Do you think you can 'spoil' a baby?

I love carrying Gabe round in a baby carrier and snuggling him up on the sofa or napping in bed together. He has a bit of seperation anxiety and is teething badly so it is a comfort to him. These days he is held most of the day.Yet mil thinks I am spoiling him! Where do people get these ideas from?? To me, spoiled is when parents buy their kids whatever they want. I never thought you could 'spoil' a child with love......any insight?


  • everyone said that to me when lo was born- 'don't let him sleep on you, you will spoil him' etc and i listened and i regret it now as he will only sleep in his bed, which i know sounds good but if we are visiting or something he gets really upset because he can't go to bed, whereas most babies will sleep in your arms or fall asleep on a sofa or something Ellis never will!
    The only time he sleeps on me is when he is poorly and i love it and hate the fact that he's not happy to sleep on me any other time!
    I will be cuddling this baby as much as i want- don't listen to mil follow what you want and whats best for Gabe!

  • That must be a nightmare - my friends lo is the same, she is 1 and will only sleep on her mummy or in her bouncy chair NEVER in her pushchair so she finds it difficult when out and is always rushing home for Los naps! Im lucky as Gabe sleeps absolutely anywhere really...
  • yeah if i am at the shops and its nap time he just cries! he will sleep in the car on way home but usually wakes up grumpy- he loves his bed! lol

  • When lo was born everone kept saying 'dont let her sleep on you, dont carry her all the time, dont let her sleep in your bed, blah, blah, blah'
    At first i listened to them (only did for a couple of days) but wasnt happy doing it then hubby said we should do what makes us happy and even if they do get into a bad habbit we'll deal with it later and as they grow up so quickley we should just enjoy the times we share with our lo's. i feel he's right as they do grow quickley. We're always cuddling amara and she loves it. I'd say carry on.
  • If your happy I wouldn't worry about it. He is your son after all and whatever you decide to do with him is up to you. A lot of people say about your making a mistake bringing Kara into your bed. I probably am but when she wakes up in the middle of the night its hard to get her settled and once I bring her into our bed she goes straight back to sleep. I love waking up in the morning and her beside us and seeing her big smile. When she is old enough to understand I will deal with it then,
  • I feel like that, I know it's awful. I want Gabe to love mummy best. How selfish is that...before I had him I hated the way mums always seem to spoil their boys and turn them into mummys boys and now I've got one and will do anything to keep him that way mwahahha!
  • Lol. I want Lily to love me best. Hubby reckons she does cos of the looks she gives me and stuff. Every morning she only has eyes for me follwing me around the bedroom while I get dressed. Hubby laughs at her now as he has to move out of the way so she can see me!

    I don't think you can spoil them with love...I teach in one of the most deprived schools in the country and loads of the kids in my class crave love.

  • Couldn't agree more Tiger Lily-love my gorgeous little one and want him to stay just that way. We have secret little code when he's cuddling with someone else if he looks around for me and I'm cooking or something I just send him kisses (with a noise and smile in my voice) and he smiles at me. Hope that never stops! If that equals spoilt then yes he's ruined and staying like it!!xxx
  • I think anyone who says that is jealous because your baby prefers their mummy above anyone else.... We went out to a family meal last night Faye was really unsettled and colic'y, I spent the evening with my MIL who had a gob on because she didn't get to hold Faye but she was most settled when she was being either fed or held by me
  • I don't think you can spoil a child with love hugs kisses & sercuirty! x
  • I definately think you can "spoil" them with love etc but to be honest but I can think of no better way. I have also "spoilt" all 3 of my boys and nothing will stop me xxx
  • I love 'spoiling' frankie with love. I have her with me all day and love cuddling her and letting her nap on me.

    My mum 'spoilt' us with love. We would snuggle up in her bed or on couch. Me on one side, sis on the other and my brother in middle. I think thats the reason we are so close now. My mum still spoils me and i love it when she gives me big cuddles! I hope me and frankie can have a similar relationship.
  • My MIL reckons I spend too much time with my LO's. I'm a stay at home mom, thats what I want to do. I dont want to work and miss seeing my babies grow up!! She says they can't always be with me, and I'll be too clingy on them, as they will be with me. I don't agree at all, neither does OH luckily. He dislikes her as much as I do!! I leave them if I have to pop into the town, or go and have my haircut etc so I know I can. Kelsie also goes to my mums too sometimes. I'm a mummy's girl, and still at 22 I have a cuddle with mum whenever I see her. She has showered me with love from as early as I can remember, and her and Kelsie get on great and its lovely because I trust her implicitly.

