Not breasting feeding! do you judge?

GONE



[Modified by: GothicGirl on 29 June 2010 14:49:33 ]
«13456

Posts

  • I think we all have a little silent (some not so silent) judge over things we would/wouldnt do. I think the most important thing is how YOU feel about what you are/arent doing. Would you like to talk more about your choice? I think you will find lots of support either way on this forum, it is very supportive most of the time, and not too bitchy like some!!

    When are you due?

    Em x
  • Hi hunny. I dont breastfeed simply because i cant. Im on a lot of medications, 2 of which means you cant breastfeed, they are sodium valporate for epilepsy and a drug trial xolair for asthma. I feel there is so much pressure on people to breastfeed and i hate it as i always have to explain to people why im not breast feeding so im not judged. I know loads of people who feel pressured into doing it and stop as soon as they get out of hospital. I totally agree and understand its the best start for a baby but i really think it should be an individuals choice as a mother and the stigma attached to not breast feeding is ridiculous. I think woman who do it are amazing but i dont think bottle feeding makes you any less of a mother. Xxx
  • I will be completely honest, seeing as you've asked. I don't understand women who are able to breastfeed but don't even try. Just doing it for one day, which is such a short amount of time in your life, yet so important for your baby, doesn't seem like too much effort to me. However, women have their reasons which may be entirely valid and it is completely up to them. I don't think it makes them a bad mother, of course not, and I am sure there are lots of things I do or don't do that they wouldn't agree with. So, no, I don't judge but I can't pretend to understand.

    I breastfed my son for 9 months and it almost annoys me when people say, oh well done, that's amazing etc. It's NOT amazing, it's just normal! Its strange to me that doing the natural, normal thing is seen as something special, and I think that's why people who don't breastfeed end up feeling judged and defensive.

  • Did any of you feel that the hosp really forced you to breastfeed?

    xxx

    (thank you for all the comments x)
  • I come at it from the other side - I did bf my son and I will with this baby (37 wks today) and I often felt judged at baby groups etc by people who were bottle feeding nothing anyone said just a general feeling. So I think it's hard either way!
  • I agree with MaxiMum+1. To be honest I think women put the guilt and pressure on themselves, either way, without any more needed from hospitals and baby groups!
  • i never judge a mum for breastfeeding, and if anything respect them for doing so,
  • I think, when I was having ds1 (8yrs ago) I would have been one of the mums that 'judged' formula feeding mums - like some of the other girls on here, I can't understand why someone wouldn't try - as to me it's the most natural thing in the world - and something I was determined to do.

    I have posted on many of the bf'ing debates on here, and I always read the replies very carefully - in trying to understand why women wouldn't want to at least try bf. And I think I do now accept that it is a personal choice, and I understand that not everyone is as evangelical about bf'ing as I am!

    So, yes, I would respect your choice to feed your baby how you want to - and much more so having been a member of this forum.

    However, I dislike it when mother's try to justify their choice to formula feed by 'rubbishing' the evidence that bf is the best start for a baby (in most cases it is), and criticising the midwives for promoting bf. Nothing beats mummy's own milk tailor-made for her baby! If I argue this point, as I have done on some quite 'heated' threads, possibly I sound judgemental against ff - I'm not - just can't stand people rubbishing scientific research!

    So, if you were my friend in real life and said you were bottlefeeding - I might privately be surprised that you wouldn't want to try bf'ing at all, but I wouldn't judge you, or think you were a bad mum (because you wouldn't be!). No mother should ever be made to feel guilty for ff.

    xx




    [Modified by: ~ Tottie ~ on June 28, 2010 10:40 AM]

  • I have been thinking about this a lot recently. I saw another post where someone had asked what milk to use, as they didn't plan to bf. Someone asked the lady her reasons for not breastfeeding, and I did debate with myself, is it ok to ask peoples reasons, as they could just need a bit of support/encouragement, or do we accept peoples decisions, whether we agree or not?

    For me, I don't judge. I can't understand why people would not try, but then I haven't walked a mile in their shoes. I believe they have made the best decision for them, even if that was not the best decision for me.

    I do feel passionately about this, as I tried to bf without success, and expressed for 6 months. I felt judged by bfing mums, as I couldn't do the most natural thing in the world, and I felt judged by ffeeding mums, as I didn't feed formula. So, I don't think you can win either way :lol:

    Oh, and with regard to hospitals, mine were not supportive of bfing at all! I was under so much pressure to switch to f feeding.

    Good luck with whatever you decide to do. I know there are people who will get on their high horse about bfing, but until they have walked a mile in someone else shoes, they shouldn't judge!


  • I do feel passionately about this, as I tried to bf without success, and expressed for 6 months. I felt judged by bfing mums, as I couldn't do the most natural thing in the world, and I felt judged by ffeeding mums, as I didn't feed formula. So, I don't think you can win either way :lol:



    I think people that express exclusively are more amazing than anyone! I admire that commitment - and I am 95% sure I wouldn't have kept it up for more than a couple of weeks.
  • I dont judge anyone for their choice in feeding be it breast or bottle.
    With my first daughter i didnt breastfeed, i didnt want to, simple as that.
    with Lizzie i wanted to breast feed and i did for 3 weeks then i felt i was putting myself under alot of pressure and i stopped.
    Breasfeeding is in my opinion easier than bottle feeding as there is no sterilising and waiting on kettle ect but i do think it has to be the mothers choice and her choice alone and she should be supported either which way she choses.
    i was very lucky my hubby said he was happy to have lizzie fed which ever way as long as she was feed as after all formula is not posion!
    I became alot more relaxed after i stopped breastfeeding.
    when i ff dd1 most of the hospital staff were very supportive but one midwife wasnt, well unlucky for her i am very strong willed and i knew it was my right to chose how to feed my daughter and i stuck to my guns of ff.
    I never felt judged by anyone in public when bottle feeding but i did find people didnt sit so close in cafes when i was breastfeeding! (i am one of those people who breastfeed in public from the start, which I think should be encouraged as i think people stop breastfeeding when they want to leave the house as they think they will be judged/embarrassed)

  • Breasfeeding is in my opinion easier than bottle feeding as there is no sterilising and waiting on kettle ect

    Haha I wish bfing was easier than washing a few bottles! I think that it can bloody hard work especially in the early weeks.

    I don't judge a womans choice ff or bf. So long as mum and baby are happy, thats the main thing. I would maybe wonder what has made a woman decide not to from the start (if medication or other health issues don't come into it) even just a for few days so baby gets the colostrum.
    I tried bfing my first but it was doomed from the start and by 4 weeks was solely ff. My second is still bf and I couldn't imagine not trying to do the same for any future children.

    Cat xxx

    [Modified by: Mummy Cat on June 28, 2010 11:09 AM]

  • I woudn't say I judge but I am interested to know why people choose to formula feed over breast feeding if there is no medical reason why they couldn't BF.

    I really struggled to BF due to tounge tie which was fixed 6 days after birth and expressed in this time (apart from when an over keen midwife took my child and FFed her) but I managed to BF succesfully once this was corrected, thanks to rebirthing, suport from my fella and determination on my part.

    I have sat in M&B groups and cringed at women moaning about 'breast is best' slogans- for a start breast is best nothing beats it. The NHS has a tiny adverstising budget to help promote BF whereas FF companies have millions so it is up to the midwifes etc to promote it. People would be outraged i'm sure if adverstising formula feeding was banned so why is it a problem for BF to be advertised.

    As for pressure to BF I actually had to put preasure on my hospital to help me to BF they were more than keen to shove a bottle of formula down my babys throat without trying to find out why she wouldn't feed!

    It is obviously the mothers choice as it is her baby and her body but I would urge women to look at the facts before ruling it out.

    For me one of the main selling points was that my child is less likely to get hayfever (yes before anyone starts I know people who were BF with hayfever and people who were ff without) and having seen both my fella and brother suffer with this it was a major selling point- anythng to up the chance of my child not getting it.

    For women there is a reduced risk of breast cancer if you BF.

    You only have to have a quick google to find out all the benifits that BF provides.

    I only BF in public if really needed and have never needed to show so much as a hint on nipple- infact you see more of mine and many womans boobs in some of the tops I wear! What did annoy me recently however is when I met a woman a few weeks ago for lunch, my child started crying to be fed so i coverd myself in a cardi put my baby under it and fed her- the woman i was with reaction was less than impressed to say the least as was a couple of old ladies who if they weren't evesdropping wouldn't have even noticed. Would people rather I let my baby go hungry because me feeding my baby seems to offend them!?

    Sorry this is long and veers away from the OP question but once I got started... And please excuse my spelling- a bee just came in the room whilst typing!




  • I do feel passionately about this, as I tried to bf without success, and expressed for 6 months. I felt judged by bfing mums, as I couldn't do the most natural thing in the world, and I felt judged by ffeeding mums, as I didn't feed formula. So, I don't think you can win either way :lol:



    I think people that express exclusively are more amazing than anyone! I admire that commitment - and I am 95% sure I wouldn't have kept it up for more than a couple of weeks.


    Gosh i couldn't agree more! how amazing to express for 6 months.. that must have been so hard because its not like you got the satisfaction of your little one on the breast but yet you continued to express the best milk you could. