To my dh: I know you work hard all day and don't come home until very late, but if you say to me one more time on your day off 'just because it's my day off, doesn't mean that it's yours' I will poke you in the eye with a sharp object. Also I appreciate that you're tired and you want to catch up on some sleep on your days off, but sleeping until the afternoon is not acceptable, especially if you stayed up all night playing Xbox, that was your choice, not mine!
To my mil: Thank you for being so utterly and completely wonderful. I love you so so much and feel incredibly lucky to have you in my life.
To my dad: After 10 years of saying to me 'when are you going to get married and have babies, I want to be a grandad', it would be nice if you showed some interest in your one and only grandchild once in a while. To see her only half a dozen times in her 5 short months is not acceptable, especially as you haven't seen her at all for the last 3 months of that! I have totally given up inviting you to our house to see your grand daughter seeing as you're always 'busy' when I call to ask if we can pop up to see you. I'm completely fed up of making all the effort, now it's your turn.
To my brother and sil: Thanks for only seeing your one and only neice twice, so much for you being all about family. Nice to see that we mean so much to you. I'll remind you of how you've treated us when you have a child of your own and how much it hurts when your family just don't give a monkeys!
mother: i love you but seriously bloody well listen to me! she does not need another pink frilly dress. i do not like them, i will not put them on her, and when you do when you have her it only makes her cranky! she is not cranky because she hasn't napped, she is cranky because she does not like lace as it bloody well itches! it's bad enough you subjected me to it til i was old enough to buy my own clothes, leave my poor baby alone, she likes her jeans and shorts thank you!
OH parents: you are lovely, you are the best not quite in-laws a girl can have, and please please feel free to see DD any time you like! you do not haave to wait weeks between visits just to give us space bless you!
my step-brother: she is not called emily, she is called emmy-lee/emmy. you're 7 year old brothers can manage to get it right get a fucking grip you're 21, learn her name! also if you criticise her for being ginger once more i will put you through a wall! especially as i am ginger too!!!
to my dad: you are a total tosser and i wish you would fall off a cliff (or better yet push you off one!). only seeing your only grandchild once in the 6 months she has been alive is not acceptable! never having even cuddled her is even less so! you are a wanker and i hope you and your stupid wife who is young enough to be my sister are happy because you will never be a grandad to my daughter!
the father's wife: you are a bitch, i actually hate you, and i hope you are happy that you have completely ruined the relationship between me and my dad. also stop trying to act hard, you are not big and clever, you are just big and fat and a charva! and please please start on me when you are drunk because i would really like to put you through a window! also please resolve your daddy issues coz itt's just weird that your husband is older than your father!
my step-dad: you can be a grumpy arse but i love you and thank you so much for being a fantastic grandad to my DD. she loves you and you will always be her grandad no matter what my arse of a father says! i love you and thank you for being there when my own father isn't!
my best friend: i love you, you rock, you are the best...but it is a little bit early to be planning K and emmy's wedding already! lol
to my gorgeous OH: thank you for being you, i love you, and take the sodding hint about marrying me already! lmao
to anyone who does this: she is not your baby and stop saying 'give me my baby to push'. i gave birth to her so F off, if i wish for you to push her pram i will ask. you may ask but may be told no depending how i feel. if you take my buggy off me once more i will run you over with it!
[Modified by: mummy and emmy-lee on July 11, 2010 07:43 PM]
[Modified by: mummy and emmy-lee on July 11, 2010 07:59 PM]
To husband : Please do not sit and watch me hoover, cook tea, wash up, bath kids, put them to bed, cut the grass and take the bins out and then ask me for a shag....I can guarantee that tonight is NOT your night!
To mum: Please do not talk to me like you know best - my childhood was shocking and it should be no surprise that I do not wish to talk to you or indeed travel 5 hours with two kids to see you because you cannot make the effort to take time out of your unemployed week to see us. I know dad is 'nearly 64!!!' but really......i cannot see how all of us can fit in your static home for tea. oh i could go on for weeks.
To my ex:- You were overjoyed when we found out I was pregnant, as you thought you could never have children after chemotherapy, so WHY DO YOU NOT BOTHER with him? You say "you have a life too" - well so do I, it revolves around my kids - why doesn't yours?? You've seen him 10 times in the last year, and have phoned him about 5 times. If you want to see him, you're gonna have to make an effort from now on, because I can't keep doing it for you. And, you think you deserve to see him on father's day?? NO! That day is reserved for the man that is there day in day out for him, the man that is there when he is ill, or wets the bed, or to pick him up from school and listen to his story about his day. While you may be a dad in the biological sense, you are a pathetic excuse for a father, and our son probably wouldn't notice if you fell of the face of the earth.
To my husband:- You are a wonderful father. You have always treated DS1 as though he is your own, and I couldn't ever have wished for a better dad for him. DS2 adores you too - he has your eyes, and I thank my lucky stars every day that we found you.
To my mother in law:-
You are an evil old hag! It's a wonder my hubby survived his childhood and grew up to be a well adjusted, intelligent person. When your husband goes into hospital after 3 serious heart attacks and needing a quadrupal bypass, it is unacceptable not to visit him, claiming that you can't get there because you can't drive, and whinging that he should come home to look after you because you're not eating properly, AND THEN taking 2 buses into town to go and buy yourself chocolate!! He was in hosptial for 6 weeks and you visited him once? Bitch!
It is unacceptable to bump into us in Tesco and call your only grandchild "it". I don't like it when you comment that you think he is overweight - he isn't - he's actually quite small for his age according to the weight and growth charts. So to buy him clothes 4 sizes too big because you think he's a fat baby - fuck off!! Keep your garish, hideous, oversized outfits to yourself because he won't be wearing them, and I won't keep them until they fit him because they're gross. They went to the charity shop - with the rest of the crap you buy him (which isn't a lot!)
I thank you for taking the time to come to his 1st birthday party - bearing in mind you couldn't be bothered to come to our wedding reception, it was good of you to make an appearance. Next time wear a bra! Also, it would have been nice if you had taken the time to speak to my mum, or to actually say ANYTHING nice to anyone - instead you sat outside on your own smoking, and when you did bother to come inside you whinged at DH that you felt left out - well fucking boo hoo - make a bloody effort! I will not bring him to your house because it smells. I have never seen you without a cigarette in your mouth for longer than 2 minutes - so if you want to see him, you can come to our house - you're always welcome if you want to make the effort. You never phone to see how your only grandchild is - but that's no surprise when you have never ever phoned to see how your youngest son is.
To my mum:-
I love you, and congratulations on your up and coming wedding. You will look lovely, and I wish you both all the best for the future.
To my best friend:-
You are my rock, and I don't tell you often enough how much you mean to me. I hope you get better soon, because you don't deserve the hand you've recently been dealt. I love you x
To husband : Please do not sit and watch me hoover, cook tea, wash up, bath kids, put them to bed, cut the grass and take the bins out and then ask me for a shag....I can guarantee that tonight is NOT your night!
Yes I KNOW that both of my nephews slept through the night by 12 weeks. However I am NOT going to leave my baby to cry when he wakes up in the night. I might be making a rod for my own back, but guess what? My baby, my back, MY ROD.
To my husband:
Thank you for listening to my non-stop list of worries and concerns without complaining. Thank you for coming home from work and doing the bed/bath routine so I can have an hour off. Thank you for hiding the Gina Ford books so I can't torture myself with them. Thank you for helping with the night feeds even when you have a long day at work ahead of you. HOWEVER When you wash the bottles, you actually need to WASH them with a brush, not just dunk them in hot water and put them in the steriliser. Otherwise they come out of the steriliser with milk residue still in them! And if you keep putting your trousers in the laundry basket with tissues in the pocket I might kill you )
Oh I know I have already done this twice but I am going to do it again because it is soooooo good!!!
To my mum & dad-thanks for being so good with Olivia, she adores you both in every way
To my husband-thank you for cleaning the bottles every night and cleaning the kitchen every day
To my mil-you made planning my wedding complete hell, you also made my pregnancy hell, you could at least say happy birthday to your eldest son it wouldn't kill you. I don't care that we didn't get married they way you wanted and just because we didnt get married in a chapel it does not mean that we are not legally married so stop f***ing telling people that we are not married!!! My dd is only 8 months and even when she is older you will not be forcing her to do irish dancing, singing or playing piano, she is NOT your daughter so f**k off!!!
Please stop asking me whether Toby is sleeping through yet. You have asked me every day for six months. I have been very patient but if you don't stop I am going to lose it. He has never slept through and probably won't for ages. Nobody cares but you!! There is nothing wrong with him. And FYI - your children probably didn't sleep through either, you put them to sleep in the nursery at the other end of the house from you and didn't have baby monitors, so you really have no idea if they slept through or not. And please stop telling me to give him formula. It will NOT necessarily make him sleep better. I have nothing against FF, I know you did it with your 3 boys and they all turned out great - but I want to BF so please let me!
Yes, I know you did a great job raising 3 boys. But is it so wrong that I do things differently from you? Is it not possible that we may have learned important things in the 30 years since you last had a baby, such as it is dangerous to put a baby to sleep on its tummy? Is it really unreasonable for me to take notice of the last 30 years of medical research? Some people might call it progress!!
Also please stop insisting that I bring Toby round to meet your friends all the time. He is not a doll.
And finally - I HATE it when you belittle your husband in front of others, even when it's "just family". It's disrespectful. Your husband is a lovely man and doesn't deserve to be humiliated.
To my FIL: Thank you for being such a wonderful granddad. Toby loves you and I love that you love spending time with him. I just wish you would stand up for yourself to your wife a bit more!!
To MIL's sister: Please stop knitting clothes for Toby. YOU CAN'T KNIT. The clothes you make are ugly and they don't fit. We throw them away. So don't waste your time. And please stop comparing Toby to your granddaughter. Yes, I do things differently to your daughter. That is actually OK.
To my mum:
I love you lots but I wish you would start listening to me! I do actually know what I'm doing.
And STOP trying to give/buy me clothes! I know you don't like the way I dress. I just don't care!! I don't like what you wear either but I don't TELL you that - that would be rude. Got it?
And yes, I know how amazing my husband is and how lucky I am. It's actually not OK for you to imply that he's too good for me and that I am going to have to change the way I look/dress if I want to hang on to him!
And finally, to my husband:
I love you more than anything in the world and every day I count my lucky stars that I have you. Thank you for giving me the most amazing son and for being such a wonderful Daddy.
Having said that, have you happened to notice those piles of things by the stairs? Like laundry at the bottom that needs to go up and rubbish at the top that needs to come down? Those things don't actually LIVE there, it's just that I can only carry so much when I'm carrying a baby as well. It would be great if you could bring them up/down with you as you pass rather than ignoring them.
Also, it's lovely when you get up to clear the plates after dinner sometimes, so I can sit for a minute. It's not so lovely when I go into the kitchen a few hours later and see all the dishes just sitting there, unrinsed, on the bench so that the food has caked hard as rock on them. Either take them out, rinse them and put them in the dishwasher, or just leave them for me to take care of.
Thank you, that's all...for now!
C xo
Edited to correct a glaring error - dangerous to put baby to sleep on tummy not back! Baby brain...
[Modified by: charlotteb on July 12, 2010 11:16 PM]
Thank you for being you and being such a great dad, Noah loves you lots and so do i. However, when people ask do you get used to the sleepless nights, your response should be i don't know because my lovely wife does all the feeds and settling, so i sleep fine (i am breast feeding) and not you don't it's exhausting WTF??. Also i love the fact that you get in from work at 6.30 and the first thing you do is bath Noah, however when you dry him and he makes a mess on his towel (which happens a lot) do not just leave it on the kitchen table! There is also a washing machine in the kitchen.
To Mum, Please take a look around you, you have an adorable grandson and my sister has provided you with two lovely granddaughters. I know you love them dearly and us so please, please stop drinking and making yourself so ill!!
To my sister I love you lots and are glad we have become closer over the years i am looking forward to our children growing up together even if we do live 180 miles apart!
To MIL You are an amazing person and before Noah i had no complaints and considered myself very lucky! You are still a kind and thoughtful lady but please backoff!!!!!!!!!!
Yes i am very greatful that you will be looking after Noah when i go back to work so that we can move house but.. Noah is not a doll he is not yours to pass around to all your friends (most of whom i have never met), i am grateful that your friends have sent Noah lovely gifts (again who i have never met) but it is my responsibility to thank them not yours he is our chld. I found it quite disturbing that you had more grandparent cards than we had new parent cards!! we had the baby not you!! It is not ok to keep making arrangments with your friends and invite me round not knowing that there will be a house full of people for Noah to be like pass the parcel. Noah does not need extra water i am breastfeeding and he is absolutely fine even in hot weather. He does not like being held constantly and it is ok to leave him on his play mat for him to practice rolling grab his toys it does not make me a bad mother!! Never ever wake a sleeping baby!! Noah will NOT get gangly legs (what ever they are ) if i hold him up on his legs he likes it and pushes himself up!! I know you don't like the fact that i breastfeed as you can't feed him, and every time i am feeding him you don't need to ask is everything ok 10 million times! Every Time you hold him and he cries he has NOT got tummy aches he is just fed up of you picking him up leave him be pleassssssssssssseeeee, it is really annoying!! Oh and it is not a competition between him and your niece's child, he is three months older than Noah and so will probably be walking before him!! Yes he is gorgeous but his name is Noah not Gorgeous boy which you say at least 100 time when we are round! Do NOT ask me to mind my own child?? you say it like he's yours and you need me to watch him!! if you didn't wonder off with him every five mins then he would never leave my sight!!.
oh and one last thing it is not ok for you to send photos of my son to people i have never met who are not even relatives.
To my fil Thank you for all your finacial help and you will be a great grandad as you can read him like a book and know what he likes..
To my dad
I miss you lots and i know you would have been proud of all your grandchildren, can't believe you have been gone all that time xx
To Noah You are a little treasure , sorry mummy has got to go back to work but we want to provide you with a lovely home and garden, and room for you to have a brother or sister. I know grandma can me overpowering but she loves you and you will be well looked after. We will still have weekends school holidays and i will be home for 3.30 most days love you lots!!! xxxx
to my oh...when oliver is doing something he isnt allowed like climbing on the fireplace or pulling the wires dont pretend you cant see him, so that you dont have to go and get him and say NO,
my mil...dont expect my son to like you when you only bother to see him every couple of months. and dont pull that face you do when myself or oh swing oliver, oliver loves it and we are capable of looking after our son! we are NOT going to drop him!
to my nan...please dont pick oliver up all the time, he likes to play on the floor, i am not "mean" for letting him play by himself somtimes!
my fil...well you have only bothered to see your grandson twice in 9 months, once after he was born and once before xmas, we havnt heard from you since, you only live 1 hour away so what are you playing at?? i think your a rubbish dad and grandad!!!!!!
I am just LOVING this thread! I would like to add a few-
To my Husband, I love you with all my heart and can't imagine life without you but my god you drive me mad at times! Like last night after we got in from the BBQ, I put lo to bed and got on with the ironing. I left the clean WET washing in the basket in the middle of the floor to lay a little hint it needed hanging out, NOT that you should walk into it, say "Opps, I nearly fell over that, you be careful with that in the middle of the floor babe", It was nice that you took after the ironing from me but asking me to sort out all your clothes for you to do as mine and LO's are "too fiddly" cancels out the gesture. I love it when you tell me how nice I look, and how pregnancy suits me but PLEASE just once leave it there. DO NOT then make it into a sexual inuendo (?SP). Also try cuddling me without touching me up once in a while!
To my Mum and Dad, I love you both and don't tell you enough. You are amazing parents and grandparents and should be able to live your own life but what you do for my neice and nephew makes that impossible. No not every grandparent would do the same- you guys are just special and amazing. But Mum please stop asking me if I have more than one baby in my belly as I am so huge- it hurts.
To my Son- the best baby in the world TM, Mummy loves you always and forever and I am sorry that I get cross with you sometimes, you can be a stoppy bugger (like me!) but I still love you.
To my unborn baby, Please please stay put longer than your Brother did! I love you already.
To my MIL, I do love you but you drive me crazy. Stop slagging off your other DIL to me, I like her and she is an excellent Mum. And stop trying to make me and your son take sides with you in your petty arguements. Please stop all the BF comments. I BF my 1st son for a year and I intend to do the same with this baby. It is NOT selfish of me to BF so no-one else 'get's a turn' it is MY decision and I do not need to be covered up with a blanket when I feed in public. Honor your promise to your ex-husband.
To my FIL. Get over your obvious problem that me and your son are having another baby. Call us, come see us and make a bloody effort.
To my Sister, Grow up and sort yourself out. I am done helping you and being sympathetic. You will be dead by the time your daughter starts school if you carry on. I will not allow you to keep our family's life on hold any longer, we are moving on.
