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how do i move on?

how do i move on iv tryed but it hurts so much. I still love him even thow hes treated me like shit but it ent gona happen its gone to far but i just dont no how to move on and look to the future.All ive dont is cry 4 the past few weeks since he has gone how did u lot get over your ex especially being pregnant how do u look forward and b positive im just do depressed and cant snap out of it i dnt no if its cos im 30 wks gone now or what i just dont no pls help me xxx


  • tinkerbell, I'm so sorry to be the one to say it but I've been reading your posts when rising levels of concern and horror.

    Firstly, I do understand the difficulty of your situation but I think you need to live up to yourself and accept certain truths, Your ex is a bastard and a bad man. Your previous ex to that was also a bad man. You may be 20 something with 4 kids but I think you should understand you won't have to live alone without love for the rest of your life if you take the time to attend to yourself in a right and proper manner but you may find yourself with more children and more heartbreak if you do not take time out to attend to your needs as a person.

    You knew of your ex's previous history with his other children and you still allowed yourself to get in your current situation, you knew you had 3 three children already and one with disabilities, So you must have understood number 4 would add to that work load. It also sounds like it was a mega effort to conceive number 4. There is something additional in your need to have a partner that prevents you from just attending to your current family. Lots of women who need to relocate across the country because of a violent ex find they don't have a partner again ever or for along time but you have gone for another heap of trouble.

    You need to respect that as a human being you have the conscious power of free will and the ability to be discerning and make choices. You have made some poor choices but that does not make you a bad person. You are young and can learn to make better choices and good strong positive choices which will benefit you in the long term. Then you will have a better life.

    I know this may sound unappealing but I sincerely believe you need to approach your gp, explain your ex and current partner and ask to see a therapist or counsellor. You need someone who can talk you through your issues and guide you to making better choices. I think you might have low self esteem and confidence even if you cannot see it because you let these people disrespect you so much and then still cry for more. be better than that.

    You are a mum responsible for the outcome of 4 children who will be adults one day, that is a big deal, do right by them and yourself and that will be a big reward.I believe you can do it and turn your life into a better place.

    good luck
  • i knew him 4 a while b4 i went out with him we were friends 4 months b4 we were together he was great at the time he was the 1 tht helped me through the dv and we got closer and closer it took me months to be able to trust him. H was the perfect gentleman to me and the kids things between his ex were bad anyway i dnt no the ins and outs and yes he did leave her but apparently she trapped him into haveing another baby in the hope hed stay with her but it didnt happen he went the other way i was there 4 him at that time. Thn all the stuff was kicking off with the dv with me and we were just there 4 eachother but we grew closer and closer and yes i fell preg pretty quick wen we got together but i thought i cudnt have anymore children to be honest so that was a bit of a big shock but we were both very pleased thn we lost baby thn we kept trying but i sat him down b4 amy and said look u no u have to be sure a baby is what u want. And he said it was cos he loved me so we had amy he was gr8 he came to the scans and midwife but summink in him changed in a big way over time he was haveing money off me left rite and center and i didnt really recognise it was happening cos he was so nice at times but i think the trouble started wen we moved intogether cos he wanted money 4 this and that and id find stuff that i shuddnt on the pc and his phn es i prob was stupid and u r prob thinking this is my own fault. But to be honest if id of saw this comeing i wud never of gone in 4 a baby with him he was so convinseing he had everybody fooled about him being the perfect dad even my little boys s.worker has said this is not my fault and none of us saw this comeing as he was the perfect bloke with the way he was with the kids and appointments with ty and to be honest this has come as such a shock to me and the kids he went out to get bike parts thn text to say he wernt comeing bac. I just think hes got in with the wrong crowd well i know 100% it is but there is no way hes comeing bac into my kids lifes and i will never trust him again it ent me im bothered about i will heal im just fat and very grumpy and tired but its my kids im worryed about cos they say wen is he comeing bac and they miss him ive explained the best way i can but they dont understand i dnt thow so how can i expect them to. I know iv made the wrong choice of blokes but with stu i nearly died haveing my little boy liam they gave me 48 hours to live and it threw him and ever since then he became obsessive thn it turned to i was not allowed out hed hide my keys and everything it was wen i started standing up 4 myself he turned nasty and started hitting me and he always said it was cos he loved me i no he hit me wen i was carrying liam but he was drunk i think he just got that scared of looseing me it just turned him nuts cos hed cry after hed hit me and buy me summink like a botttle of wine lol i no its no excuse but tht was the way i lived till i decided things were getting to much and it was getting worse cos he was turning on the kids so i got out. my bloke until he left has always been there 4 me through the court cases and i really truely believed he loved me and the kids he was amazing with tyler even with his disability he got him walking up the stairs talking better he was great but he wernt gud with me in the end i think its cos i was getting fatter hed always say i was fat now im pregnant i think thats what has put me off i had no idear hed do this to me with this baby we tryed 4 her he wanted her well thats what i thought its not a case of me needing him cos i dnt as ive always done everything 4 my kids and kept the house going payed all the bills i no he was just spungeing off me now but wen u love some1 that much u just put all the bad stuff out your mind and pretend everythings ok pls dnt think im a bad person or stupid cos im really not ok i made a really bad choice in men but iv got 3 beautifull children out of it and another on the way its his loss not mine so pls dont judge me cos im not a bad person i just wanted us to be loved thats all i ever wanted 4 me and the kids hes just turned into a dick i cud of had him bac to use me and piss off 4 mnths agen but i put a stop to it and said no cos of my kids and said either u r with me or u ent if i was on my own i prob wud of let him come and go but he ent doing that to my kids no way the r worth to much to let a prick like that hurt them again xxx
  • Oh hun, I don't think Alabaster is judging you or thinks you're a bad person, she's giving you an outsiders point of view. Sometimes it takes some one who isn't involved in the situation to give you an honest opinion.
    It sounds like you have a real desire to be loved, which we all do but your letting it cloud your judgement, just beacause someone is good to you doesn't mean we should open up our lives to them. Take some time to look after yourself and your babies cos that is all that matters. I completely agree with her that you should speak to your GP you are putting yourself and your baby at risk with this depression, do it now before the baby is born or it could quite easily turn into postnatal depression.
    Do not give this man the satisfaction of taking away what should be a joyful time for you. Look after yourself xxx
  • iv spoke to docs cos iv had depression b4 and he said im fine very tired emotional and yes depressed but he said its normal 4 me to feel like this and iv spoke to midwife and they said its all normal the way im feeling as im in a way grieving it dont feel bloody normal id give anything to be happy again and thats what im terrified of me gettin postnatle depression (i cnt spell lol) i have my gud days where i keep myself really busy and then i hav bad days where hed text me and that wud be it id start crying my eyes out again so iv blocked his number now so he cant text me 4 muy own sanity it dnt help wen iv got his mom saying pls dnt stop contact wiv thm cos amy is still her granddaughter and shes his daughter so i feel really guilty thn but i dnt no y he dont give 2 shits about her and im fed up of her saying hel come to regret it and come bac but i dnt want him bac to just walk out wen things get tuff again cos he will i cud never trust him again.Hel go a few days without textin me then hel start just as i get stronger i just hope to god he dont start harrassing me wen iv had amy cos in my eyes nebody that can just walk out dont deserve to be a father u cant just pick and choose wen to be a parent pmsl if only life was that simple i do love him but i dont like him if u no wot i mean he ent the man i met. xx
  • No he probably is he was just very good at hiding it. You've been really sensible in barring his number no contact is the best way forward. Don't keep his mum out as you could probably do with the help as it sounds like you've got your hands full,plus if he does demand access to the baby you could use his mum as a go between. There is no reason for you to have any contact with him. If he keeps mathering tell him to f off or you'll call the police.
    You might not realise it but whilst reading what you write about him it comes across as though you'll hope he'll change , he won't he is using your words, a "prick".
    There is nothing wrong with having a sob and feeling sorry for yourself just don't let it take you over, you have 4 very special reasons to live for and will give you more love and joy than any man can.

