i can't cope anymore
I have been crying for five hours straight. I go to bed at 11 after I finally get the kids in bed and settled. I try to tidy up the house and then go to bed. Ihaven't really slept in months to be honest. I work three 12 hour night shifts a week and have two daughter 3, and 1, and am 24 weeks pregnant. My job has been really stressful as it's hard physical work, and they have made huge cut backs to staff. So we are struggling to keep up with everything and everyone is paranoid about loosing their jobs. I was really sick for the first 18 weeks, and it's come back again. On the nights I'm not at work I'm either awake with one of my girls, or up vomiting. More recently I just seem to come downstairs at about 1 am and cry until the kids wake up about 6. I am doing two courses at the university, and I have exams in three weeks. My husband works during the day and to be honest is absolutely useless with helping me at all. I mean he's the sort that can't manage to move his cereal bowl off the table to the counter much less wash it up. I tend to all the house work and gardening as fighting with him just wears me out and I'm so exhausted. He also decided two weeks ago to start a course and he's away every week day from 8 - 21:00, as such he's made my working a nightmare as I'm rushing about trying to make childcare arangements. I just feel like I can't cope anymore. I just can't. I don't know what to do. On top of all this he's being deployed next month for eight months. He won't be here for our baby's birth and as such I'm moving back to stay near my mother, in Canada. Not that we get on well even but I just need anybody right now. So, I'm trying to arrange an international move six months pregnant with two toddlers, while studying and working. As from my money rant, I've had significant financial issues crop up, and my husband has just launched into a huge fight with his family which seems to be coming at us from every angle. I can't sleep, and I keep loosing weight. I feel so sick to my stomach and I feel like I'm no longer capable of functioning. I sit and try to study but I can't retain anything, and I'm worried about how this is affecting my kids. What's worng with me? I look around and everyone else struggles but seems to be able to make it through. I just feel like I'm falling. Is this depression? Or is it just because I haven't slept for four hours out of a twenty four hour period in months. Sorry to be such a moany cow, just everytime I wirte something up here it seems to feel less difficult.