To DH - you are a fab daddy, but please stop saying that I do everything better with DD, like getting her to sleep and changing her nappy, just to get out of it. You are more than capable... Stop rolling your eyes when I say that DD needs to be walked about to settle - know ur tired but so am I! On that note, don't have a afternoon nap then days later cause arguements when I apparently do nothing and maybe I should go back to work!!!!!! Stop assuming that a cleaning fairy lives here, she really doesn't exist - that was ur mum in disguise. Stop getting into little strops and having paddy's when things don't go your way, I'd really like DD not to learn that! Other than that, I love you and how proud you are of DD and how you love her sleeping on you that it ends up making u late for work! And thank you for doing bathtimes xx
To mum - love you loads and thank you for all your help. But life has moved on 30 years since I was born, things have changed - DD doesn't need water when its hot, my breastmilk does the job just fine thanks. No she really isn't your baby, stop saying she is, I know you love her, but she's mine! Oh and stop being so obsessive about pushing the pram. Can you call her by her actual name once in while, fat cheeks is cute but not that cute - and its not her damn name!! Other than that, thank you for the money, couldn't have maternity leave without it! xx
To MIL - thank you for looking after DD once a week, I get soooo much done at home! However, please keep DD out of the sun or at least put suncream on - know you love the sun, but baby's skin doesn't! Next time I have a baby DO NOT tell ur son off for leaving me for a couple of hours when DD was a week old, I am not going to bleed to death as you claimed and I did actually ask him to go out as I wanted to have some sleep when DD was sleeping. Also can you stop being so clingy about DD, let her have some breathing space, she doesn't need to be in your arms constantly! Other than that, thanks for letting us use your pool this summer, DD loves it xx
To dad and FIL - you guys are fab grandads - you never pass comment and just love seeing DD xx
To sister - you are not a better parent than me - your baby hasn't even been born yet!!! Stop implying that my ideas are silly (yes we survived sleeping on our fronts when we were babies, but thousands didn't, hence why I'm following current reasearch, ta muchly). Don't ever say to me again about its okay to let my DD cry it out, it won't kill her - no it won't but I know what the problem is and I will damn well sort it out thanks! Stop poo pooing my nursery, yes it a neutral green, instead of full on pink but thats what we wanted funnily enough! And finally try coming to our house once in a blue moon, we always have to go to yours cos you can't be a**ed to make the 20 minute trip to ours, the excuse of being too busy doesn't wash at all. Other than that, u are a good auntie to her and thank you for all the lovely gifts xx
to my grandparents...i will never forget how you acted when we told you about OUR pregnancy, my family came to your house and i told you OUR HAPPY news and showed your our scan pics, and just just said "oh" and then changed the subject, everyone else was so happy for us but you two ruined it for us! you miserable gits! and stop coming round just to "act" like good great grandparents, all you do it pose for photos with my son then bugger off!!!!! you have been no help what so ever. i dont invite you round because im still totally p!ssed off with how you acted about my son! you are welcome to see him if you bother to ARRANGE to come and see him, DO NOT keep randomly turning up when it suits YOU!!!!!!
to my mum...you have been amazing with oliver, he loves you to bits, thank you so much for ALWAYS being here for us, i know you would do anything for us and i really appreciate your help and advice!
to my dad...you were not a great grandad to start with, and thats why oliver doesnt like being with you, he doesnt know you well enough, but over the past couple of months you have been better with him and he is starting to like you now! but please do not feed him anything without asking me first!!! i have been very keen to home make all of his food, so dont give him tinned sardines!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When you wash the bottles, you actually need to WASH them with a brush, not just dunk them in hot water and put them in the steriliser. Otherwise they come out of the steriliser with milk residue still in them! And if you keep putting your trousers in the laundry basket with tissues in the pocket I might kill you
Oh my God!!! This us the first time I have suspected my DH may have a secret second life!!!! LMAO!
To my Dad I wish you had known I was pregnant and I wish you had met your beautiful granddaughter - you would've been so proud. Please watch over her and keep her safe.
To my Mum You are absolutely amazing - I hope I can be as good at Mumming as you are. I don't know what I would do without you, please don't go anywhere.
To my DD I love you more than I ever thought possible and I promise to always do my absolute best for you.
To darling hubby - I love you with all my heart. You are the best husband and dad me and LO could ever wish for. Thanks for doing all the night feeds on the weekends and for taking such good care of me now we are having our second child. Thanks for encouraging me not to go back to work if I didn't want to when the opportunity arrived. One negative, please stand up to your father.
Mom & Dad - You are fabulous parents and amaxzing grandparents. Mom - an extra special thanks for being there when I gave birth and for agreeing to do it again. I am so fortunate to have you both.
To my sister - you are my best friend and I feel so fortunate that you are my sister. I will always be there for you and your kids as you are for me and mine.
MIL - you're all right really (but please keep your fingers out of my baby's mouth and don't call her your baby). It is your husband with whom I have issues. Oh by the way, when the new baby arrives you will not be able to visit the first 5 days out of 7 as you did with LO - it was too much.
FIL - ahh, the crux of ALL my problems. Please keep your negative comments about how I feed my child to yourself. Please do not ask me again if I "feel like I have just got off a horse" when I am crying following a traumatic 24 hour labour. Please do not hold onto my daughter when she cries and definitely do not take her out of the room, it is YOU who is making her cry. Please do not pick her up constantly, especially when she is happily playing, she doesn't need such proximity to grandad's unwashed body. Please wash your filty hands. Please take a shower more regularly - this is not the 1950s. Please do not disregard my feelings and wishes and certainly do not dismiss me as her mother. We did not create her for you. If I had known that you contributing to our wedding would have meant you expecting me to go you my firstborn, we would never have accepted the money. Maybe I should pay you back.
If I am going to change LO's nappy, please do not tell me she is fine - I don't wait for a pooey nappy before I change her. And please don't tell me she is fine when she does actually stink of poo. Please don't try to wake my child when she is sleeping - remember when I did it to you and you hated it? Oh and lastly, please try to be gracious and congratulate us when we tell you were are having another baby, we will not be relying on you for any babysitting - only for baby-waking and baby-crying. The only positive thing I can say is that I think you do love your granchild. You just have a tormenting way of showing it.
"I love it when you tell me how nice I look, and how pregnancy suits me but PLEASE just once leave it there. DO NOT then make it into a sexual inuendo (?SP). Also try cuddling me without touching me up once in a while! " OMG I could have written that lol, glad its not just me :P
Replies
To my dh:
I know you work hard all day and don't come home until very late, but if you say to me one more time on your day off 'just because it's my day off, doesn't mean that it's yours' I will poke you in the eye with a sharp object. Also I appreciate that you're tired and you want to catch up on some sleep on your days off, but sleeping until the afternoon is not acceptable, especially if you stayed up all night playing Xbox, that was your choice, not mine!
To my mil:
Thank you for being so utterly and completely wonderful. I love you so so much and feel incredibly lucky to have you in my life.
To my dad:
After 10 years of saying to me 'when are you going to get married and have babies, I want to be a grandad', it would be nice if you showed some interest in your one and only grandchild once in a while. To see her only half a dozen times in her 5 short months is not acceptable, especially as you haven't seen her at all for the last 3 months of that! I have totally given up inviting you to our house to see your grand daughter seeing as you're always 'busy' when I call to ask if we can pop up to see you. I'm completely fed up of making all the effort, now it's your turn.
To my brother and sil:
Thanks for only seeing your one and only neice twice, so much for you being all about family. Nice to see that we mean so much to you. I'll remind you of how you've treated us when you have a child of your own and how much it hurts when your family just don't give a monkeys!
That's all for now, phew, and breathe...
i love you but seriously bloody well listen to me! she does not need another pink frilly dress. i do not like them, i will not put them on her, and when you do when you have her it only makes her cranky! she is not cranky because she hasn't napped, she is cranky because she does not like lace as it bloody well itches! it's bad enough you subjected me to it til i was old enough to buy my own clothes, leave my poor baby alone, she likes her jeans and shorts thank you!
OH parents:
you are lovely, you are the best not quite in-laws a girl can have, and please please feel free to see DD any time you like! you do not haave to wait weeks between visits just to give us space bless you!
my step-brother:
she is not called emily, she is called emmy-lee/emmy. you're 7 year old brothers can manage to get it right get a fucking grip you're 21, learn her name! also if you criticise her for being ginger once more i will put you through a wall! especially as i am ginger too!!!
to my dad:
you are a total tosser and i wish you would fall off a cliff (or better yet push you off one!). only seeing your only grandchild once in the 6 months she has been alive is not acceptable! never having even cuddled her is even less so! you are a wanker and i hope you and your stupid wife who is young enough to be my sister are happy because you will never be a grandad to my daughter!
the father's wife:
you are a bitch, i actually hate you, and i hope you are happy that you have completely ruined the relationship between me and my dad. also stop trying to act hard, you are not big and clever, you are just big and fat and a charva! and please please start on me when you are drunk because i would really like to put you through a window! also please resolve your daddy issues coz itt's just weird that your husband is older than your father!
my step-dad:
you can be a grumpy arse but i love you and thank you so much for being a fantastic grandad to my DD. she loves you and you will always be her grandad no matter what my arse of a father says! i love you and thank you for being there when my own father isn't!
my best friend:
i love you, you rock, you are the best...but it is a little bit early to be planning K and emmy's wedding already! lol
to my gorgeous OH:
thank you for being you, i love you, and take the sodding hint about marrying me already! lmao
to anyone who does this:
she is not your baby and stop saying 'give me my baby to push'. i gave birth to her so F off, if i wish for you to push her pram i will ask. you may ask but may be told no depending how i feel. if you take my buggy off me once more i will run you over with it!
[Modified by: mummy and emmy-lee on July 11, 2010 07:43 PM]
[Modified by: mummy and emmy-lee on July 11, 2010 07:59 PM]
Please do not sit and watch me hoover, cook tea, wash up, bath kids, put them to bed, cut the grass and take the bins out and then ask me for a shag....I can guarantee that tonight is NOT your night!
To mum:
Please do not talk to me like you know best - my childhood was shocking and it should be no surprise that I do not wish to talk to you or indeed travel 5 hours with two kids to see you because you cannot make the effort to take time out of your unemployed week to see us. I know dad is 'nearly 64!!!' but really......i cannot see how all of us can fit in your static home for tea.
oh i could go on for weeks.
To my ex:-
You were overjoyed when we found out I was pregnant, as you thought you could never have children after chemotherapy, so WHY DO YOU NOT BOTHER with him? You say "you have a life too" - well so do I, it revolves around my kids - why doesn't yours?? You've seen him 10 times in the last year, and have phoned him about 5 times. If you want to see him, you're gonna have to make an effort from now on, because I can't keep doing it for you. And, you think you deserve to see him on father's day?? NO! That day is reserved for the man that is there day in day out for him, the man that is there when he is ill, or wets the bed, or to pick him up from school and listen to his story about his day. While you may be a dad in the biological sense, you are a pathetic excuse for a father, and our son probably wouldn't notice if you fell of the face of the earth.
To my husband:-
You are a wonderful father. You have always treated DS1 as though he is your own, and I couldn't ever have wished for a better dad for him. DS2 adores you too - he has your eyes, and I thank my lucky stars every day that we found you.
To my mother in law:-
You are an evil old hag! It's a wonder my hubby survived his childhood and grew up to be a well adjusted, intelligent person. When your husband goes into hospital after 3 serious heart attacks and needing a quadrupal bypass, it is unacceptable not to visit him, claiming that you can't get there because you can't drive, and whinging that he should come home to look after you because you're not eating properly, AND THEN taking 2 buses into town to go and buy yourself chocolate!! He was in hosptial for 6 weeks and you visited him once? Bitch!
It is unacceptable to bump into us in Tesco and call your only grandchild "it". I don't like it when you comment that you think he is overweight - he isn't - he's actually quite small for his age according to the weight and growth charts. So to buy him clothes 4 sizes too big because you think he's a fat baby - fuck off!! Keep your garish, hideous, oversized outfits to yourself because he won't be wearing them, and I won't keep them until they fit him because they're gross. They went to the charity shop - with the rest of the crap you buy him (which isn't a lot!)
