What does your oh do with Lo?

As in, does he take Lo out on his own very often and if so where??
My oh has not bonded very well with Gabe at all, and I freely admit this is my fault. In the early days I had huge problems transitioning from Gabe being mine and mine alone (when I was pregnant) and other people getting to hold him, including his dad. I HAD to do all the feeds and changes and didn't let oh do anything. I really regret this, but I was bonding so well with Gabe and hormones were everywhere. It's only in the last few months that I feel comfortable with other people holding him etc!
Anyway, now, my oh just does his own thing. He works nights and I hardly see him in the week and he's busy in the day as well, what with the gym, seeing friends...and then at the weekends he's always working on his car, playing Xbox, and so on. It's really hard. I'd like us to have some 'family time' or for him to have some '1 on 1' time with Gabriel, but it's got to the stage now where Oh says he 'didn't want a baby anyway so you knew this was gonna happen'. I think he feels pushed out. And I really don't know what to do now!!!! He's gonna take Gabe to his nans today, and that will be the FIRST time in 10 months he's ever been out alone with him. What do your oh's do with your lo's?!
xx
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  • My oh spends a lot of time with lo at the weekend. He'll take her out for a walk maybe on both days so i get a bit of time alone either to chill or catch up on housework without a lo round my feet. He loves taking her out for a walk on his own!
    He'll also sort brekkie out for her so I can have a lie in (I always have to tell him what to give her though)!
  • We have 3 lo so its hard to do things on your own with all 3 but they all get 1 on 1 time with both of us. Oh takes dd and ds1 out with him when he takes the dog out and has both boys when i go to school for dd sometimes and has taken them into town but he struggles having all 3 but hes gonna have to manage as im in hospital in a week or two for a couple of nights getting my hernia seen to and getting sterilised at the same time. He's really hands on with the kids changes them dresses them gives bottles feeds them its great i dont have to nag him.
    vikki xx
  • My oh will get cameron up and will play with him while i do other things or feed him but generally i do everything. its just a given that i will do things and if i want him to do something i ask him. he will if i ask but doesnt take it upon himself really. which if im honest i am happy with as i like to be in control and make decisions etc. (control freak haha)
    he never takes him out on his own becasue other than work he doesnt do anything on his own ewcept occasionally playing footy. if he goes shopping we all go together so we do things all together on the weekend. he doesnt drive so wouldnt be able to take cam to his mums or anything anyway.
    im not sure how you can promote some one to one time between them really other than explaining exactly what youve explained to us here.
  • My husband is great, when he gets home from work he gives our LO a bath and puts her to bed. On Saturdays he takes her swimming in the morning with some other dads then looks after her for the rest of the day so i get a break.
    I think it's important for them to spend time together without me as I tend to take over if i'm there.
  • bluevicki - I think that's why my oh likes to take lo out without me as I'm always telling him what he should be doing etc!!!
  • I know!!! It's really difficult to bite my tongue which is ridiculous because he's brilliant with her, i just think i know best!!!
  • hi hun, sorry to hear that, maybe time on there own will help

    my oh very good, he has him when he gets back from work at 5 till bedtime at 8, accept for bathing him i do that. at weekends he does most of the changing,feeding etc, to be honest when jayden was first born i was struggling with being a mum and oh took over.. which made me not bond with jayden as quick.. untill i felt so pushed out and alone i nerly broke down since then oh has taken a step back, lol hes soo besotted with lo its soo nice to see, yeh we do things has a family every sunday we go to the carboot sale together and either a walk or a trip to the park, most sundays. xxx
    forgot to had- if jayden poorly or crying then im the one who has him, he needs his mummy then lol
  • my oh is good with them, he will play with them when he is at home and he looks after them when i am at work which means that he puts freya to bed 2 nights a week, if they needs a bath that night then he will do it so really he is pretty good. however he does need careful instructions and will not think to do things of his own acord i will have to tell him but he does them with out complaining. he doesnt really take them out much on his own other than to walk the dog but to be honest he doest have much chance as we share a car and if i am at work then he cant go any where as i ahve the car and there isnt really any where you can walk to around here andif i am home then we all go together. xx
  • i have to say my oh is fantastic. he suffers with seizures so cant do night shifts or look after him for too long on his own, but he does about half the feeds through the day, and we take turn at tea times, alternating cooking/lookin after lo. archie see's daddy as 'playtime' and me as his comfort blanket, so he saves his first smiles of the day for daddy, which melts my heart let me tell you. my oh really struggled to begin with too, i think its a man thing as us women already have a bond with our babies pre birth.plus babies dont really do much in the first 10-12 weeks apart from eat, sleep and cry lol, so men feel like they dont get a reaction or response from their babies if they pay them any attention.

    i suggest things they can do together, even if it just givin archie a bath, its still time they spend alone together. we have one family day a week where we dedicate the whole day to eachother and go swimming or to a play centre
  • My OH will do everything for the kids too, infact theres nothing he wont do. Washing, cooking, cleaning, ironing any housework. He'll quite happily do night feeds for Jack and does a lot for the children. I know I'm lucky too (although I wouldnt of said that last night :lol: ) We go out most days as a family since he has been made redundant as spending to much time at home drives us both crazy.

