Postnatal depression

Hi guys, i just wanted to start a thread about pnd as i think it is highly underrated on this site and i think it would be good to chat to other mums with it. My name is Diane and my little girl is almost 14 weeks old. I was diagonsed with pnd a couple of months ago and im on antidepressants for it. I feel much better now but at the start i felt so guilty because i didnt feel "NORMAL". I would love to catch up with anyone who has suffered or is suffering with this as i find a good chat can help. xxx
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  • hi diane. my names penny and i ahve 5 kids - 8, 7, 4, 2 and half and archie who is 7 months. i have suffered from it after all 5 of my babies. after my 3rd was the worse. the biggest thing to helping yourself get over it is to accept that you have got it in the first place. thats what i found hard as i didn't want people thinking i was a mental case and couldn't look after my kids. but this was just the point . my kids are always immaculatly turned out and always at school on time, and all my friends always comment that they don't know how i do it with 5 kids. but i do. but secretly inside i am screaming HELP ME!!!! it's just me that suffers and my kids and hubby are all ok. i get no time to my self not a minute. even my baths are a rushed job. thats what gets me down. somedays are better than others. i have never taken anti depressants but have been given them by the doc. i just couldn't bring myself to put it in my mouth, so i ahve always struggled to egt rid of it. but in the ned i have, i still feel down now 7 months after having my 5th baby but still have that shadow over me and stigma that i have chosen to have 5 kids so just go get on with it.
    sorry to rant on but i feel better for getting that off my chest.xxxx
  • How can you tell if you are suffering with pnd and not just down?
    I've been unable to pick myself up since Maddie was born nearly 6 months ago and keep thinking about seeing the doc but then i have a couple of days where things seem normal again so decide to leave it.
    With pnd is everyday bad?
    Sorry to ask hope you don't mind, i keep telling myself that it definately can't be but some of how i feel just oh i don't know how to explain really sometimes i just feel wrong.
    Hope that makes some sense and i don't just sound like a complete looney, i don't know anyone who has had pnd but i did suffer with depression when i was younger and the hv mentioned it when i was first out of hospital but i am not good with talking about how i feel so slapped a smile on my face and got on with it (i find chatting like this so much easier because no-one knows me).
    Don't know if i could sit and tell gp everything.
    Any advise would be great.
  • Hi Pen and Sillymoo, Pen im sorry to hear you have suffered with this with all 5 babies. Its hard work being a mum without the extra pressure of pnd.
    Sillymoo i do have good days and bad days. I know when i get up in the morning what its going to be as i hate getting out of bed when Ellie is looking up. Thats a bad day, it just keeps getting worse. I dont hate doing things for her i just find everything much more of a struggle. I feel like its a hard job doing everything and cant wait till hubby gets home so he can take over. Pen like you, Ellie is always immaculate and is never dirty or grubby, she is a picture every day in a dress or whatever. I never have her just in a babygro, its as though if i keep her dolled up then people wont suspect me of having pnd. I didnt tell my mum or family as they are the type that would tell you not to be stupid and just to get on with it. OH has been good lately and doing more to help.
    I also found it hard telling my gp, HV still dosnt know! At first they told me to do something every day away from the baby so i started walking and found that made things worse as i couldnt wait for hubby to come home so i could leave. It got so bad that one morning Ellie was crying before hubby left for work and he asked was i not going to get her and i just screamed that i was bloody tired and cant he do it. He said no as he was going to work and i just sat on the floor and cried for an hour. I then realised i needed help. I didnt want my gp thinking i was a bad mum but he was great. He explained that so many people go on with pnd and dont face it and that is harder to cope with. I am now on antidepressants but i feel so much better. Saying that i did start to cut down on them and i noticed within a week that i was going back to not sleeping and being narky with oh and not wanting to be around my baby. I am back taking them every day again but i do hope to cut down again soon.
    Its so nice to chat openly about it as hubby is good now but wasnt at the start and as i said my family wouldnt understand.
    Pen and Sillymoo im here if you ever want a chat or just to let off steam. xxx
    Sorry, i just realised how long that was. x
  • Thanks that helps, it's not as if I'm afraid of hurting myself or Maddie I just have these htoughts like what if i dropped her and she banged her head or if i don't pick her up right and hurt her, to begin with i thought it would go as i gained confidence but it hasn't. OH isn't really a believer of depression if you know what i mean and my mum was so concerned at the start when the hv mentioned it that i have nevre really said anything again.
    Even when Maddie is sleeping well i don't, i am really off with oh alot of the time and sometimes i just have to go somewhere and have a good cry.
    Like both of you Maddie is always well dressed and spotless.
    I'm just not sure what to do as i don't feel i can talk to anyone about it.
    I'm scared of going on antidepressants again as i don't like feeling i'm not in control.
    I am lucky that i have a lot of help, i had a stressful pregnancy and labour was not as expected (C section) and then i had to go back to work (mornings only) after 3 weeks as i am self employed, in a way working has helped as it gives me some time away, i hope that doesn't make me sound like a bad mother!
    Your advice is greatfully received.
    xx
  • hey, ive had pnd for a gd couple of months now and i go through periods of being happy and talkative and other times i dont even bother getting dressed or bother eating, usually on my bad days ill leave the curtains in my house shut and sit on the couch and watch tv in the dark and try my best to interact with my lo but sometimes it gets too hard. the past couple of weeks has been the worse, my oh has had to chase me down the street a couple of times because ive got so low and grabbed a load of painkillers and ran out the front door. i feel sorry for him and for my lo because i used to be such a happy outgoing person, now im a bundle of nerves.
    ive had depression since i was 14 and self harmed up until 16 when i was hospitalized and then things got better gradually after that but since becomming pregnant ive gone downhill again.
    im a really self destructive person, i purposely piss people off so they will fall out with me (i know that sounds crazy) and even recently told my dad i didnt want to come to his wedding just to punish myself. since having my lo ive started smoking and smoke alot (20-30) a day and i know i only do it as some sort of self harm because i phsyically couldnt hurt myself (i dont know why, believe me ive tried)
    i wish i could be happy again as pnd has ruined the best days of my life, i was looking forward to having sam so much and it feels like everythings been taken from me, i really hate my life right now, i hope things get better because i really, really dont want to end up doing something stupid as when i get really low i lose the ability to think rationally. im on anti dps and speaking 2 a psychiatrist but i know it will take a while for me to get better
    sorry if this is so long xx
  • Hi Emilie, you poor thing! I really feel for you as i know how you feel. Its so hard being a mum and i find that everyone thinks im perfect and the ideal mother as Ellie is so well cared for but sometimes on my bad days i just be glad that someone has called to the house so they can take her away from me. Im sure that sounds awful but its such a relief when i can just sit and relax. My mum thinks everything is honkydory but if i told her how i really felt she would be the type that would tell me to pick myself up and get on with it but as im sure you all know it isnt that easy.
    Emilie im here if you ever need to talk or blow off steam or just for a good cry. Its bloody hard when my oh dosnt understand and he has been so patient but somedays he just sighs as if he has had enough and im terrified that he hates me and thinks im a bad mother but when im angry or annoyed i nearly want him to think this so he will help me. I know im waffleing but i just cant put down in words how i feel.
    Sorry for the long post. x
  • Hi Marsha, dont be sorry for the post, you needed to get it off your chest. First of all can i say how well it sounds like your copeing? You sound like a great mother. As for the girls being born early you cant blame yourself as most twins dont go anywhere near full term. Im sure your girls are beautiful in their dresses and tights.
    As for your mother in law i would tell her that if she is to take the girls she must stick to your routine or she is only making it harder for you. She is trying to be nice looking after them for a while but shes also being selfish not keeping them the way you would. Try telling her that its not giving you a break if she knocks them out of their routine as its harder to get them back into it again.
    Has any of your family been over to visit from the twins were born? could you go home with them for a holiday?
    I also find it hard to get to the shower before my hubby comes home as i hate leaving my lo and when i do she normally crys and then i end up more stressed than before and i find its not worth the hassle till the evening.
    When are you going to see a councellor?
  • Having a really shit day today, had bad headache again 3 days now and can't stop sniping at oh, he has no idea what he has done wrong but can't say anything without me taking it the wrong way, i feel like he is constantly critisizing (sp) me.
    Reading everyones threads is really helpful and crilly i think you are doing really well with twins, i find 1 hard enough, i'm sure you are a fantastic mother and i would tell your mil that you will only allow her to look after your girls if she does things your way, i made this clear to both my mum and mil as i wanted to do routine feeds.
    Hope you are all having good days!
  • Hi Marsha and sillymoo, Im also having a bad day today. My head is splitting open and i feel crap. Hubby left this morning and shut the door so loudly he woke Ellie up and then we were up very early with Ellie crying due to tiredness! What the hell is wrong with him that he couldnt close the door easy???
    Sorry, im just feeling shit and im tired and think im getting the cold and im going to shut up as im rabbiting on.