I thank you for taking the time to come to his 1st birthday party - bearing in mind you couldn't be bothered to come to our wedding reception, it was good of you to make an appearance. Next time wear a bra! Also, it would have been nice if you had taken the time to speak to my mum, or to actually say ANYTHING nice to anyone - instead you sat outside on your own smoking, and when you did bother to come inside you whinged at DH that you felt left out - well fucking boo hoo - make a bloody effort! I will not bring him to your house because it smells. I have never seen you without a cigarette in your mouth for longer than 2 minutes - so if you want to see him, you can come to our house - you're always welcome if you want to make the effort. You never phone to see how your only grandchild is - but that's no surprise when you have never ever phoned to see how your youngest son is.
To my mum:-
I love you, and congratulations on your up and coming wedding. You will look lovely, and I wish you both all the best for the future.
To my best friend:-
You are my rock, and I don't tell you often enough how much you mean to me. I hope you get better soon, because you don't deserve the hand you've recently been dealt. I love you x
Good thread - this is quite theraputic!
Please do not sit and watch me hoover, cook tea, wash up, bath kids, put them to bed, cut the grass and take the bins out and then ask me for a shag....I can guarantee that tonight is NOT your night!
Ha ha ha ha ha
Yes I KNOW that both of my nephews slept through the night by 12 weeks. However I am NOT going to leave my baby to cry when he wakes up in the night. I might be making a rod for my own back, but guess what? My baby, my back, MY ROD.
To my husband:
Thank you for listening to my non-stop list of worries and concerns without complaining.
Thank you for coming home from work and doing the bed/bath routine so I can have an hour off.
Thank you for hiding the Gina Ford books so I can't torture myself with them.
Thank you for helping with the night feeds even when you have a long day at work ahead of you.
HOWEVER
When you wash the bottles, you actually need to WASH them with a brush, not just dunk them in hot water and put them in the steriliser. Otherwise they come out of the steriliser with milk residue still in them!
And if you keep putting your trousers in the laundry basket with tissues in the pocket I might kill you
To my mum & dad-thanks for being so good with Olivia, she adores you both in every way
To my husband-thank you for cleaning the bottles every night and cleaning the kitchen every day
To my mil-you made planning my wedding complete hell, you also made my pregnancy hell, you could at least say happy birthday to your eldest son it wouldn't kill you. I don't care that we didn't get married they way you wanted and just because we didnt get married in a chapel it does not mean that we are not legally married so stop f***ing telling people that we are not married!!!
My dd is only 8 months and even when she is older you will not be forcing her to do irish dancing, singing or playing piano, she is NOT your daughter so f**k off!!!
To my MIL:
I love you to bits but you are driving me MAD.
Please stop asking me whether Toby is sleeping through yet. You have asked me every day for six months. I have been very patient but if you don't stop I am going to lose it. He has never slept through and probably won't for ages. Nobody cares but you!! There is nothing wrong with him. And FYI - your children probably didn't sleep through either, you put them to sleep in the nursery at the other end of the house from you and didn't have baby monitors, so you really have no idea if they slept through or not. And please stop telling me to give him formula. It will NOT necessarily make him sleep better. I have nothing against FF, I know you did it with your 3 boys and they all turned out great - but I want to BF so please let me!
Yes, I know you did a great job raising 3 boys. But is it so wrong that I do things differently from you? Is it not possible that we may have learned important things in the 30 years since you last had a baby, such as it is dangerous to put a baby to sleep on its tummy? Is it really unreasonable for me to take notice of the last 30 years of medical research? Some people might call it progress!!
Also please stop insisting that I bring Toby round to meet your friends all the time. He is not a doll.
And finally - I HATE it when you belittle your husband in front of others, even when it's "just family". It's disrespectful. Your husband is a lovely man and doesn't deserve to be humiliated.
To my FIL: Thank you for being such a wonderful granddad. Toby loves you and I love that you love spending time with him. I just wish you would stand up for yourself to your wife a bit more!!
To MIL's sister: Please stop knitting clothes for Toby. YOU CAN'T KNIT. The clothes you make are ugly and they don't fit. We throw them away. So don't waste your time. And please stop comparing Toby to your granddaughter. Yes, I do things differently to your daughter. That is actually OK.
To my mum:
I love you lots but I wish you would start listening to me! I do actually know what I'm doing.
And STOP trying to give/buy me clothes! I know you don't like the way I dress. I just don't care!! I don't like what you wear either but I don't TELL you that - that would be rude. Got it?
And yes, I know how amazing my husband is and how lucky I am. It's actually not OK for you to imply that he's too good for me and that I am going to have to change the way I look/dress if I want to hang on to him!
And finally, to my husband:
I love you more than anything in the world and every day I count my lucky stars that I have you. Thank you for giving me the most amazing son and for being such a wonderful Daddy.
Having said that, have you happened to notice those piles of things by the stairs? Like laundry at the bottom that needs to go up and rubbish at the top that needs to come down? Those things don't actually LIVE there, it's just that I can only carry so much when I'm carrying a baby as well. It would be great if you could bring them up/down with you as you pass rather than ignoring them.
Also, it's lovely when you get up to clear the plates after dinner sometimes, so I can sit for a minute. It's not so lovely when I go into the kitchen a few hours later and see all the dishes just sitting there, unrinsed, on the bench so that the food has caked hard as rock on them. Either take them out, rinse them and put them in the dishwasher, or just leave them for me to take care of.
Thank you, that's all...for now!
C xo
Edited to correct a glaring error - dangerous to put baby to sleep on tummy not back! Baby brain...
[Modified by: charlotteb on July 12, 2010 11:16 PM]
To DH,
Thank you for being you and being such a great dad, Noah loves you lots and so do i.
However, when people ask do you get used to the sleepless nights, your response should be i don't know because my lovely wife does all the feeds and settling, so i sleep fine (i am breast feeding) and not you don't it's exhausting WTF??. Also i love the fact that you get in from work at 6.30 and the first thing you do is bath Noah, however when you dry him and he makes a mess on his towel (which happens a lot) do not just leave it on the kitchen table! There is also a washing machine in the kitchen.
