Thank you for answering my question, I was only curious that several people had said the same thing about being medically unable to and I didnt understand how they would know in the first place to judge. So therefore were they judging everyone by default etc.
Everyone has a different opinion and if we didn't the world would be a very dull place, I just wanted to understand a little better. I truely believe bf or ff every mother on here wants whats best for their baby (id love to say every mother everywhere but sadly that isn't the case) and thats the main thing.
crunchynut - I absolutely (personally!) could never ever judge someone in your situation. You tried your damnest and it just wasn't meant to be. I can't understand the sentiment of juding mums who tried - but thats just me.,...i respect evreyone has an opinion. But you did so well considering all you went thru with your traumatic labour and the fact you had so many issues from the forceps delivery! i would actually say it was medical reasons that caused you to be unable to breastfeed as you so wanted to.
crunchynut - your post almost bought me to tears. I hate to think people feel so guilty, however, I still have pangs of guilt and I stopped just under 6 months ago. It will never go away, especially as my boys have been so poorly on formula, and they werent on breast (I wont go into it all now as its a very very long story!)
Please dont apologise for your decision. Your post reminded me so much of myself at 8 weeks when I wasnt getting anywhere, although again, I had no 'medical' reason. I sobbed myself to sleep for the best part of 2 weeks, even though the boys knew no difference.
It wont be easy, and what I wrote in my previous post has taken me nearly 9 months to be able to write! It still hurts sometimes as I loved bf, and will do next time.
I hope I don't judge. There are so many reasons why women bottle feed and there are many women who do express all feeds, which I find deeply admirabled as I hated expressing and found it very hard work. I do get rather upset by women who won't even consider feeding because they view their breasts solely as sexual objects (cf. the thread on the article in Mother & Baby which labeled breast feeding 'creepy'). When I was pregnant I read (somewhere, can't remember where now) one woman's comment that she wasn't going to breastfeed because her boyfriend said her breasts were his and he didn't want her feeding a baby with them. That one really got me for two reasons. 1) What on earth was she doing allowing her boyfriend to dictate how she chose to care for her child and to put his desires ahead of its welfare? If that was the state of her backbone, how on earth could she care adequately for her child? 2) Breasts may be secondary sexual characteristics but their primary role, biologically, is not to excite male desire but to feed children. To view them solely as sexual objects (as her boyfriend clearly did and she seemed to) is such a distorted view of the world and our place in it that it really worries me. Never mind what she is feeding her child's stomach (formula is not poison), what on earth is she going to be feeding that child's mind about the female body and gender relations when it was old enough to start to explore its own body?
Don't get me wrong, I do understand that some people feel uncomfortable viewing their breasts as sources of nourishment when they are used to seeing them as sexual objects. But to make that the sole reason not to breastfeed does make me very concerned about the extent to which society has been oversexualised.
And Gemmie, I know you don't want congratulations, but I do insist on taking my hat off to you. The first 3 months of breastfeeding were the hardest, most painful and exhausting of my life and I only had one hungry baby to cope with. Anyone who can manage to breastfeed two exclusively gains my complete and unconditional awe!
I'm super sensitive about not being able to BF Tobes, especially as he's now constantly ill and I just *know* some people around me are thinking "well it's 'cos you didn't BF him".
Joo, you musn't think like that! I bf Ollie for a year and you know how he is! He is so super sensitive to everything that he even reacts to some of his ezcema creams ( He has colds almost constantly and they think he's asthmatic.
I'm a person who can't understand people not wanting to try, but I don't see a woman feeding in the street etc with a bottle and automatically think 'oh they obv haven't tried' its more family and close friends and people who have openly admitted they haven't tried that I struggle to understand. I don't understand why boobs are only sexual, or why bf is seen as creepy, or why people, in the words of Kathryn Blundell - "just couldn't be fagged or felt like getting tipsy once in a while"(which you can do when bf!) Is it normal to let a lover have access but not your own flesh and blood? if so, why? Its not what they were made for.... (ok so maybe made for love a little bit ) If me not understanding means I am judging people, then I must be.
