we don't see the inlaws and my own parents have been a complete let down since the birth of my second so we wont be calling anybody up to come keep me company when my labour starts!!! We'll be doing our usual.......... into to hospital when labour starts and probably 4-6 hours later..... home again! for some private time and no pressure from anybody as they wont know! We also have two other children who we want to be the first to see our new baby.

    We'll annouce the birth in our own time over the next one or two days to everyone - and then await the normal rubbish about how we have to host everybody whilst they drink our tea, ak 30 illion questions about my birth and dribble over my baby and pass it around!! lovely. Not.

    A lot of ladies on here have lovely families and inlaws who they probably cant wait to share their news with, but there are also some like me who shudder at the thought of inlaws pacing the corridor waiting for the baby to come, and even poking their heads through the door???? [s-h-u-d-d-e-r-s]
    For me its a very personal time, after all the baby is coming from my private parts! so its for me and my husband only, well and the midwife and consultant and maybe a student or two!! lol, then home to introduce to our two other children!

    Its probably a lot easier on yourself and your partner to tell people AFTER the baby has arrived so you have chance to be alone/try breast feeding/get cleaned up/have a shower/sort out forms/dress your new baby and jut simply enjoy looking at the baby!

    I'm sure you'll figure out whats best for you when the time comes, just dont be pressured into anything - its YOUR birth and things need to run smoothly for you so your needs come first and we need to feel in control of things as much as possible considering what we are going through!
    Good luck!!
    xx

    [Modified by: tutandidamoon on August 16, 2010 07:10 PM]

  • Like the others have said it's a personal decision, but most hospital won't allow more than 2 people in with you anyway, and at my hospital at least it's two 'named' birth partners, as in you have to pick two (when you get there is fine) and stick with them, you can't keep swapping so your mum and dad could take turns for example.

    I wouldn't want my mum there when I was in labour, as close as we are I think she'd struggle to see me in pain and that would make me less relaxed! She's asked to know when I was in labour with both of mine, but just so she knew, not to be there.

    If you really want her there, explain that to hubby - but it's also important that hubby's wishes are considered too - although I think the mother's are more important during labour.
  • I just had dh with me, but everyone knew I was in labour and mum came to see me at home while I was pacing the floor!
    Dh kept everyone updated through the night and finally broke the good news in the early hours when evie was born

    I am glad it was just dh and me, of course I couldn't wait to see mum when they came to visit later that day
    xxx
  • I had my mum and oh as my birthing partners, so yes, practically everyone knew I was in labour, and saw me contracting!
    I couldn't have done it without my mum there though, she didn't interfere at all, and actually really helped when telling me to breath etc, as hubby really wouldn't have had a clue (could I have actually stood looking at him anyway! - he wasn't allowed to touch me, talk to me or even look at me in labour! I'm afraid to say I was a right b!tch!!...both times!) I really think it helped having someone there who had been through it themselves and knew what was going on, oh wouldn't have known it was my waters that went and to press the emergency buzzer as baby was coming NOW, had it not been for my mum telling him! She's been there for the birth of both dd and ds and also at the births of my two nieces (she had to stop Sil from repeatedly hitting my brother round the back of the head-so I don't think I was that bad in comparison, lol!) and she will definatly be there for the birth of this one, however, I know plenty of people who are uncomfortable with having their mums with them, and there's no way I could do it American style with everyone in the room! I think a wait in the waiting room would just be boring and perhaps worrying for them, if it took a long time, time would just drag and they may just worry and be concerned they're not being informed, when it could just actually be nothing to tell them! I'm sure it would be a much nicer surprise to have the phone call saying they've become grandparents!
  • I rang my mum and dad at 4am to tell them I was going to hospital but that was that. They didn't expect to come to the hospital with me. I only wanted hubby. This time I only want hubby too. But my parents will have to come over and look after DD for me so again they'll know I'm in labour. We didn't tell anyone else until DD had been born and that's what we'll again this time. xxx
  • When we first found out I wanted both families to be waiting at the hospital, but now I'm thinking that hubby should just phone them when it's arrived and they can come up then. Both families live in Essex still so it'll take an hour for them to get to the hospital. Only thing that might make me change my mind is hubby being a wimp and fainting as has happened before when I've been in hospital. So scared of labour that I can't stand the thought of being alone
  • i text my mum when my waters broke as they live a good few hours away but other than that no one found out until hubby was kicked out as there was no reception and i didnt want him to leave my side during labour, we felt it was such a special time that it would just be the two of us and the midwife, my best friend was named on my notes incase hubby couldnt manage, we didnt tell the MIL as i didnt want her there and she would have done her best to try get in if she had known,