To Mum,
Please take a look around you, you have an adorable grandson and my sister has provided you with two lovely granddaughters. I know you love them dearly and us so please, please stop drinking and making yourself so ill!!
To my sister
I love you lots and are glad we have become closer over the years i am looking forward to our children growing up together even if we do live 180 miles apart!
To MIL
You are an amazing person and before Noah i had no complaints and considered myself very lucky!
You are still a kind and thoughtful lady but please backoff!!!!!!!!!!
Yes i am very greatful that you will be looking after Noah when i go back to work so that we can move house but..
Noah is not a doll he is not yours to pass around to all your friends (most of whom i have never met), i am grateful that your friends have sent Noah lovely gifts (again who i have never met) but it is my responsibility to thank them not yours he is our chld. I found it quite disturbing that you had more grandparent cards than we had new parent cards!! we had the baby not you!! It is not ok to keep making arrangments with your friends and invite me round not knowing that there will be a house full of people for Noah to be like pass the parcel. Noah does not need extra water i am breastfeeding and he is absolutely fine even in hot weather. He does not like being held constantly and it is ok to leave him on his play mat for him to practice rolling grab his toys it does not make me a bad mother!! Never ever wake a sleeping baby!! Noah will NOT get gangly legs (what ever they are ) if i hold him up on his legs he likes it and pushes himself up!! I know you don't like the fact that i breastfeed as you can't feed him, and every time i am feeding him you don't need to ask is everything ok 10 million times! Every Time you hold him and he cries he has NOT got tummy aches he is just fed up of you picking him up leave him be pleassssssssssssseeeee, it is really annoying!! Oh and it is not a competition between him and your niece's child, he is three months older than Noah and so will probably be walking before him!! Yes he is gorgeous but his name is Noah not Gorgeous boy which you say at least 100 time when we are round! Do NOT ask me to mind my own child?? you say it like he's yours and you need me to watch him!! if you didn't wonder off with him every five mins then he would never leave my sight!!.
oh and one last thing it is not ok for you to send photos of my son to people i have never met who are not even relatives.
To my fil
Thank you for all your finacial help and you will be a great grandad as you can read him like a book and know what he likes..
To my dad
I miss you lots and i know you would have been proud of all your grandchildren, can't believe you have been gone all that time xx
To Noah
You are a little treasure
to my oh...when oliver is doing something he isnt allowed like climbing on the fireplace or pulling the wires dont pretend you cant see him, so that you dont have to go and get him and say NO,
my mil...dont expect my son to like you when you only bother to see him every couple of months. and dont pull that face you do when myself or oh swing oliver, oliver loves it and we are capable of looking after our son! we are NOT going to drop him!
to my nan...please dont pick oliver up all the time, he likes to play on the floor, i am not "mean" for letting him play by himself somtimes!
my fil...well you have only bothered to see your grandson twice in 9 months, once after he was born and once before xmas, we havnt heard from you since, you only live 1 hour away so what are you playing at?? i think your a rubbish dad and grandad!!!!!!
ashy x
Great thread and some of these are sooo funny. Slightly scared by quite how vitriolic some of you are though! Eek!
I would like to add a few-
To my Husband,
I love you with all my heart and can't imagine life without you but my god you drive me mad at times! Like last night after we got in from the BBQ, I put lo to bed and got on with the ironing. I left the clean WET washing in the basket in the middle of the floor to lay a little hint it needed hanging out, NOT that you should walk into it, say "Opps, I nearly fell over that, you be careful with that in the middle of the floor babe", It was nice that you took after the ironing from me but asking me to sort out all your clothes for you to do as mine and LO's are "too fiddly" cancels out the gesture.
I love it when you tell me how nice I look, and how pregnancy suits me but PLEASE just once leave it there. DO NOT then make it into a sexual inuendo (?SP). Also try cuddling me without touching me up once in a while!
To my Mum and Dad,
I love you both and don't tell you enough. You are amazing parents and grandparents and should be able to live your own life but what you do for my neice and nephew makes that impossible. No not every grandparent would do the same- you guys are just special and amazing. But Mum please stop asking me if I have more than one baby in my belly as I am so huge- it hurts.
To my Son- the best baby in the world TM,
Mummy loves you always and forever and I am sorry that I get cross with you sometimes, you can be a stoppy bugger (like me!) but I still love you.
To my unborn baby,
Please please stay put longer than your Brother did! I love you already.
To my MIL,
I do love you but you drive me crazy. Stop slagging off your other DIL to me, I like her and she is an excellent Mum. And stop trying to make me and your son take sides with you in your petty arguements.
Please stop all the BF comments. I BF my 1st son for a year and I intend to do the same with this baby. It is NOT selfish of me to BF so no-one else 'get's a turn' it is MY decision and I do not need to be covered up with a blanket when I feed in public.
Honor your promise to your ex-husband.
To my FIL.
Get over your obvious problem that me and your son are having another baby. Call us, come see us and make a bloody effort.
To my Sister,
Grow up and sort yourself out. I am done helping you and being sympathetic. You will be dead by the time your daughter starts school if you carry on. I will not allow you to keep our family's life on hold any longer, we are moving on.
To my Brother,
I love you.