Also I've had people accuse me of judging them for not bf a second or third child after trying and not succeeding with a first etc.. I try to explain to them that (its none of my business) they have tried and it hasn't worked out, so if they dont feel like they can try again where's the problem... I don't think people *must* try with all children, if they've tried with their first and had a harrowing experience then I'd probably recommend waiting to see how they feel when the baby was born but to be prepared for either way of feeding...
But - I do know I'm not very good with words, especially the written word when you can't hear the tone its said in, so I'll stop there before I dig myself a big hole.
xxx
Edit to add - I was told I HAD to ff both of mine, Ollie because he was a failure to thrive (yeah right!) and MJ because she had reflux and wasn't putting weight on - well she still doesnt put much weight on and eats like an elephant (and its herd!) I managed to get to a year with both of them though
[Modified by: icecreamlover on June 28, 2010 09:08 PM]
I suppose I find it a little embarrassing when people stop me in the street and congratulate me! lol!
I absolutely loved bf, and I never thought I would in a million years until they were here and nothing else seemed adequate enough (again, my view) to feed them with when they were so small. They were gaining nearly 1lb a week so were doing very well, but I just didnt have the energy to sustain it. I loved it though and wouldnt think twice about feeding the next one.
My comment on it would be not to make too many decisions before baby is here. I was very laid back...if bf didnt work they could always have bottles...and this made it much easier. I wasnt even sure that I would bf as I didnt think I would be able to feed 2 of them. However, nothing else seemed right when they were here...you never know what will happen so go with it xx
It certainly seems from reading this that for most people we are our own worst judge (I hope that makes sense I dont know how to phrase it!) For some reason when I speak to people I know who have tried and have for whatever reason not been able to feed I am very sympathetic, genuinely so but when I was thought I would have to give up I was so consumed with guilt it was unbearable, and even now when we're doing OK and have survived hopefully the worst of it, I cant bear to give formula to my lo (he had some formula top ups up until 8 weeks) because I feel like I've failed somehow. But I'll openly say that I dont think formula is bad, I was raised on it and my brothers were both bf and I'm the healthiest out of the three of us and it's certainly done me no harm.
And to answer your questions dylansmummy, you dont. At my baby class where the babies are predominantly bottle fed I couldn't tell you how many didn't try, how many can't (medically) and how many had to give up. But those incidents where I know someone hasnt tried I and could, I will still silently judge (especially when people keep telling me how well their baby is growing and how chubby it is as if I'm doing something wrong because my baby isn't a porker. He's growing perfectly thanks and is just tall and skinny like his daddy!!!)
Sorry for that waffle, I hope my original point didnt get lost in my ramble.
It really does get to me when all the girls on here have to justify why they stopped breastfeeding to others. You do NOT have to explain yourself. You would never intentionally harm your baby and the mere fact that we are all on this site is because we want to make sure we have good networks for advice during early motherhood. You wouldn't be here if you didn't care. Formula isn't poison so please don't beat yourself up about using it. If your reasons were medical, don't feel pressured into explaining why. It's your business!
I sometimes feel that some (not all) who don't want to can make up a reason behind it to stop people asking why. And that's sad, because it shows that those women are too afraid to just tell everyone else to sod off!
The fact that we all have brought beautiful children into this world, and will hold their hand, wipe their tears and share their laughs untill they have their own little ones is an amazing gift that we should enjoy rather than scrutinise, or try and see who does it better, or judge because they're doing it differently. So what? Go and look at your little one laying calmly in their cot, hugging their bear and smiling in their sleep...still worried they're not ok from formula? Thought not. Xx
I guess the problem is that its scientifically proven that bf is better for baby and why wouldn't anyone - if they can - want to give their baby the best start in life? Bf babies have stronger immune systems, higher IQs and have a certain amount of protection from disease. It also helps to protect you from some diseases. I realise all you formula feeding mums will be furious with my comments, as most of you have vented so angrily at lawso. I do judge women who don't try to breastfeed but I realise it is not always possible and I certainly don't judge women who couldn't, its just those who won't try in the first place. I was lucky that I had the support of my mum, who breastfed me and my bro, and kept reassuring me, as breastfeeding is terrifying and painful at first, especially in those early hazy days after the birth. I am not sure how I would feel or act if I didn't have that early support, as the advice I received in hospital was minimal and unhelpful. I am fully prepared for an unleashing of angry posters but that is my view. It is not meant to offend anyone. I don't sit with my mummy friends and judge them for feeding their babies formula.
I'm sorry but I know that the benefits out weigh the negatives, however my family have not been bf and we were all top of our class ahve few illnesses, my hubby was not bf and was top of his class and is never ill and his siblings were bf and are constantly ill and were in the lower half of the class. Likewise my niece has been bf and constantly got stomach bugs and colds my lo is ff and has had one cold. Now I am not saying this is true for every bf or ff baby but just showing that it's not always the case to say that bf babies are smarter than ff
I've done mixed feeding with both of children. I bf my little boy for 16 months and my little girl for 13 months so far, but they have both had bottles as well from 6 weeks. I've never been able to express so when they had bottles it is formula and this means I can go on a (rare) night out and they can stay out and I know that they would still be ok.
My manager bf for 5 weeks and was in agony with thrush going from her babies mouth to her nipple. She ended up with pnd because she felt she had failed at bf, but this really helped me as I though I will give it a go but if I don't like it I will stop, I had bottles and ready milk at home in case, but we really took to it, maybe because I didn't put myself under any pressure?
I've had negative comments from my dad who said it was a shame that my little boy was bf, why I don't know. I wouldn't judge any one - my midwife put it wonderfully - as long as a baby is loved, safe, warm and fed correctly, why should anyone care how it is fed. It is the parents choice and no-one else's business.
Oh, and I also find personally that bf is far easier than bottle feeding so I would never say someone is lazy for giving their baby a bottle. I have bf and slept at the same time on loads of occasions, getting up to make a bottle is a killer.
ok, so this is slightly radical here, but im going to put it out there and please see this is just an observation rather than a fact.
People say those who were breastfed have a higher IQ. Id challenge that slighty and say that those who are slightly more educated and may be more intelligent themselves would CHOOSE to breastfeed, and therefore a higher percentage of those babies born to high IQ parents would be breastfed (please please please do NOT take this as me saying forumla feeding mothers are not smart, thats not what I mean)
Protection against disease - yes, it does provide the child with antibodies. but at the same time, if a child is born into a family who has a high percentage of hayfever, nut allergic, athsmatic ect ect in their families, you cannot say that that child has hayfever because it was formula fed! How do you explain a child who was ebf having excema, hayfever and sever nasal issues and who is ill very often, to someone who is rarely ill and has no allergies what so ever..who was forumla fed? I think that although breastmilk is very very nutritious and natural, a lot has to be said for lumping the full blame (or praise) on the stuff. Nature Vs Nurture I suppose!!
To add to that. If you think about it, and go back far enough. There were no sterile enviroments, and no formula available...so what were babies fed then? Breastmilk. And to be blunt if you didnt or couldnt feed your child they would not survive.
Premature babies wouldnt have survived then either, and neither would those who suffer certain diseases ect...but science has come a long long way and we now have choices that we didnt have before...we can keep people alive longer and infant mortality is at an all time low.
Before I had lo I'm ashamed to admit that I did judge women who had a tiny baby with a bottle in it's mouth, I just thought that woman didn't even try.
However, now I understand the full extent of feeding a child. I was determined to bf & for 1st 24 hours after lo was born she didn't latch on I was at my wits end & the mw really didn't help me to latch her on. When I eventually got her to latch on it wasn't correct but lo was getting something at long last. (although I didn't know the latch was wrong til much later). I perserved with bf up till 4 weeks, but lo was falling off the weight scale & my nipples were red raw after feeing nearly every 30 mins. I put her onto formula & combine fed until 8 weeks. She is now ff fully but I don't mind, she's happy & healthy & that's all that matters.
