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Judging other mothers
Just a Monday morning ramble...
Before I had Sam I was fairly judgemental about other mums. If I saw a baby crying in the supermarket I would judge the mother for not picking it up and stopping it crying. If I saw a mum feeding her baby from a jar I would wonder why she hadn't made food herself. If I saw a mum giving her LO a crumb of cake in a coffee shop I would judge her for giving her baby sugar etc etc.
Being a mum has COMPLETELY changed me! I now think that little things like bits of cake, the odd jar (even more than the odd jar - sometimes a whole day of jars!) and a baby crying for 10 minutes at the checkout are really nothing in the grand scheme of things. I do all these things! Of course, there are the 1% of mums who are abusive/neglectful and that is different, but aren't the majority of us just doing our best?
What are your thoughts? Have you changed how judgemental you are since actually having a baby? Or are you same - have you stuck to your original principles?
Before I had Sam I was fairly judgemental about other mums. If I saw a baby crying in the supermarket I would judge the mother for not picking it up and stopping it crying. If I saw a mum feeding her baby from a jar I would wonder why she hadn't made food herself. If I saw a mum giving her LO a crumb of cake in a coffee shop I would judge her for giving her baby sugar etc etc.
Being a mum has COMPLETELY changed me! I now think that little things like bits of cake, the odd jar (even more than the odd jar - sometimes a whole day of jars!) and a baby crying for 10 minutes at the checkout are really nothing in the grand scheme of things. I do all these things! Of course, there are the 1% of mums who are abusive/neglectful and that is different, but aren't the majority of us just doing our best?
What are your thoughts? Have you changed how judgemental you are since actually having a baby? Or are you same - have you stuck to your original principles?
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The only time I'd think that something was extremely wrong was if I saw a mother tell her child to "Shut the f*** up" or similar, things which I'm sure we've all seen! That never failed to disgust me. I also judge parents whose kids are actively rude too, but only if the parent is in eyesight or can hear and does nothing to correct it. All kids are probably rude etc out of sight and hearing of their parents sometimes!!
To give an example of what I mean, one fo my nieces is extremely rude. When we visit them she doesn't even bother to say hello to us, and just sits staring at the tele. If you talk to her just looks through you. She's only 6, so you can't even blame teenage hormones! Her parents (hubby's sister) don't seem to consider this as a problem, whereas if it was my little girl she'd be made to receive her aunts and uncles in at least a polite fashion! xx
I feed my lo jars as he flat out REFUSES to eat my food. Me and oh buy organic only and use farms and markets when we can. I have tried everything from blending to adding fruit and he still hates everything except egg and toast. I'm not a lazy person and it costs a fortune to buy him his food. The jars that I buy are also all organix or hipp organic because I am actually a bit of a food snob in the sense I will buy organic only when I can.
I spoke to my hv about the fact he'll only take a jar and she said she knew a few mums who had tried everything and still had to revert back to a jar. I've also had comments of 'oh I wouldn't give in, keep trying!' well I'm sorry but if I can satisfy his hunger now using food which is healthy I'd rather that than a battle of wits every meal. I'm not saying when he's older I'll feed him chips of he refuses everything else but it seems like jars are getting the same reputation as formula now and contrary to popular beleive it's not flipping poison!
never judged on jars ever and that hasn't chnged, same with cake etc.
However saw a heavily pregnant woman the other day smoking yelling obscenaties at her other child and felt sick!. That I judge!
Oh and I also don't get this living your dreams through your child, like the mum who pole dances with her 7 year old, and turning them into mini adults let kids be kids even if they do scream in supermarkets ettc
xx
I guess there were a few things I did judge a bit such as dummys (having used them for a few months to help with getting Fin to sleep I changed my opinion - but I still don't like seeing toddlers walking around with them!) and also thought I would never bring a baby into bed with me! Well having a nightmare sleeping child that soon changed and even now he comes into bed every morning for his first feed and I love it!
I do still however still feel very sad when I see people smoking when pregnant and I do judge when I see people yelling at their children and being unkind to them. It just makes me so sad
CG x
To be honest I wouldn't have judged before as I had no interest if that makes sense only when I fell pregnant and began reading about babies etc then I started to judge - it's more things like smoking when pregnant or round your kids ggggggggggrrr I want to dig the people that do it it really angers me - also cursing at your kids!!
My MIL's cousin was up and actually said to my son (then about 4/5) pick up those f**king cars- I cracked (he wasn't shouting he just talks and curses) I was like don't you ever speak to my son like that, his poor daughter was there and although only about 11 you could see she was embarrassed as she obv knows its wrong
coco - re the debate I'm lmao your very right I think if half of us gvae our opinions in the 'real world' there would be a lot of news reports about mummies and boxing matches at the local tesco/babygroup etc etc
On the other hand, i did feel a bit judgemental towards a family sitting near them. They had a young son and a baby who couldnt have been more than a month old. The little boy was eating sour cola bottle sweets which are coated in sugar - i do not have an issue with this but as im sure you're all aware, the sugar coating gets all over your hands with those sweets. He then grabbed the baby's bottle, pushed the teat inside the bottle, started shaking it and grabbing the teat with his whole hand, The dad then took it off him and wiped the teat with his fingers and then the mum wiped it with her fingers, put it in her mouth and walked around for a couple of minutes with it in her mouth before giving it to her baby. I guess there wasnt a great deal you could do once he'd got hold of it but still... bleurgh!
[Modified by: Pumpkin Pie on August 02, 2010 02:37 PM]
I honestly believed my son wouldn't tantrum if I showered him with love and affection!!
Now he is 17 months and I am 33 weeks pregnant with baby 2, and I have changed sooooooo much!
I fed Louis jars, and I let him cry now and then... especially if I had my hands full with things.
I do make home cooked food nearly everyday, but I also give him treats now and again.
He is slowly beginning the tantrums now, and although I feel pressured when out in public, knowing there are judgemental people out there (like I used to be) I cope far better than I thought I would!!
I have come to realise it is a developmental thing, and knowing that Mummy won't always give in to his demands is a good thing and shapes his personality.
I do however, look at some parents, in the kids groups we attend and feel bad for some kids... filthy, grubby hands and faces. A full nappy. Wearing dirty clothing.... it saddens me. xx
I've never judged about feeding etc in any sense, food-wise or BF/bottle etc.
The only other thing I didn't used to agree with is young babies/children out in pubs late at night - we'll have to see if I change my mind about that one as am no longer a great pub-goer! lol
I agree with this wholeheartedly i have to say its my biggest hate ...back to the op yes i do judge sometimes but i also try to talk myself into not being too harsh ...sometimes as a mum i feel we have to judge,is it not like an instinct to protect our children etc and if we see children coming to any harm or being mis treated our motherly instince kicks in? or is that just me .....i for instance just got home and i drove round the corner in to my estate to see a neighbours children out playing in the road ...one is 6 the other just 2! no mum around ....i walked in the house and announced to myself that some people dont deserve children ....scold me if you need too but imo a 2 year old should not even be out in the back garden totally unattended let alone in a street xxxx
I dont like seeing women smoking while pregnant or around their children but what if they have tried everything to quit and fail, I gave up smoking when I found out I was pregnant and havent started again but my husband has tried frequently and has failed every time.
Def wouldnt judge a woman for feeding lo jars or the women with the babies having tantrums as my lo at 9 months has mastered them beautifully and always at the wrong time
I remember when I had my ds1 and it was still ok to smoke in shopping centres etc 9I know only a few years ago) and this girl had a new baby in a gorgeous carrycot pram and was smoking her cig talking to the baby and actually blowing all the smoke on top of it??!!! disgusting!
Is it bad to say I completley judge my own mother for not having the willpower to give up smoking when she was pregnant with me? I kinda feel like she didnt care enough to bother and stop??? oh that sound horrible
Carly xx
My mil really annoyed me because she smoked all through her pregnancies but swears blind she didn't...whilst showing me pics of her 9mnths preg with a cig in her hand...wonders eh
But what I've found since having LO is that the person I judge the most is myself and often to my own detriment (doesn;t that sound holier than thou, I dont mean it like that) as I'm so worried that others will judge me I dont like to do anything that other mums can criticise (or I do and dont tell them so they cant judge...)
bottles of wine and 8pints of milk!
I wouldn't judge a chil having a tantrum but I
would judge a parent speaking inappropriately to a child, I wouldn't judge a child being given a bit of cake in a coffee shop but I would judge coke in a bottle. I have no problem with jars of food, there's a time and a place for them, but was in the hairdressers today and there was a child that must've been about 4, in a buggy being spoon fed from a jar. In answer to the op I think I'm a tad less judgemental seeing how easily things can be less than ideal but some things I will always judge x
When my ex sil was pregnant with both my nephews she smoked the whole way through her pregnancy and for some reason I never thought nothing of it, actually I proabably did but she was so scary I would't have said anything!! yet when my older brother asked me last year had I really stopped smoking or was I just saying I was to keep everyone happy I was really offended!!
Grizzlechops I think you are so right the one person I judge most is myself, what if my choices are not the right ones for Olivia, what if me deciding not to do something has a bad effect.
The one thing I have judged myself on this last few weeks is the fact that she is climbing up to stand and I am so petrified of her falling that I feel I almost hindering her development so today I forced myself to take a step back and let her do these things and she did fall and she got back up and did it again. In my head I keep thinking no she is only a baby she cant be doing this yet!!