    Hope everything went ok with OH.

  • My OH will do everything for the kids too, infact theres nothing he wont do. Washing, cooking, cleaning, ironing any housework. He'll quite happily do night feeds for Jack and does a lot for the children. I know I'm lucky too (although I wouldnt of said that last night :lol: ) We go out most days as a family since he has been made redundant as spending to much time at home drives us both crazy.

    Hope everything went ok with OH.

  • Mine is pretty good. Sometimes needs a bit of prompting but mostly he does his fair share without me having to ask.
    I was gonna moan at him yest as I seemed to be doing all the feeds etc. When I asked what he was doing he said "emptying the washing machine" So I decided not to say anything after all.
    We try to half everything and then spend family time at weekends. But I know when I go back to work in a couple of months I'll stop leting him do so much as I won't b e spending so much time with lo and will want to do it all myself so we'll see how we get on.
    I have asked OH to start taking him swimming at the weekends so that they can have some father son time and I can have some me time. Fingers crossed it works. S x
  • Mine is pretty good. Sometimes needs a bit of prompting but mostly he does his fair share without me having to ask.
    I was gonna moan at him yest as I seemed to be doing all the feeds etc. When I asked what he was doing he said "emptying the washing machine" So I decided not to say anything after all.
    We try to half everything and then spend family time at weekends. But I know when I go back to work in a couple of months I'll stop leting him do so much as I won't b e spending so much time with lo and will want to do it all myself so we'll see how we get on.
    I have asked OH to start taking him swimming at the weekends so that they can have some father son time and I can have some me time. Fingers crossed it works. S x
  • My oh is great and is happy to help with th 'unpleasant' jobs as well as the playtime. We do quite a lot together (such as bathtimes) so he doesn't do too much on his own, but I only need ask. As he works I want to spend as much time with him as I can - which means spending it all together.
  • I was same. If i ever let anyone feed or change any of mine i was watching and would say if they did something that wasn't what i'd do. lol. To start with my oh didn't bond at all with Grace and it really upset me to the point where i said if he didn't change i would leave and take both kids with me. If there was a medical reason why he couldn't bond then i'd have handled it better but like you said, he just wanted his single life on his xbox, going out, and the rest so i pretty much exploded in his face and now its so nice to see how close he is with both of them and the little thing he has for each one of them. Ethan he usually has a little play fight which is just for him and Ethan and Grace he does a aeroplane around the house to the point where she's giggling and i stop him just to get her to breath again. lol.

    Hope the tiime with daddy goes well tonight and you do something to keep your mind amused and off it. lol

    Lisa xxx

  • my hubby doesnt really do much with jessica.

    when she was born he did help out with the night feeds and setteling her.

    but now, he doesn do the baby talk to her cause he said he feels silly. he'll do nappies and a feed if i ask.

    when its his day off he wants to rest. i cant remember what a rest feels like.

    i think its because he's never had any contact with babies until ours. so he had no idea whats involved. im sure he thinks babaies just sit there all good.

    i would talk to him but i hate confrontation.
  • my oh not home very much due to working away from home. it is hard for him when he does come home as Hayden grows and learns and changes so much in the time he is away that he sometimes dosen't know what to do. I had to ask him to take hayden out for half hour or so on sat just so i could get a bit of a rest in silence, he looked at me at first to say Are you seriuos i said yes, 24hr 7 days a week is not healthy ineeded a brake!!!
    After a rather crap night i said now does he appreciate why i am soooooooo tired most nights? He said yes.
    Don't worry your not alon not all oh are fab.
    love fiona and hayden on our own again;-(
  • He didnt take Gabe out in the end, he left him with his mum! Aaaargh, I despair.
    I can't believe how good some of your oh's are...I really can't! I know where all the good men are now ... you lot stole them all :lol:
    Bathing Gabe, reading his story, giving his bottle and putting him down has always been my job...which is odd as in a lot of households I know this is the 'man's job', my dad always did baths and bedtime stories with all his kids, same with my friends and their dads. Maybe it is different for girl and boy babies. Mummys boy and daddys girl, and all that, and Gabe def a mummys boy
    xx
  • my hubby is brilliant with Amy she is his little princess! I am really lucky he'll feed her change her play with her - he'll throw her around (aeroplane games!!) and she loves it!! He'll also doing cooking and cleaning we have always split things 50/50 and when i go back to work next wk everything will be split again. Amy loves it when daddy comes home from work he takes over while i sit down and watch them play - i love it!! xx
  • Oh yes Charlotte is definately Daddy's Girl!
    I've seen a t-shirt in Mothercare with that one and will get it for her.
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