I do think that a happy mum makes a happy baby. I do think that if medical conditions or not being to satify ur baby with bf that formula should be used. But, I don't really agree with women who make excuses for doing it. I was watching tv this morning & a topic came on about a baby mag that had an article in it about a mum not bf cause she found it creepy. That's not a good reason not to bf.
Crunchynut, this post might interest you. If it's something you want more info on yhou are very welcome to email me privately and I'll happily help if I can.
You tried really hard, you didn't fail, circumstances conspired against you. Big difference. The early days of bf are the golden ones, where the really good stuff in terms of protection is on offer, and your LO got all that and is protected for life because of you.
with Lizzie i wanted to breast feed and i did for 3 weeks then i felt i was putting myself under a lot of pressure and i stopped.
Breasfeeding is in my opinion easier than bottle feeding as there is no sterilising and waiting on kettle
i dont usually disagree with wannababy but this annoyed me. bfing is VERY hard! it is exhausting to ebf your baby, which is why we burn so many calories. it is draining and painful, even if you manage to get no nipple damage, the strength of the let down reflex can hurt like hell for those first couple of weeks. it takes absolute determination to continue to breastfeed, which is why so many people give up after 2 weeks. you obviously agree, which is why you felt under pressure, so saying bf is easier does not make sense. it is not hard / difficult / draining / painful to wait for a kettle to boil, or to put a steriliser in the microwave.
before my baby was born i read everything i could get hold of on breastfeeding so i was prepared, but even then the pain from 1 incident of bad attachment and the let down reflex, came as a shock! i even ready a course booklet for health professionals that i got from a friend with lesson plans and resources on teaching bfing. i had a boobie kit next to me at all times with shields, shells, lanolin, warm flannel and paracetamol! but it was really important for me to give my dd the best possible start and i was determined, despite the pain, to continue.
my neighbour couldnt get her small baby to latch on and she expressed for 4 weeks, but at each feed put him to the breast. he eventually latched on and she is still ebf and he is 6 months next week. i have a friend who's baby was also born tiny and she expressed for 6 months. i have another "friend" who sent me a message after my baby was born saying "i take it you are breastfeeding" who actually wasnt herself as she couldnt find suitable clothes and she couldnt nap during the day and it was much more painful for her than anyone else who had ever breastfed before.
i know lots of people who gave up trying as they found it difficult, well it is difficult. but not to even attempt to give the colostrum? which despite advances in formula and its closeness to milk, colostrum it aint. but after a few weeks it is the most rewarding thing ever, watching your baby grow knowing that from being an egg that growth is all you.
Hmm, when I read the title I knew this would be a bone of contention ... there is nay way I'm reading all 103 comments before this one but here is my view ... I agree with Calleigh when she says that breastfeeding is NOT the easy option. Yes I breastfed my baby for the first few months of her life and yes I AM proud as for me it was really hard work, sterilising bottles and boiling kettles was an absolute doddle compared to it. Sometimes I loved breastfeeding but sometimes I did it through gritted teeth, I envy mums who are still doing it (my LO is 10 months) and those who did it with ease.
Back to the OP: in hospital (I was in for 3 days) I was the only breastfeeder on my ward despite many comings and goings. If anything I felt like the weird one! Also due to my baba waking loads and me feeding practically all night (I didn't sleep for the first 2 nights ...) I had quite a bit of pressure to ff in hosp (my hv also 'off the record' suggested formula top ups)... I guess every hospital and situation is defferent for me it was the bf support that was lacking.
Good luck with your baba, hope all goes well for you x
I've got to admit I was the same as junglejayne, before lo arrived I would judge a little when seeing a tiny baby with a bottle in it's mouth, but I take that back now.
Although I believe certain comments on here weren't intended to hurt anyone they have really upset me. I also belong in the tried and failed camp and boy do I already feel like a failure without knowing it's something some people judge me for. My lo wouldn't latch on initially, the midwives and the maternity assistants in hospital couldn't help me get him to take an interest. The specialist bfing midwife couldn't get him on so I was discharged feeding him expressed colostrum by syringe. We had a small sucess with nipple sheilds but by day3 he'd lost 12%of his be and my midwife insisted I had to give him formula top ups we went through 5weeks of hell, trying to get it right. I asked my hv's for help, went to support groups, saw bfing counsellors, rang all the helpline, spoke to the local bfing coordinator. I was told our positioning was ok but just couldn't get him to latch on right. I dreaded every feed, my ds would become hysterical, I was in tears, he was starving and I was in agony. His top ups (which we're a combination of ff and ebm throughout the day) became bigger and more frequent, eventually they said we had thrush and I was advised to just express for a few days to give it a chance to resolve and also for my sanity as everyone I spoke to was getting concerned with how low I was about it. After a few exhausting days of absolute bliss, one happy contented baby with a full tummy, one relaxed mummy not in pain. I put him back to the boob, within a few hours of the first day we we're back to the hell, after another few days of this, seeking more help on the way I finally decided and came to terms with enough being enough and it not being fair to carry on like that. So for the past two and a half weeks I have been expressing and he has been mix-fed. My supply is now seriously diminishing very rapidly and I think we'll be lucky to make it past the end of the week. This is something I feel incredibly guilty about and am struggling to come to terms with, which is probably why I am oversensitive to certain comments.
Back to the point, I would not judge anyone I saw bottlefeeding their baby, but I would silently judge anyone who told me they were bottle feeding for any of the 'non-reasons' already mentioned by so many. Anyone I see breastfeeding I'm in awe of and if completely honest, jealous of.
Anyone who can make their own decision and the right decision for them deserves a pat on the back. Those who breastfeed and it's relatively easy well done, those who breastfeed and struggle very well done, those who know when enough is enough for whatever reason and are able to do right by their lo and come to terms with it I think you're fantastic and those who do manage to express long term and keep your supply up, I don't know how you do it and I think you're amazing (regardless of what certain people in this camp think of other people)
I wouldn't judge any woman I saw giving their lo a bottle, for a start it's their child and their choice and I don't know their circumstances. Having said that women who openly tell of their disgust for bfing and give stupid reasons for not wanting to do it, such as their breasts are for their OH, then I will judge them, after all how can they rubbish something they've never tried. When it comes down to it whether you ff or bf there will always be someone who has an opinion on it and who isn't afraid to let you know what they think.
Replies
No ones opinion on BF/ff my children matters to me apart from my own.
Everyone has a different opinion and if we didn't the world would be a very dull place, I just wanted to understand a little better. I truely believe bf or ff every mother on here wants whats best for their baby (id love to say every mother everywhere but sadly that isn't the case) and thats the main thing.
xxx
But you did so well considering all you went thru with your traumatic labour and the fact you had so many issues from the forceps delivery! i would actually say it was medical reasons that caused you to be unable to breastfeed as you so wanted to.
hugs x x
xx
Please dont apologise for your decision. Your post reminded me so much of myself at 8 weeks when I wasnt getting anywhere, although again, I had no 'medical' reason. I sobbed myself to sleep for the best part of 2 weeks, even though the boys knew no difference.
It wont be easy, and what I wrote in my previous post has taken me nearly 9 months to be able to write! It still hurts sometimes as I loved bf, and will do next time.
Lots of hugs hun xxx
Don't get me wrong, I do understand that some people feel uncomfortable viewing their breasts as sources of nourishment when they are used to seeing them as sexual objects. But to make that the sole reason not to breastfeed does make me very concerned about the extent to which society has been oversexualised.
And Gemmie, I know you don't want congratulations, but I do insist on taking my hat off to you. The first 3 months of breastfeeding were the hardest, most painful and exhausting of my life and I only had one hungry baby to cope with. Anyone who can manage to breastfeed two exclusively gains my complete and unconditional awe!
Joo, you musn't think like that!
I bf Ollie for a year and you know how he is! He is so super sensitive to everything that he even reacts to some of his ezcema creams
I'm a person who can't understand people not wanting to try, but I don't see a woman feeding in the street etc with a bottle and automatically think 'oh they obv haven't tried' its more family and close friends and people who have openly admitted they haven't tried that I struggle to understand. I don't understand why boobs are only sexual, or why bf is seen as creepy, or why people, in the words of Kathryn Blundell - "just couldn't be fagged or felt like getting tipsy once in a while"(which you can do when bf!) Is it normal to let a lover have access but not your own flesh and blood? if so, why? Its not what they were made for.... (ok so maybe made for love a little bit
If me not understanding means I am judging people, then I must be.
Also I've had people accuse me of judging them for not bf a second or third child after trying and not succeeding with a first etc.. I try to explain to them that (its none of my business) they have tried and it hasn't worked out, so if they dont feel like they can try again where's the problem... I don't think people *must* try with all children, if they've tried with their first and had a harrowing experience then I'd probably recommend waiting to see how they feel when the baby was born but to be prepared for either way of feeding...
But - I do know I'm not very good with words, especially the written word when you can't hear the tone its said in, so I'll stop there before I dig myself a big hole.
xxx
Edit to add - I was told I HAD to ff both of mine, Ollie because he was a failure to thrive (yeah right!) and MJ because she had reflux and wasn't putting weight on - well she still doesnt put much weight on and eats like an elephant (and its herd!) I managed to get to a year with both of them though
[Modified by: icecreamlover on June 28, 2010 09:08 PM]
I absolutely loved bf, and I never thought I would in a million years until they were here and nothing else seemed adequate enough (again, my view) to feed them with when they were so small. They were gaining nearly 1lb a week so were doing very well, but I just didnt have the energy to sustain it. I loved it though and wouldnt think twice about feeding the next one.
My comment on it would be not to make too many decisions before baby is here. I was very laid back...if bf didnt work they could always have bottles...and this made it much easier. I wasnt even sure that I would bf as I didnt think I would be able to feed 2 of them. However, nothing else seemed right when they were here...you never know what will happen so go with it xx
And to answer your questions dylansmummy, you dont. At my baby class where the babies are predominantly bottle fed I couldn't tell you how many didn't try, how many can't (medically) and how many had to give up. But those incidents where I know someone hasnt tried I and could, I will still silently judge (especially when people keep telling me how well their baby is growing and how chubby it is as if I'm doing something wrong because my baby isn't a porker. He's growing perfectly thanks and is just tall and skinny like his daddy!!!)
Sorry for that waffle, I hope my original point didnt get lost in my ramble.
I sometimes feel that some (not all) who don't want to can make up a reason behind it to stop people asking why. And that's sad, because it shows that those women are too afraid to just tell everyone else to sod off!
The fact that we all have brought beautiful children into this world, and will hold their hand, wipe their tears and share their laughs untill they have their own little ones is an amazing gift that we should enjoy rather than scrutinise, or try and see who does it better, or judge because they're doing it differently. So what? Go and look at your little one laying calmly in their cot, hugging their bear and smiling in their sleep...still worried they're not ok from formula? Thought not. Xx
I am fully prepared for an unleashing of angry posters but that is my view. It is not meant to offend anyone. I don't sit with my mummy friends and judge them for feeding their babies formula.
My manager bf for 5 weeks and was in agony with thrush going from her babies mouth to her nipple. She ended up with pnd because she felt she had failed at bf, but this really helped me as I though I will give it a go but if I don't like it I will stop, I had bottles and ready milk at home in case, but we really took to it, maybe because I didn't put myself under any pressure?
I've had negative comments from my dad who said it was a shame that my little boy was bf, why I don't know. I wouldn't judge any one - my midwife put it wonderfully - as long as a baby is loved, safe, warm and fed correctly, why should anyone care how it is fed. It is the parents choice and no-one else's business.
Oh, and I also find personally that bf is far easier than bottle feeding so I would never say someone is lazy for giving their baby a bottle. I have bf and slept at the same time on loads of occasions, getting up to make a bottle is a killer.
People say those who were breastfed have a higher IQ. Id challenge that slighty and say that those who are slightly more educated and may be more intelligent themselves would CHOOSE to breastfeed, and therefore a higher percentage of those babies born to high IQ parents would be breastfed (please please please do NOT take this as me saying forumla feeding mothers are not smart, thats not what I mean)
Protection against disease - yes, it does provide the child with antibodies. but at the same time, if a child is born into a family who has a high percentage of hayfever, nut allergic, athsmatic ect ect in their families, you cannot say that that child has hayfever because it was formula fed! How do you explain a child who was ebf having excema, hayfever and sever nasal issues and who is ill very often, to someone who is rarely ill and has no allergies what so ever..who was forumla fed? I think that although breastmilk is very very nutritious and natural, a lot has to be said for lumping the full blame (or praise) on the stuff. Nature Vs Nurture I suppose!!
To add to that. If you think about it, and go back far enough. There were no sterile enviroments, and no formula available...so what were babies fed then? Breastmilk. And to be blunt if you didnt or couldnt feed your child they would not survive.
Premature babies wouldnt have survived then either, and neither would those who suffer certain diseases ect...but science has come a long long way and we now have choices that we didnt have before...we can keep people alive longer and infant mortality is at an all time low.
However, now I understand the full extent of feeding a child. I was determined to bf & for 1st 24 hours after lo was born she didn't latch on I was at my wits end & the mw really didn't help me to latch her on. When I eventually got her to latch on it wasn't correct but lo was getting something at long last. (although I didn't know the latch was wrong til much later). I perserved with bf up till 4 weeks, but lo was falling off the weight scale & my nipples were red raw after feeing nearly every 30 mins. I put her onto formula & combine fed until 8 weeks. She is now ff fully but I don't mind, she's happy & healthy & that's all that matters.
I do think that a happy mum makes a happy baby. I do think that if medical conditions or not being to satify ur baby with bf that formula should be used. But, I don't really agree with women who make excuses for doing it. I was watching tv this morning & a topic came on about a baby mag that had an article in it about a mum not bf cause she found it creepy. That's not a good reason not to bf.
Jayne xx
http://www.babyexpert.com/chatroom/topic/179281
You tried really hard, you didn't fail, circumstances conspired against you. Big difference. The early days of bf are the golden ones, where the really good stuff in terms of protection is on offer, and your LO got all that and is protected for life because of you.
Breasfeeding is in my opinion easier than bottle feeding as there is no sterilising and waiting on kettle
i dont usually disagree with wannababy but this annoyed me. bfing is VERY hard! it is exhausting to ebf your baby, which is why we burn so many calories. it is draining and painful, even if you manage to get no nipple damage, the strength of the let down reflex can hurt like hell for those first couple of weeks. it takes absolute determination to continue to breastfeed, which is why so many people give up after 2 weeks. you obviously agree, which is why you felt under pressure, so saying bf is easier does not make sense. it is not hard / difficult / draining / painful to wait for a kettle to boil, or to put a steriliser in the microwave.
before my baby was born i read everything i could get hold of on breastfeeding so i was prepared, but even then the pain from 1 incident of bad attachment and the let down reflex, came as a shock! i even ready a course booklet for health professionals that i got from a friend with lesson plans and resources on teaching bfing. i had a boobie kit next to me at all times with shields, shells, lanolin, warm flannel and paracetamol! but it was really important for me to give my dd the best possible start and i was determined, despite the pain, to continue.
my neighbour couldnt get her small baby to latch on and she expressed for 4 weeks, but at each feed put him to the breast. he eventually latched on and she is still ebf and he is 6 months next week. i have a friend who's baby was also born tiny and she expressed for 6 months. i have another "friend" who sent me a message after my baby was born saying "i take it you are breastfeeding" who actually wasnt herself as she couldnt find suitable clothes and she couldnt nap during the day and it was much more painful for her than anyone else who had ever breastfed before.
i know lots of people who gave up trying as they found it difficult, well it is difficult. but not to even attempt to give the colostrum? which despite advances in formula and its closeness to milk, colostrum it aint. but after a few weeks it is the most rewarding thing ever, watching your baby grow knowing that from being an egg that growth is all you.
I agree with Calleigh when she says that breastfeeding is NOT the easy option. Yes I breastfed my baby for the first few months of her life and yes I AM proud as for me it was really hard work, sterilising bottles and boiling kettles was an absolute doddle compared to it. Sometimes I loved breastfeeding but sometimes I did it through gritted teeth, I envy mums who are still doing it (my LO is 10 months) and those who did it with ease.
Back to the OP: in hospital (I was in for 3 days) I was the only breastfeeder on my ward despite many comings and goings. If anything I felt like the weird one! Also due to my baba waking loads and me feeding practically all night (I didn't sleep for the first 2 nights ...) I had quite a bit of pressure to ff in hosp (my hv also 'off the record' suggested formula top ups)... I guess every hospital and situation is defferent for me it was the bf support that was lacking.
Good luck with your baba, hope all goes well for you x
Although I believe certain comments on here weren't intended to hurt anyone they have really upset me. I also belong in the tried and failed camp and boy do I already feel like a failure without knowing it's something some people judge me for.
My lo wouldn't latch on initially, the midwives and the maternity assistants in hospital couldn't help me get him to take an interest. The specialist bfing midwife couldn't get him on so I was discharged feeding him expressed colostrum by syringe. We had a small sucess with nipple sheilds but by day3 he'd lost 12%of his be and my midwife insisted I had to give him formula top ups we went through 5weeks of hell, trying to get it right. I asked my hv's for help, went to support groups, saw bfing counsellors, rang all the helpline, spoke to the local bfing coordinator. I was told our positioning was ok but just couldn't get him to latch on right. I dreaded every feed, my ds would become hysterical, I was in tears, he was starving and I was in agony. His top ups (which we're a combination of ff and ebm throughout the day) became bigger and more frequent,
eventually they said we had thrush and I was advised to just express for a few days to give it a chance to resolve and also for my sanity as everyone I spoke to was getting concerned with how low I was about it. After a few exhausting days of absolute bliss, one happy contented baby with a full tummy, one relaxed mummy not in pain. I put him back to the boob, within a few hours of the first day we we're back to the hell, after another few days of this, seeking more help on the way I finally decided and came to terms with enough being enough and it not being fair to carry on like that. So for the past two and a half weeks I have been expressing and he has been mix-fed. My supply is now seriously diminishing very rapidly and I think we'll be lucky to make it past the end of the week. This is something I feel incredibly guilty about and am struggling to come to terms with, which is probably why I am oversensitive to certain comments.
Back to the point, I would not judge anyone I saw bottlefeeding their baby, but I would silently judge anyone who told me they were bottle feeding for any of the 'non-reasons' already mentioned by so many. Anyone I see breastfeeding I'm in awe of and if completely honest, jealous of.
Anyone who can make their own decision and the right decision for them deserves a pat on the back. Those who breastfeed and it's relatively easy well done, those who breastfeed and struggle very well done, those who know when enough is enough for whatever reason and are able to do right by their lo and come to terms with it I think you're fantastic and those who do manage to express long term and keep your supply up, I don't know how you do it and I think you're amazing (regardless of what certain people in this camp think of other people)
When it comes down to it whether you ff or bf there will always be someone who has an opinion on it and who isn't afraid to let you know what they think.