    I say if you're happy and Gabe is happy then carry on. Can't see the harm in it!! I bet he loves knowing he has a mummy who loves him!!

    Ignore your MIL, they can be so bloody annoying sometimes! (No offence!!)


    [Modified by: garfield on December 18, 2008 11:07 PM]

  • My hv gave me an article after lo was born thats says that babies cant be spoilt until they are 9 months old and encouraged me to cuddle her lots if thats what she wanted and not to worry too much about her sleeping onme during the day.

    Louise naps on me during the day, people say to me 'do i nap when she naps' or 'you must get bits done when she's napping rather than relaxing yourself'...Nope - when Louise is sleeping I sit on BE and facebook and watch tv! lol

    i think we have to do what makes us mummy's and our lo's happy. I think it is wrong to spoil a baby with material things so that they think everything will always fall on thier lap, or if they always get thier own way, but spoiling them with love is a lovely thing to do.
  • My Mil doesnt understand the word spoil.

    She always wants the first cuddle when Ollie wakes up, which annoys me as its usually the ONLY cuddle i get all day, he prefers his dad to me.

    but he gets lots of cuddles and kisses and attention from us all, and I prefer that to giving him material things all the time.
    MIL seems to think that giving him a new toy or 5 everytime she sees him is only 'treating' him and doesnt understand that it is actually spoiling him... thats what grates on me. Especially as at 18 months he knws exactly what is happening!

    In answer to your qu, no you cannot spoil a baby with love, provided it is love and not just 'material' love (did that make sense?)

  • I dont think you can spoil a baby with too many cuddles. Isaac was a real cryer when he was younger and my mum and mil used to say oooh dont pick that baby up everytime he crys you will make a rod for your bak. What a load of tosh. I did pick him up becuase I couldnt bear to hear him cry, I carried him round loads in a sling and he turned into the happiest content baby you could imagine, I think it's becuase he is secure and knows that if he wants a cuddle he will get it, he doesnt have to moan or cry to get it he just lifts his arms up and says "guddle". Any way point out to your mil that he is a baby and he wont be a baby forever and all too soon he wont want a cuddle so you are going to enjoy it whilst you can.

    I found this poem on the internet and read it on my babys naming day, I think it sums the point of cuddles up exactly.

    It's 3am and they're asleep
    And no-ones here to see
    As we rock slowly back and forth
    My baby boy and me

    His little head is feather light
    Tucked underneath my chin
    I hold his tiny little hand
    And stroke his baby skin

    The house about us creaks and moans
    The clock hands creep around
    He snuggles close to me still
    And makes his baby sounds

    I love these quiet hours so much
    And cherish every one
    Store memories up into my heart
    For lonely nights to come

    All too soon he'll be grown up
    His need for mummy gone
    But untill then I have the time
    For kisses and a song

    Time for quiet hours like this
    With him snuggled in my arms
    Where I wish that he would always stay
    Protected safe from harm

    And yet I know the day will come
    When his tiny little hand
    Will be much bigger than my own
    He'll grow to be a man

    But untill then he's mine to love
    With no-one here to see
    As we rock slowly back and forth
    My baby boy and me.

    I love that poem but it always makes me cry when it says he'll grow to be a man.
  • What a beautiful poem, hayley!
    No, you can't spoil babies with love, and cuddles should never be rationed! As others have said, I think it is the material things you need to watch out for, otherwise they will think that if they want something they can always have it.
    At the same time though, I do like Beth to have lots of cuddles and kisses from all her relatives, not just me. So if someone is visiting they get automatic snuggling rights, and I make up for lost time later on! But it's wonderful when she looks around, sees me and gives me a big smile.
  • Awwwhhh Hayley!! Did you have to make me cry? :lol: Barney loces a cuddle, although he won't sleep on your knee, he has to be in his cot, but Millie has to be more or less forced to cuddle you. When she was ill last week I quite liked it as it meant she just wanted to sit and cuddle me!!
  • charlie sleeps in his own be as i know how hard it can be to get them into there own bed later as i ley just sleep with me and the older he got the more he did it till he was in my bed from 10pm - 9am.
    with charlie he is in his own bed from 6pm - 6am then we cuddle up on the sofa and he goes back to sleep till 8am i love those two hours and would love to do it all night but cant do it to my self again. he also spend most of his napping him on me like he is the now
  • That is the loveliest poem hayley & yes it has me welling up too! Waaaaa why do they have to grow up lol :cry:
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