    our hospital only allow 2 named birthing partners that cannot be changed and no visitors are allowed until you are on the ward
  • i was already in hospital with high bp and was induced, but my mum did pop up every day to bring OH to and from (no car), but she popped in for 5 minutes the evening atfer my waters went and was on the drip with my step dad, but she was literally only allowed for a bit as was out of visitng hours for the ward and ur only allowed two birth partners and no one hanging around corridors in the labour suites, so u may find that ur parents can't come with u anyway. tbh i'm glad of it, as the two mins my mum was there she wasn't at all helpful, just stood looking dumbfounded and a bit teary (because of monitors etc, think she panicked herself) so would've been no good to me. they came up very soon after ds was born though (was 3am when the came up) as oH was told he need to go home by the mws so they ahd to come and collect him, agin she was all a bit mushy and teary and generally annoying me lol. but they only knew at all because of the situation with travel. this time we will only be telling my sister and my neice as they are coming to look after ds, even if i end up with elective c sec this time (had em c sec last time) then we want to keep the date etc schtum, but my sister will only be coming to the hospital to take me and oH up there and then she'll be going straight home to help my neice with ds and then when we're ready for them after the birth she'll bring ds up to us, but oH is going to meet her at the doors while she waits outside for 15minutes so that we can introduce ds to his sister in private, then my sister and neice can come in, then after that we'll let everyone else know as want ds to be the first to meet her xx
  • Hi girls, great advice and stories!! my folks live 5 minutes up the road from me, and my local hospital is virtually next door, but its not a great hospital, not heard any good reviews really so wanted to travel an hour to the brand new maternity unit an hour away!

    I am having my husband and a student midwife as my birthing partners, but definaltey would not want my mum and dad there during actual delivery!!! I just wondeed about the long labour/contractions part, and whether people had there folks there pacing up and down, I understand that obviously there would be restrictions about how many people in the room at once.. at the hospital I'm hoping to get to you get your own room guaranteed.

    I think actually my mum should understand that this is a special time for me and husband with our first little one, my husband is incredible and I know he will be so strong and supportive!! I think I'll just see how it goes. X
  • I know what you mean. I've said I don't want anyone at the hospital apart from my OH. My parents (especially my Dad) can be a bit over powering and I don't want him taking anything away from OH. (Not that he'd be in the delivery room!!). It's OUR baby, not theirs and it'll be a specail time between us. We've said we'll call them to let them know I'm in hospital and update them regularly. Then obviously when the baby's born. We'll obviously let them come to the hospital to see us but it will be on our terms. It might be a bit harsh, but I think I owe that to my OH. I think knowing they're all in the waiting room would stress me out! If I end up having a really long labour (hopefully not) then Mum might need to come up to give OH a break, but I'm hoping that won't happen.

    You hav to do what you and your OH want - not what everyone else wants. xx
  • Hiya, I only want my Hubby with me throughout the process, we chose that together. Although my mum panicked me by saying "oh I'll be there as soon as I know your in labour, Im not patient enough to wait" and I was thinking oh no you wont LOL I will tackle this nearer the time with her. My hubby is amazing and supportive. I doubt my In laws will be there until after the birth although we did call them when I miscarried and I was rushed to hospital as my Hubby needed the support I think. that wasnt too weird but for the birth of this baby i want it to be just me and hubby and then baby image I dread the thought of anyone else seeing me giving birth LOL

    xx
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