would u ever??? possible debate !

hi ladies , well i have just been reading one of my pregnancy mags in the bath and there was a story about someone who had become a surrogate for someone else that they previously didnt know .......would anyone ever become /has been a surrogate for someone else .??would it have to be someone u knew or didnt know?? would u donate your eggs for someone???

i dont think i could be a surrogate as i think id get to close to the baby growing inside me but i think i could probably donate my eggs to a lady who couldnt produce her own ....is this the same as being a surrogate or different?

i just thought i would ask since its in my mind andits quite a debateable subject .......i cant imagine my life without my son and my new lo and i cant imagine how it must feel to be told that u cant have kids ,im only 25 in good health so would love to know im helping another couple fulfill there dreams by donating eggs but not sure how i would feel about biologically havin a child out there that isnt really mine if that makes sence! .................


lisa 36&3 xxxxxxxxxxxxx
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  • Its a very tough one! I would happily donate my eggs to help somebody else become a mother, no question. Although OH has said he wouldnt like the thought of a child coming in to the world that was biologically mine if we were never able to meet that child, and he would be uncomfortable donating his sperm for the same reason! So i probably wouldnt donate my eggs unless i had his support.
    Surrogacy is even harder! There are two ways of doing it, with your own egg or a donor egg. I would never do it with my own egg, as it would be too much for me to bear carrying a child that i knew was half mine and then have to hand him/her over. Using somebody elses egg i think i could do it, but only for close family, ie my sister, who has cerebral palsy and we dont know if her body would cope with pregnancy. So i would do it using her egg and her OH's sperm, and know from the off that i was carrying my niece/nephew. A bit like prolonged babysitting if you like! And i'd know that i would get to see that child grow up etc. I dont know if i could do it for somebody i dont know though. I have the utmost respect for women who do, what an amazing gift to give to somebody! xxx
  • hi, i am having a baby via a surrogate at the moment. we are currently 17 weeks and hopefully all will be well. i would not be able to have a baby any other way, so i am so grateful that some woman do do this.
    donating your eggs is not the same as being a surrogate. to be a surrogate you have to carry the child for someone else.
    and your right it is a very debateable subject.
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  • Ahhh firsttimer congratulations!! What an amazing lady your surrogate must be. Did you know her before or did you meet through trying to find a surrogate? Will you stay in touch after? Sorry, please say if i'm being nosy! xxxxxxxx
  • ah firstimer so u r livin this debate eh , i know that bein a surrogate is physically different i just meant mentally do people feel the same and where someone as a surrogate uses there own eggs AND carries the child as at which point do people feel the baby is "theirs".........can i also just say that i think to be a surrogate makes a person extremely special i would love to say i could do it to help someone but im just not sure i could , this mag article i read also said the law here is very strict with rules etc...........good luck firstimer i wish u both the very best xxxxxxx
  • oh lordy i just read back what i wrote that sounds awful"your livin this debate"sorry didnt mean for it to sound like that , i mean u are experiencing something that lots of people only ever read about and only sometimes think about ..........congratulations from me too i forgot to say that (baby brain!!)...........xxxxxxx
  • I think it is great for someone to donate their eggs, I would defintely do it if it mean't helping someone have a baby who couldn't any other way. x
  • I have thought about this alot and if my sisters needed a surrogate - i wld be it for them without even thinking.

    I dont think i wld donate my eggs to strangers though, as i read a piece in a mag and apparently that child can come and find you at a later stage. And I just think it wld be rather weird if they found you as all you really did was produce an egg you are not 'really' their mummy. If the law changed to keep it private i certainly wld look into it!

    xxx
  • I would be a surrogate for someone else as long as it was their egg and his sperm - then all I am is an incubator.

    This is a subject close to my heart as my best friend's sister has difficulties concieving and she is undergoing all sorts of treatments at the moment. My best friend has offered to carry for her if this as all failed at the risk of her own health as when she had her 2 kids her body tried to reject the pregnancies.

    Me and my husband said if and when we are all done and we have the family we want and she still hasn't got her baby. We would sit down and discuss it with her. Its not a decision we have told anyone (apart from now) but I just think how much I love the fact I am carrying my child in me and to be able to carry a child for someone who can't so they can experience the joy would be a very special thing to do.
  • dippymummytobe ,you are right its so special and i find it facinating(sp!)that people have different views of what they would "prefer"to do as i would be happier to donate my eggs as i wouldnt see this as my baby but just healthy eggs and yet it could provide someone with a family they have always wanted yet i couldnt be a surrogate as this is so much harder especially if u have a hard pregnancy ? i think being a surrogate is so much more special than donating egss although obviously both need careful consideration and the backing of ure family ..........i do think the law means that less people do it than would if u could remain anonymous where egg donation is concerned ........such a facinating subject xxxx
  • i would be a surrogate and or donate eggs. knowing how much i love my kiddielumps and knowing that i could help someone feel the same would be all it took for me to make that decision. it would be easier to be the incubator rather than using my own eggs, but like in the case of firsttimer, that isn't always an option and i would still be prepared to do this. in the case of the new law change, if i was approached by a child that was biologically mine, i would hope that by the age of 20 they would be old and mature enough to understand the reasons behind the surrogacy/egg donation, and that i was giving their parents a chance at parenthood that they may previously not have had.
  • hey [email protected] really i think that u must be a very kind selfless person to say u would do either and i suppose u are right by the time there old enough to "find"u they should understand the reason behind it as its soooo far away from adoption etc isnt it , i suppose although i think a person should be able to remain anonymous maybe the child in the future might need to know there biological mother for health reasons e.g when ure pregnant blood group etc(reason i say this is cos im a neg blood group) xxxxxxxxx
  • hi lynz, thanks! no the surrogate was a stranger to us and we have built up a relationship as we have gone along. yes we will stay in touch after.

    hi chuffedbaby, yeah a surrogate is an extremely special person. and yes the uk is very strict on the rules. which magazine were you reading? was it a recent one?
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  • thanks doushka, and it is a little girl we are having! wow that is a miracle baby, i am so happy for you. we did look into adoption, but found it can take years. and now the birth family are encouraged to stay in touch with the child, to write letters and have visits. i was not sure i could have coped with that. but everyone is different. i am just so glad we have found a surro. good luck with the rest of your pregnancy. take care.
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  • yes firsttimer its pregnancy and baby february 09 edition its on page 50 ,i was just fascinated by the story which is why i brought it up on here because from what i can gather they didnt know each other and now there best friends , how lovley for the baby and both families , i actually cant believe the law is so strict , i guess ive been a bit nieve with it all really and even though ive thought about egg donation once ive had my children id never read enough about either surrogacy or egg donation........xxxxxxxxxxxx
  • we did look into adoption, but found it can take years. and now the birth family are encouraged to stay in touch with the child, to write letters and have visits. i was not sure i could have coped with that.
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    I didn't know that! Forgive me if this is a contraversial opinion but I think thats wrong. If you make the decision to give up your child then surely thats it, you can't choose to give it up unless you fancy going to the zoo or having a pen pal!

    If we ever had to adopt then I would hate that the biological parents could stay in touch, I would be giving my everything to raise a child, something they chose not to do, why should they reap the rewards of my hard work?

    Wow I never realised I had such strong opinions on the subject.

    On the topic of the OP I think people who give themselves as surrogates are amazing people but selfishly I am not sure I could ever do it! I would like to think that I could but when it came down to it I think carrying someone elses child would be heartbreaking when you had to hand the baby over at the end, perhaps I could do it for a family member so I knew the baby would be in my life forever!

    As for donating eggs I think I could do that but I do think you would wonder every time you saw a child that even looked remotely like you or your own children.

    Right so I think we have established I am selfish, opinionated and suspicious lol!!

    4+1
  • thanks chuffedbaby, i think i will buy that magazine now. but yeah me and our surro are going to stay in contact after. we have both even mentioned baby number 2 already, but who knows. i think the law is so strict to protect both the surro and the parents. but yeah the law on egg donation has recently changed, were you are not allowed to be anonymous anymore and the child can now trace you. that has put a lot of woman off donating their eggs now.

    hi miss impatient, i know what you mean. when we were looking at adoption and at the bottom of the profile of a child it would say so many visits or letters a year. some were even with the grandparents. i just thought it would be too confusing for us.
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  • tallkatie, that is horrific, I am so sorry for your loss. I wasn't referring to cases like that I just meant people who choose to give their baby away shouldn't be allowed to change their mind and decide to have contact with them in the future.
    In the case of your Dad thats obviously completely different and I am shocked and appalled he wasn't allowed to see them!!
  • gosh it really can be so controvesial eh ........i think people give children up for adoption for so many different reasons some are not always straight forward as u say katie ,its so sad that your dad wasnt given the opportunity to be a dad to his children and perhaps thats why the law stands as it does where contact must resume , i have freinds who have adopted a little boy and he has no contact with his natural parents now but can when he is 18 and i know that although my friend will help him and support him this will hurt her deep down that she has done all the hard work by then ...................

    just a question regarding surrogacy if u dont mind me asking firsttimer ....how does it work legally with your baby is the baby legally ure biological child therefore u are automatically her parents or do u have to "adopt"(sorry i know thats not the right word)her afterwards?im sorry to sound so nieve im just so intrigued? xxxxxxxxxxxx
  • i would love to be a surrogate mother, i know (like most on here) the wonders of having children and i would do my utmost to help another women feel that pleasure as much as possible. my husband wouldnt be kind on the idea but i did tell him beofre we got together that it would be something i would highly consider and he said he would support that as long as we had finished having our family first.
    as for adoption, i would love to apdopt a child too (see i love kids!) but they way some children are taken into care is appaling and this is what puts me off at the moment. my sisters partener had 2 children with his ex wife, she had them put into care when they dirvorced and as he didnt have his own home at the time and what they(social services) seen as a good job he wasnt allowed to keep them. after they had had their 2 children he had the snip so him and my sister wont be having children plus he is very honest about it all and says,yes maybe they are being looked after by someone who is doing a better job than he could BUT shouldnt he have been given a chance?!
    my sister doesnt want children, in her words "im far to selfish to have children,i love my freedom,i love my clean house and i love my job,i dont feel incomplete without them"
    they have a great life but the sadness shows in her parteners eyes when he is playing with my daughter.
    if they decided they did want children i would do whatever i could to help them in a heartbeat.
    my mum said to me before i had my daughter,that once i was a mum myself i wouldchange my mind about being a surrogate but if anything it has made me want to do it more. (thing is im only 23 and nowhere near finished with my family yet)x
  • hi chuffedbaby, no i do not mind you asking. we have to go to court and get a parental order. the "birth" mother signs her rights away to me and i am put on the birth certificate as the birth mother. you have to do this within 6 weeks to 6 months, after then it is to late. the surro then has no control over the child. so no there is no adoption involved.
    xxxxxxx
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