Things you wish people had told you!! HELP!

Hi Girls

I hope you are all well.

I just thought I'd start a discussion aou the things that you wish people ahd told you before your first birth.

I imagine that there are loads of unexpected things that really can't prepare you for your first baby, and I don't know about you but not knowing is quite scary.. especially the birth.

I know from when I got married last August i organised things right down to the finest detail, but there were a few hiccups and things that happened I just didn't consider in the flurry and excitement of the day. For example, mum took off the rose corsage (that was the highlight of my dress) and forgott where it was (it was in the dress bag).. the flower girl and sister in law were very late becasue they got lost on the way, my veil wasn't pinned in properly and kept falling out right through the wedding ceremony.. blah blah, there were loads of little things.

What do you wish people had told you, or what happened you didn't think of?? DISCUSS PLEAE!

I'm really interested. XXX
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  • I wish someone had told me my baby was B2B and stuck before I suffered over 12 hours of agonising labour!

    B x
  • oh bless you, what is back to back??
  • I wish I was told really how amazing and wonderful having children is. I relly cant explain how much joy she has bought us. We would have had kids earlier! Im not saying its easy, quite the opposite but it is rather fabulous!

    Em x
  • I wish someone had told me to lean forward when weeing to stop it stinging after the birth! My mum told me when dd was 5 days old and it stopped me been petrified of going to the loo.. pouring water on it just doesn't cut it lol.

    I was lucky this time as didnt have stitches xx
  • Great advice ladies. X
  • i wish id been told just how much water comes out of you lol i remember having a tricke with my first and thinking that was it it was a bit of a shock when they really went lol
  • That breastfeeding is very hard work and can be painful, even when you are doing it correctly. Or if they did tell me, I didn't believe them! I spent the first three weeks thinking I was doing something wrong and starving my son, although he kept on happily gaining weight (and eating for England). Then I read Libby Purves's comments on breastfeeding and suddenly felt that I was totally normal again. I ended up feeding him for just over a year, something I'm very proud of given how hard I found it to begin with.
  • Totally agree with THG - I knew BF would be really hard work but nobody told me how seriously painful if would be. Also, I didn't realise how the old me would totally disappear and become replaced with Sara's mum, priorities totally change, overnight, its amazing.

    It is the best thing ever being a mum, but those first 3 months are blimmin hard work...didn't help that I had to stop BF and spent weeks beating myself up about it - if you do have to stop for whatever reason, don't feel guilty, happy baby, happy mummy

    xxx
  • B2B is when the baby is the right way up but facing in the wrong direction - towards your stomach instead of towards your back. It can be fine if they manage to keep their chin down but my LO seemed to have been having a good look around and had her chin stuck!
    B2B labours tend to be longer and more painful but it was all fine in the end.

    I totally agree with MrsM81 about the emotions - I was totally overwhelmed by joy and love for this tiny little person and regularly shed tears of joy. Even now, six months later I often shed a tear, especially when I'm looking at her when she's asleep. She's just so perfect and precious - she's my world and I would do anything for her - nothing else really matters as long as she's ok.

    I had no idea feelings of love like this existed - I miss her when she's gone to bed in the evening and get excited about seeing her again in the morning when she wakes up!

    B x
  • be prepared to be un-prepared! hate to sound like a cliche but nothing can prepare you for it.

    Having said that I wish I'd known:

    - that my under carriage would be sore for weeks afterwards (I don't know what I expected!?)

    - that its common for babies to throw up brown gucky stuff in the few days after birth (my DD did this 3 or 4 times on our first night home - I'd had her that afternoon - and I genuinely thought she was dying)

    - to have NHSdirect's number plastered on the fridge (phone them if you're not sure - they're GREAT. See above!)

    - that it's OK not to get dressed for days

    - that it's OK to say no to visitors

    - that when people ask if there's anything they can do for you say yes and get them to bring food and milk!

    - that you won't (and shouldn't expect yourself to) start to feel normal again until bubs is at least 12 weeks old!

    good luck hun

    xxxx
  • That everything you do and don't do will make you feel guilty and inadequate (and I speak as someone who is quite laid back, very fortunate not to have had any particular struggles with eg breastfeeding or sleep deprivation or PND, and generally enjoying motherhood very much).