    Take care chuck xxxx
  • his moms not any use either she lives in spain and she never comes over as sge cant afford to so to be honest she ent got any rite to tell me wot to do no she needs to sort her wanker of a son out thow he needs a gud kick up the arse he shudnt b allowed to get away wiv this and he ent seein amy he can fuck off cos hel mess her up like he has his other kids as he gets bored the truth is he dnt giove a shit bout ne1 but himself he even said he wants to b on his own in other words no responsisility of any kids cos his littke 16 yr old friends ent got kids he wants to be like them the fuckin paedo hangin round wiv kids im sure there is a law against that hes 29 this yr ffs he needs to grow up hes a freak hes a child in a mans body and he dont dseserve my love or the kids love or the chance to have a beautifull baby girl shes to precious 4 him to destroy everything he touches he destroys and he ent gettin near her xxx
  • Tinkerbell.
    Its hard,you are carrying his baby and feel so alone and unhappy so its difficult not to always be thinking of him,and going from hating him,to wanting him!!!
    I know,i was there myself awhile ago bt im here to say it does get better and easier,im nying that i takes awhile and it hurts but it happens.
    I had a good relationship with my sons dad for the first year or so but then it all seemed to go wrong,there was violence and we were very much on and off..i had finally decided it was over when i found out i was pregnant...he promised to change and be the sort of person i needed im to be for me an r unborn child,deep down i just knew he couldnt become that person,it would take maturity and selflessness all things he is not!!!
    To cut a looong story short,he failed,I was alone throughout most of my pregnancy,when i took mat leave i cannot describe the feelings of lonilness and pure depression i felt!i cried all the time and really was making my self ill,i didnt know how i coud go on,it wasnt so much thate and my ex were not together but that he had left so easily at a time that should be special and shared.i felt very much unloved and alone!
    I just kept looking to the future and thinkince baby was here and i returned towork ect things would improve,i admit a part of me thought maybe once baby was born my ex may change and come good too!!!
    Now My son is 19mths,im in a new relationbnship,hardly ever see nor speak to my sons dad!we usually end up arguing if we do,because yep you guessed hes still the same person,he does not work or help hugely to provide for his son,but imer it all now,hes Bens dad i want them to have a good relationship,and bens dads failings are his own,one day he will maybe have to confront them..this is all his own problem
    Im building a good life for me and my son and im proud of myself!!! I refused to waste any of my time on wondering or worrying about Bens dad a looong time ago,you should do the same!!
    I know right now it doesnt feel possible but you have to move on,he isnt worth it you know this,be a better person and let him go!!
    As others said your young and have plently of time to find real happiness...and you will!it will never be with your ex though!
    Take care hun,i know some of what you feel but im just one example of someone who moved on and now can say it was the best thing i ever did lol x
  • i know what u r saying but things just get worse i think he was seeing sum1else on the net as iv just found a piece of paper hidden under the pc it had [email protected] i think and a mobile number on thn norwich i went to ring the number but summmink in my heart just couldnt do it. I tryed twice but i just couldnt go through with it so i chucked it in the bin cos if id of rung and she answered it id of prob gone into early labour with shock its the kind of shock i cud do with out being over 30 weeks gone and to be honest ignorance is bliss iv bin hurt enuff and thet wud be the iceing on the cake. It wud explain the pic and vid i found on the pc thow to be honest if it is what my gut instinkt is telling me. D u think i did the right thing by throwing it straight in the bin or wud u of rung the number to find out who it was? xx
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