I went to the cab but they were busy and asked me to book an appointment, so I will sort that out a.s.a.p.
I am not frightened of him as I dn't believe he would be stupid enough to be violent etc basically I want us to get counselling either together or he needs to have it alone those are my terms and if he wants to save our rrelationship he will go along with them, if he doesn' then he won't and we will have to work from there.
Does that sound reasonable? I have never said anything nasty to him and always been willing to comprimse but now i feel it's my turn to make myself clear. xx
we I did 2 years of a social work course hun and just to reasure you they are not going to take a child off a mother because she may or may not of had a lesbian relationship and actually they have lesbian foster carers so not to worry in regards to that! I'd keep any evidence of his threats babe just let people know around you not trying to frightenern you but if he feels like his got nothing left to loose he may be stupid!
remain strong luv, i am so sorry you dont have more support around you!
I wonder what is going on for him right now that this behaviour is happening? did he do simular things before you got pregnant?? xx
Hey Caz, Have been out to see midwife and missed loads of this! You are doing the right thing. There was a suggestion that you set people up to ring you at certain times - I have had to do this in a previous relationship that was not violent but for some reason I knew that particular day he was not going to see reason only red! Also he is acting like a jealous toddler! If he is like this now - what is he going to be like when lo is born. You will have more than enough on your plate without worrying what frame of mind he is going to be in all day! I dont think there is any dispute from anyone that you want what is for the best but he has pushed things too far asking you to get rid of the baby. Pure jealousy and wanting all your attention. Please think seriously about whether you want to look after a baby (who needs you) and a man acting like a toddler! You and baby come first. Also, you could have finances, etc sorted out now before lo is here - is he going to keep threatening and/or leave when lo is born? Then you will be in a worse position trying to sort it all out with a newborn. Good luck in whatever you do, will support any decision you make. Love Lee xxxxx
yup he was very similar before i was pregnant. we have just been on the phone for 20 mins and i don't know if we have achieved anything but we will carry on talking when we get home, work are trying to send me home cos I am all puffy eyed and weepy. There are lots of things that need to be thought and talked about so we will see how it goes. I don't want to feel like this anymore.
Hi hun, I just wanted to say that him going is for the best - you don't deserve to be talked to in the manner he talks to you, it's totally unacceptable, even more so when you are carrying his child in your tummy.
I feel so awful for you, having to go through this at a time that should be one of the happiest in your life - but you're right not to be afraid of being 'on your own'. It's much worse to be stuck in a loveless or abusive relationship, and based on some of the things he says to you you're definately suffering from verbal abuse at the very least.
You & your baby deserve to be in a 100% loving, caring & supportive relationship and that's definately not what you have now. It sounds like your husband has a lot of issues of his own and they aren't your responsibility. Put you & your baby first hun - you definately deserve better. Sending you hugs & best wishes xx
If work want to send you home, then go. You need to get your head round what you want and what you want from him than sitting there going over and over. Why does he keep having these out burst? maybe him and my ex where cloned at birth! you need to tell him what you want and if he cant deliver then show him the door. Does he still speak to the other woman?
Seriously, if you're meeting him tonight be aware of your physical AND mental wellbeing, cos he'll probably try to mess with your head. I suspect he probably doesn't know himself what he wants, but is trying to push the blame on to you. I'd take anything he says with a big pinch of salt (especially if it's nice), because he may well turn round & say the opposite tomorrow, or next week, or whenever. Just because you know someone has a problem doesn't mean you have to take their sh*t!! I think part of the reason I stayed with my ex for so long even though I was so unhappy was because I felt sorry for him - he had 2 children from a previous relationship, & used to emotionally blackmail me by saying he didn't want to lose our daughter like he had them. Try to stay strong, you're doing amazingly well so far. It will be worth it in the long run!
Hun have you eve thought about counciling for your self the reason I ask is because as much as you want to you cant change anyone else.. There must be some damage done to you by him and perhaphs pervious issues that allow you to accept somebody treating you awfully even tho you know its wrong. Its not for every one just a suggestion as some people can find it a really good sourse of support and a netural place to clear there head especially if you are lacking a good support net work around you luvvy! I know you just want things to be okay but be careful about how much your willing to put up with encase that might be able to happen... try setting VERY FIRM BOUNDRIES about what your willing to acept even when its really hard and he is being lovely to you to try and under mind what it is you have set in place yeah! xxx
Sorry I didn't reply yesterday I went home from work and went to sleep for about four hours.
He came home and we had a chat, neither of us got angry but both of us got upset, believe me I tried not to cry but it is easier said than done (especially when pregnant). I wouldn't say everything is sorted yet as I would be lying to myself, but he is going to stay at his dads for the weekend and give me some space.
I wrote down all the nasty things he ha said to me in the past and showed them to him and ask him to tell me if he thought it was something you should say to someone, obviously he said no.
I'm not going to give up on my marriage but I have to think about what is best for me and lo, we have a lot of work to do and we both are willing to do it for the sake of our relationship so hopefully we can eventually get something sorted out.
caz, sorry its taken so long for me to get online this am. this is my m07894873300 if you want to text over the weekend. I know what you are going through. The space might do you both some good. you know where I am if you want to chat Lottie
I was thinking about u last nite and wondering if things had been sorted, i know its not where u can wave a ward and make it all ok!, its great that u both are talking and hes giving u space to work it out in ur head as its best for both of u.
I really do hope things will work out between u both as i have been there myself with my oh and we really did sorted it out and we are happy than we did before!!
I have left u my email addy if u want to email me to moan or ask any questions am happy to help.
We are trying really hard to sort things out. Thank you for thinking about me
I just keep crying at the moment, its a mix of pregnancy hormones and the situation. I can't make excuses for the way he has behaved but it doesn't stop me loving him, he is just a stupid arse! I do hope everything works out but I don't really know what else to say. We need to sit and talk again next week and see how we can progress from there.
Thank you for the email address hun, its nice to know I have people to talk to.
Replies
I don't have msn I'm afraid, but I appreciate your support, I need help to stay strong so thank you
I am not frightened of him as I dn't believe he would be stupid enough to be violent etc basically I want us to get counselling either together or he needs to have it alone those are my terms and if he wants to save our rrelationship he will go along with them, if he doesn' then he won't and we will have to work from there.
Does that sound reasonable? I have never said anything nasty to him and always been willing to comprimse but now i feel it's my turn to make myself clear. xx
remain strong luv, i am so sorry you dont have more support around you!
I wonder what is going on for him right now that this behaviour is happening? did he do simular things before you got pregnant?? xx
Have been out to see midwife and missed loads of this!
You are doing the right thing. There was a suggestion that you set people up to ring you at certain times - I have had to do this in a previous relationship that was not violent but for some reason I knew that particular day he was not going to see reason only red!
Also he is acting like a jealous toddler! If he is like this now - what is he going to be like when lo is born. You will have more than enough on your plate without worrying what frame of mind he is going to be in all day! I dont think there is any dispute from anyone that you want what is for the best but he has pushed things too far asking you to get rid of the baby. Pure jealousy and wanting all your attention.
Please think seriously about whether you want to look after a baby (who needs you) and a man acting like a toddler! You and baby come first. Also, you could have finances, etc sorted out now before lo is here - is he going to keep threatening and/or leave when lo is born? Then you will be in a worse position trying to sort it all out with a newborn.
Good luck in whatever you do, will support any decision you make.
Love Lee xxxxx
we have just been on the phone for 20 mins and i don't know if we have achieved anything but we will carry on talking when we get home, work are trying to send me home cos I am all puffy eyed and weepy. There are lots of things that need to be thought and talked about so we will see how it goes. I don't want to feel like this anymore.
C
xx
I feel so awful for you, having to go through this at a time that should be one of the happiest in your life - but you're right not to be afraid of being 'on your own'. It's much worse to be stuck in a loveless or abusive relationship, and based on some of the things he says to you you're definately suffering from verbal abuse at the very least.
You & your baby deserve to be in a 100% loving, caring & supportive relationship and that's definately not what you have now. It sounds like your husband has a lot of issues of his own and they aren't your responsibility. Put you & your baby first hun - you definately deserve better. Sending you hugs & best wishes xx
you need to tell him what you want and if he cant deliver then show him the door. Does he still speak to the other woman?
Try to stay strong, you're doing amazingly well so far. It will be worth it in the long run!
Sorry I didn't reply yesterday I went home from work and went to sleep for about four hours.
He came home and we had a chat, neither of us got angry but both of us got upset, believe me I tried not to cry but it is easier said than done (especially when pregnant). I wouldn't say everything is sorted yet as I would be lying to myself, but he is going to stay at his dads for the weekend and give me some space.
I wrote down all the nasty things he ha said to me in the past and showed them to him and ask him to tell me if he thought it was something you should say to someone, obviously he said no.
I'm not going to give up on my marriage but I have to think about what is best for me and lo, we have a lot of work to do and we both are willing to do it for the sake of our relationship so hopefully we can eventually get something sorted out.
Onlt time will tell I suppose.
Caz
xxx
sorry its taken so long for me to get online this am. this is my m07894873300 if you want to text over the weekend. I know what you are going through. The space might do you both some good.
you know where I am if you want to chat
Lottie
Thanks for the mob number, I really don't know whats going on it's driving me crazy.
How are you though?
C
xx
I was thinking about u last nite and wondering if things had been sorted, i know its not where u can wave a ward and make it all ok!, its great that u both are talking and hes giving u space to work it out in ur head as its best for both of u.
I really do hope things will work out between u both as i have been there myself with my oh and we really did sorted it out and we are happy than we did before!!
I have left u my email addy if u want to email me to moan or ask any questions am happy to help.
How long have u guys been married for now?
lots of love and thoughts
Carly 39+5 xxxxxxxxx
We are trying really hard to sort things out. Thank you for thinking about me
I just keep crying at the moment, its a mix of pregnancy hormones and the situation. I can't make excuses for the way he has behaved but it doesn't stop me loving him, he is just a stupid arse! I do hope everything works out but I don't really know what else to say. We need to sit and talk again next week and see how we can progress from there.
Thank you for the email address hun, its nice to know I have people to talk to.
Caz
xx