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Gave birth to my sleeping beautiful boy xx



  • Chamilto, Jacob sounds so very precious. That is lovely that you have moulds of his hands and feet, similar to Phillisdsa I wish I had mentioned that. Harley had very long fingers like his dad! 

    I am pleased to hear labour progressed quickly for you and that your husband was really supportive. 

    With regards to after pains I wasn't too bad although I am aware that if you have given birth before they are supposed to be worse, hope they settle for you soon. 

    Harley kept having nose bleeds I didn't know if this was common so apologies for not mentioning it. 

    I would be honoured to see a photo of little Jacob 


  • Also meant to say my heart goes out to you as saying goodbye is the hardest thing in the world xxx

  • His hands stayed so pink, while I was cleaning his eyes they opened and he had gorgeous blue eyes like his big brother. Xx

  • May god bless you and your child.

    All the strength and support for you

  • Oh lovely photos Chamilto. They are just so lovely. And so much hair as well! 

    I'm so glad that you have these photos, you will treasure them, I'm sure.

    I never got to see Huw's eyes. I can't believe I didn't even think of that!😞 

    I know that this has probably been one of the most difficult times but you sound like you have an amazing support network and husband. And while the next few weeks and months will be difficult you will have this amazing support to carry you through.


  • I didn't want to open his eyes as I thought maybe they would be rolled back but while I cleaned them they opened a little and that's when I saw. 

    he was so hairy! Lol his ears had thick dark hair on them lol oliver was really hairy and still is. 

  • Oh look at him!!! He's beautiful! His feet are so adorable! Lots of love and strength to you. I like to think that all the babies who pass reunite together xxx

  • Things just seem to be getting easier and then something brings everything crashing down again. 

    Oliver was watching milkshake and on the birthdays there was a Jacob. Oliver said my little brother is called Jacob. I'm so glad he still realises he still has a little brother he's just a brother in heaven watching is instead of being with us. 

    Im so worried about my husband I think he's really blaming himself as oliver isn't his and oliver was ok xxx 

  • Hey hun, the first few weeks are the darkest. It's like riding the waves, you will crash but you will rise again. 

    That is so touching that Oliver said that, what a lovely little boy. Of course you know he has a little brother in heaven but it's nice that he knows too. 

    Really sorry to hear your husband is blaming himself. I think men can feel like that sometimes, I  remember my OH saying to me something like. I feel awful it was me who has wanted to have children with you and raised it (I wanted to wait until I'd finished my masters) and now you have to go through all of this and don't get to bring our baby home at the end of it. I put him straight right there that this was nobody's fault as I'm sure you have done. 

    I would tell him to look at Sands or other resources as they will probably help and assure him he's not the only one feeling the way he does. 

    There are no words to describe what has happened to us so don't feel bad if you find yourself frustrated with people. 

    We are always here xxx

  • Hi ladies 

    I haven't been on in a while, hope your all doing ok? 

    it was Jacobs funeral last Thursday and it was a perfect send off we were overwhelmed by the friends, family and midwifes who came to support us there was nearly 100 people there! We had the song gone too soon by daughtry played and it was lovely. Oliver said goodbye to his coffin and blew him a kiss and told him he loved him. 

    I have had a rather bad week this week but I think its my husband being back at work so I really have been on my own giving me lots and lots of time to think! I go back to work next week part time it's going to be extremely hard as I work with children and a couple of mums had babies at the same time Jacob was born. 

    Its safe to say we thought about our darling boy everyday and we have a shelf in our living room with am his bits on and his casket. We've also sent some ashes off to ashes into glass. 

    Hope your all doing well xx

  • imageimage

    To involve our son he sent balloons up to heaven for his baby brother to play with xxx 

  • Hi ladies, so sorry I have just seen the latest messages. Chamilto I can not express my sadness for what u have had to experience. I love the pictures they mean so much and Jacob

    looks adorable. Don't ever feel u can't show pictures of your boy I would always love to see them. I found talking about Harry so useful, he was and is my special boy. I wanted people to realise I had a baby and he was mine he was here albeit for a very short time. His footprint may have been small but his imprint lifechanging and significant . I like to think that all Angel baby's are playing together  xxxx

  • Chamilto - so glad you had such a lovely senb off. It really seems like you had a lovely celebration of his life, as short and heartbreaking as it was.

    I'm so glad you had these very special memories.

    The transitions can be really hard. Time is really the greatest healer. Just make sure you give yourself all the time you need.

    So glad to hear from you again Born Sleeping. How are you doing?

  • Hi phillsda, I am doing ok, been keeping myself busy really, thrown myself into work and been organising a fundraiser for the stillborn baby suite at my local hospital. This has helped me massively. How are you? Xxx

  • Oh so glad to hear that.  I went back to work 6 weeks after I lost Huw it was a great  distraction. I had intended to do something positive too, however life has just got in the way!

    I'm struggling a bit at the moment.  We received the incident report from the hospital who said that he should have been delivered 4 hours earlier and that they had staffing issues and the ward should have been closed because it was unsafe. I just can't believe this happened at a major London hospital! !!

    We areally meeting with a solicitor next month to start  legal proceedings against the hospital following their admissionsite in their own report. 

    Also 8 weeks after I lost my son my husband had a major stroke. He is home now but is had to learn to walk, eat, drink and is still having to learn to talk, write and spell. He also has some memory problems and his right arm doesn't work properly although this is progressing.  He is likely neve going to work or drive again which is pretty upsetting for us all. Hopefully he can progress to the point where he can be a stay at home dad and look after our future family. But through all this we both still have each other which is great! Just trying to take one day at a time.

    I jus

  • Thankyou born sleeping and im sorry for the loss of your Harry! I also believe they are all playing together somewhere  I read a lovely story about what if Peter pan was actually an angel and he took children that had passed to neverland where they never grow up and have loads of adventures of pitates, mermaids and fairies. 

    Im completely the same and want people to realise jacob was a real baby although he only lived inside me. Ive had a big falling out with my best friend she thinks that I need to stop dwelling on it and get on with my life but what hurt the most is she never bothered to come to Jacobs funeral which I cant forgove her for. Some people compare loosing a baby to loosing a grandparent or parent it's completely different when you loose your grandparent the only thing in your life that changes is there is one less person init when you loose a baby all your hopes and dreams are your entire future are changed in a instance i still cry my eyes out everyday What gets me through is all the stories of peopls having babies after loosing and dream of the day im holding Jacobs healthy baby brother or sister. 

    sorry to hear about your husband philisdaets hope for a better year next year things can't get any worse surely!! 

    That must be bery difficult to hear the results and im hiping you get somewhere with the solicitors my mother in law keeps trying to blame our hospital but there was nothing they could do the monitoring the day before was perfect there are a couple things i think they should have done like when I had my 36 week scan they said my waters were in th normal range but low in the scale. So if it was my placenta that failed they could have picked it up if they'd done another scan a week later to check the water levels again. And then I had high blood pressure since 32 weeks but they never bothered to give me anything to control it saying it was because I was nervous at the hospital :-/ long waiting game for the post mortem results xxx

  • Chamilto, it looks like you had a beautiful send off for your Jacob - and the balloons were a beautiful tribute. I'm pretty lost for words about what your best friend did, maybe she doesn't know how to deal with the situation? Hopefully getting back to work will be a good distraction, please let us know how it goes, won't you?

    Phillisdsa, we're so glad to hear your hubby is home and he's making progress. You are such a strong wonderful woman - thank you for the update, we've been thinking about you. So sorry to read about the hospital's admission, and that maybe this could have been prevented - horrifying. Please keep us posted on what happens with the solicitor?

    Born sleeping, you did a wonderful thing organising the fundraiser. We hope it goes really well. 

  • Phillsda, oh gosh u have really been through the wars sounds like u have had such an awful time of late. Big hugs to u. So glad your husband is making a steadily recovery. Keep me posted about your case against the hospital, u are one strong lady and i truly can't not believe that in this day and age hospitals make such catastrophic faults that cost a precious and very dear life. Please don't hesitate to chat if you ever need an ear. Chamilto i cant believe your friend did not attend your jacobs funeral!!! However I can appreciate inconsiderate comments, a lot of my closest friends had baby's the same time that I lost Harry and I would be sent pictures of them all on mat leave at the park with their new baby's. I would want to through the kindle out the window! Hopefully she starts to see how inconsiderate she has been xxx

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