To DH - you are a fab daddy, but please stop saying that I do everything better with DD, like getting her to sleep and changing her nappy, just to get out of it. You are more than capable... Stop rolling your eyes when I say that DD needs to be walked about to settle - know ur tired but so am I! On that note, don't have a afternoon nap then days later cause arguements when I apparently do nothing and maybe I should go back to work!!!!!! Stop assuming that a cleaning fairy lives here, she really doesn't exist - that was ur mum in disguise. Stop getting into little strops and having paddy's when things don't go your way, I'd really like DD not to learn that! Other than that, I love you and how proud you are of DD and how you love her sleeping on you that it ends up making u late for work! And thank you for doing bathtimes xx
To mum - love you loads and thank you for all your help. But life has moved on 30 years since I was born, things have changed - DD doesn't need water when its hot, my breastmilk does the job just fine thanks. No she really isn't your baby, stop saying she is, I know you love her, but she's mine! Oh and stop being so obsessive about pushing the pram. Can you call her by her actual name once in while, fat cheeks is cute but not that cute - and its not her damn name!! Other than that, thank you for the money, couldn't have maternity leave without it! xx
To MIL - thank you for looking after DD once a week, I get soooo much done at home! However, please keep DD out of the sun or at least put suncream on - know you love the sun, but baby's skin doesn't! Next time I have a baby DO NOT tell ur son off for leaving me for a couple of hours when DD was a week old, I am not going to bleed to death as you claimed and I did actually ask him to go out as I wanted to have some sleep when DD was sleeping. Also can you stop being so clingy about DD, let her have some breathing space, she doesn't need to be in your arms constantly! Other than that, thanks for letting us use your pool this summer, DD loves it xx
To dad and FIL - you guys are fab grandads - you never pass comment and just love seeing DD xx
To sister - you are not a better parent than me - your baby hasn't even been born yet!!! Stop implying that my ideas are silly (yes we survived sleeping on our fronts when we were babies, but thousands didn't, hence why I'm following current reasearch, ta muchly). Don't ever say to me again about its okay to let my DD cry it out, it won't kill her - no it won't but I know what the problem is and I will damn well sort it out thanks! Stop poo pooing my nursery, yes it a neutral green, instead of full on pink but thats what we wanted funnily enough! And finally try coming to our house once in a blue moon, we always have to go to yours cos you can't be a**ed to make the 20 minute trip to ours, the excuse of being too busy doesn't wash at all. Other than that, u are a good auntie to her and thank you for all the lovely gifts xx
Ah that felt gooood!
xx
to my grandparents...i will never forget how you acted when we told you about OUR pregnancy, my family came to your house and i told you OUR HAPPY news and showed your our scan pics, and just just said "oh" and then changed the subject, everyone else was so happy for us but you two ruined it for us! you miserable gits! and stop coming round just to "act" like good great grandparents, all you do it pose for photos with my son then bugger off!!!!! you have been no help what so ever. i dont invite you round because im still totally p!ssed off with how you acted about my son! you are welcome to see him if you bother to ARRANGE to come and see him, DO NOT keep randomly turning up when it suits YOU!!!!!!
to my mum...you have been amazing with oliver, he loves you to bits, thank you so much for ALWAYS being here for us, i know you would do anything for us and i really appreciate your help and advice!
to my dad...you were not a great grandad to start with, and thats why oliver doesnt like being with you, he doesnt know you well enough, but over the past couple of months you have been better with him and he is starting to like you now! but please do not feed him anything without asking me first!!! i have been very keen to home make all of his food, so dont give him tinned sardines!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ashy x
When you wash the bottles, you actually need to WASH them with a brush, not just dunk them in hot water and put them in the steriliser. Otherwise they come out of the steriliser with milk residue still in them!
And if you keep putting your trousers in the laundry basket with tissues in the pocket I might kill you
Oh my God!!! This us the first time I have suspected my DH may have a secret second life!!!! LMAO!
To my Dad
I wish you had known I was pregnant and I wish you had met your beautiful granddaughter - you would've been so proud.
Please watch over her and keep her safe.
To my Mum
You are absolutely amazing - I hope I can be as good at Mumming as you are. I don't know what I would do without you, please don't go anywhere.
To my DD
I love you more than I ever thought possible and I promise to always do my absolute best for you.
B x
To darling hubby - I love you with all my heart. You are the best husband and dad me and LO could ever wish for. Thanks for doing all the night feeds on the weekends and for taking such good care of me now we are having our second child. Thanks for encouraging me not to go back to work if I didn't want to when the opportunity arrived. One negative, please stand up to your father.
Mom & Dad - You are fabulous parents and amaxzing grandparents. Mom - an extra special thanks for being there when I gave birth and for agreeing to do it again. I am so fortunate to have you both.
To my sister - you are my best friend and I feel so fortunate that you are my sister. I will always be there for you and your kids as you are for me and mine.
MIL - you're all right really (but please keep your fingers out of my baby's mouth and don't call her your baby). It is your husband with whom I have issues. Oh by the way, when the new baby arrives you will not be able to visit the first 5 days out of 7 as you did with LO - it was too much.
FIL - ahh, the crux of ALL my problems. Please keep your negative comments about how I feed my child to yourself. Please do not ask me again if I "feel like I have just got off a horse" when I am crying following a traumatic 24 hour labour. Please do not hold onto my daughter when she cries and definitely do not take her out of the room, it is YOU who is making her cry. Please do not pick her up constantly, especially when she is happily playing, she doesn't need such proximity to grandad's unwashed body. Please wash your filty hands. Please take a shower more regularly - this is not the 1950s. Please do not disregard my feelings and wishes and certainly do not dismiss me as her mother. We did not create her for you. If I had known that you contributing to our wedding would have meant you expecting me to go you my firstborn, we would never have accepted the money. Maybe I should pay you back.
If I am going to change LO's nappy, please do not tell me she is fine - I don't wait for a pooey nappy before I change her. And please don't tell me she is fine when she does actually stink of poo. Please don't try to wake my child when she is sleeping - remember when I did it to you and you hated it? Oh and lastly, please try to be gracious and congratulate us when we tell you were are having another baby, we will not be relying on you for any babysitting - only for baby-waking and baby-crying. The only positive thing I can say is that I think you do love your granchild. You just have a tormenting way of showing it.
Thanks for the vent ladies, very cathartic!!
OMG I could have written that lol, glad its not just me :P
So you're his other woman then?! And here was me thinking he was just at band practice!