    Never again will the worried feeling leave you - you are responsible for that little life and it is your full time job to make sure it's a happy little life. THAT makes you feel the weight of responsibility like nothing that's ever gone before.
  • I wish someone had told me how much you change when you have a baby and how much your relationship changes too. that was the biggest thing for me to deal with. A lot of people think having a baby will bring you closer together but sometimes it doesn't and you still have to work hard at your relationship even tho you have someone else the think about and are shattered all the time!!
    Also i'd suggest talking to oh about their views on parenting so there's isn't a conflct later on.
    I also agree with MrsM81 on the emotional upheaval
    I also wish i'd believed people when they said how tiring it can be and to SLEEP WHEN BABY DOES!! PLEASE SLEEP WHEN BABY DOES!!!!
    I also wish i'd knew how hard it was to get things done with a new born. you have this misconception that baby will sleep all the time and you can have this wonderful maternity leave getting loads of things done and being the perfect housewife and baking etc!! What a load of bull!!! id be lucky if i'd brushed my teeth by noon in the first few weeks!!!
    I also wish someone had told me how hard BF can be, and tiring!!

    On a plus note, being a mum is the most beautiful, precious, wonderful thing in the entire world and it just gets better and better!! My boy is nearly 3 now and I love him more and more each day. So much its scary!! xxx
  • That everything you do and don't do will make you feel guilty and inadequate (and I speak as someone who is quite laid back, very fortunate not to have had any particular struggles with eg breastfeeding or sleep deprivation or PND, and generally enjoying motherhood very much).

    Never again will the worried feeling leave you - you are responsible for that little life and it is your full time job to make sure it's a happy little life. THAT makes you feel the weight of responsibility like nothing that's ever gone before.

    ooooh thats a good one PTB, you are soooo right, I constantly question myself "how I have managed to keep this little life alive, happy and healthy for 3 years!!"
    I worry constantly about him!!
  • I wish someone had told me about GROWTH SPURTS! So that when Cam spent 48 hours feeding and crying and not sleeping aged 5 days I wouldn't have thought I was a terrible mother and didn't have enough breast milk to keep him happy!! image xx


  • Eek - claire a belle, if I think about the responsibility too much I start to feel a bit sick! And if I ever think about anything bad happening to either of them I feel like I'm falling into a black hole. Have to keep myself busy so as to not dwell on what MIGHT go wrong.

    Ok now I sound mad.
  • you're not mad at all honey!! I am exactly the same!! last week when it was really hot I opened lo's bedroom window a tiny bit one night then about 1am I woke up and envisaged him climbing up to window and falling out and finding him in a heap on the concrete path!!! so I had to get up and close it as I just couldn't rest!!
    Now lo has never climbed out of his bed in the middle of night EVER and he's nearly 3, let alone taken any interest in getting near the window, so the chances were very very low but once I got that picture in my head I just felt sick!!!
  • Not to try and second guess when lo will arrive. First baby, everyone in the family goes over, we'll be fine decorating first then moving into the new house exactly a week before my due date. Cue ds arriving 9days early and OH moving us in that day!

    Totally agree with the breastfeeding comment. Also wish I'd known that my mojo would be going AWOL,
  • Wish i had know in labour that when the baby starts bearing down it puts pressure on your bum and is reallt uncomfortable - for me this was worse than the contractions.

    Also - not to worry about the baby being covered in gunk when it comes out, as at the end of labour you will be so covered in blood, water, gunk yourself that you really wont care
  • Agree with the comments about breastfeeding - everyone told me it would be easy and wonderful and the best thing for baby - only after I gave up did they say 'Oh yeah, it is hard at first!' Grrrrr... perhaps if you had told me I wouldn't have felt like a failure and given up!

    I don't think I had any idea how much my life would change - and people did try to tell me. There is just no way to know until you are going through it yourself. It is wonderful but hard work all at the same time.
  • That when you have your first shower after giving birth there is A LOT of blood and (sorry TMI alert) your bits feel ten times bigger than normal!

    That if they they whisk your baby away to get them breathing it is the most terrifying 2 minutes of your life.

    That the first dirty nappy is overwhelmingly awful!!!

    That the love you feel from the second you find out you're pregnant gets stronger and stronger and stronger with every breath they take once they're born.

    That I would say the most ridiculous things whilst in labour...including telling my husband that if he had to choose between me and the baby living I would never forgive him if he chose me!

    That nothing you do feels good enough for that perfect baby, but it is and you have to try and believe that!

    That the first smile erases all the difficulty that comes before it.

    That the week after I gave birth I would desperately want to go through it all again and be jealous of every bump and newborn I see!

    That every baby is different and you cannot measure them against anyone except themselves!

    Enjoy it - every second of it, from the quiet times, to the 12th night feed in 7 hours! It does not last forever and you will miss it when it's gone, even the sleepless nights.
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