    Marsha im glad you got your feelings out in the open today and im sure it was hard for you. I know it wont easy to go out tonight but maybe just you and your hubby together will be a nice change and you can relax. Are you going to start on the tablets? I have found they work for me but i know they arnt for everyone. When will you see the councellor again? xxx
  • Hi Marsha, have you started the tablets yet? what did they put you on? I didnt want to use them either, it was like i was admitting i had a huge problem but i too reached breaking point and had to do something. I have had a good day so far today, Ellie is being a gem and sleeping most of the morning so i got all my bit and pieces done. How are you? did you and your hubby get out the other evening by yourselves? xxx
  • Hi Marsha, thats the same tablets as mine. I am having a good day today as hubby is outside working around the house and Ellie is sitting looking at me but not crying or anything. I think she knows i am tired and she is being good for me.
    Dont even get me started on mother in laws! Mine is the biggest pain in the backside! Ane she lives next door to us!!! NIGHTMARE!
  • I have got passed being blunt, the woman put me in hospital whan i was pregnant because she ragged me so much she put my bloodpressure up! They should be banned!!!!
  • Im having a good day too, im so glad you enjoyed getting out yesterday with the twins, i know the tablets said a week or fortnight to work but i felt different almost from the first one. I am happier now that im more relaxed and your right that you dont feel like you are forced to have fun and enjoy your babies, i feel like i want to be around Ellie now and not just because i have to. Any plans for this weekend? Im hopeing i might get out for the first time for an entire night without Ellie, we are hopeing to go for dinner then on to the pub for a while, havnt done this from she was born. I dont want to get too excited about it incase it dosnt work out. What are you up to today? xxx
  • Im so pleased for you Marsha, you really sound so much more up-beat. I have had a shit day, hubby is off sick and he is doing my head in. He lay in bed till 2pm which was fine but then got up and ate the face of me because Ellie was crying. As i pointed out she was tired and she always winges for a minute or two before nodding off. He then yapped on and on for no reason as though he was looking a row and i just lifted Ellie and put her in the car and drove away as i swear i was going to go mad at him.
    I try my best and he is so ungreatful at times, he was cross as i made chips and garlic bread with cheese but i forgot to put the cheese on the chips!
    Anyway im glad your getting out, it will be like your second hen party. I think i should have another one too as i was 6 months pregnant when i got married and i had my hen party at 5 months so no drinking either! Maybe i could get a stripper!!!!! LOL
  • i think i may have pnd, i keep crying hysterically then i will be fine and feel stupid for makin such a big fuss, then i'll be right back there crying again, i love my son to pieces, and i do see to him whenever he cries and do look after him- i don't think i've lost interest in him but i do just think when he cries please stop! i've had enough, then i will keep saying sorry to him coz i just feel so bad for getting annoyed at him!
    I've just split from my husband and i don't know if i've done the right thing or if its depression!!
    I don't know what to do, i can't talk about things like this to people so i just go on trying to cope with things on my own!
  • Hi Samantha, you have had a rough time of it lately, why dont you go see your gp like Marsha said, it cant do any harm and if it is pnd just having someone to talk to can help so much.
    Marsha how are you? how are the girls?
    Ive had a lovely weekend and only got pissed of with the hubby once! Im going to go to bed early tonight too and he is doing the night shift tonight. How are you finding the tablets now? xxx
  • Hi Marsha, what time do you take the tablets at? I find first thing in the morning is the best, even after lunch is getting late. I know they do keep you awake but this is because one of the side efffects of depression is wanting to sleep all the time and so the tablets are designed to keep you awake. If you take them too late they will just keep you up at night, i would try them at around 9 or 10 am. xxx
  • I hope they selttle down for you soon. Im exhausted and have a feeling im pregnant again. Think i will wait and test after valentines. Have you any plans for the big night? Im hopeing to be in bed by 9 and get at least 10 hours sleep!
  • LOL Marsha. We were trying for another but then decided to wait for a few months as we are hopeing to move house away from the mil. I think its a bit late now though, i have this sneeky feeling that i am. I also have the fear of twins, they run in our house too. I really would like a boy to finish off our family but as you said, where do you stop? If i had another girl would i go again?
    How far along where you when you had the twins? I had Ellie 2 weeks early but i think they got my dates mixed up. I think there comes a time when we see the los growing up that we are just programmed to want more, thank God for the pill!!! LOL xxx
  • Marsha you had a time of it. I also had the worst pregnancy ever, from heavy bleeding early on, high bloodpressure, low amniotic fluid, sevear migraine, pregnancy rash and being told i was having a huge baby but to name a few!
    I would like to have another baby but im scared its because i feel ok on the tablets and if i come off them will i go back to the way i was? I couldnt stand that, Ellie deserves better, i was awful!
    I will be happy if i am but wary at the same time and if i went on to have another girl i would set the limit at 3 babies for definate. Twins run on my side, my dad is a twin, my granny is a twin and i have 2 sets of twin cousins! I was terrified of my first scan with Ellie that they would say i had 2!
    Are you going out for dinner or just out for a drink on saturday? Is hubby babysitting? xxx
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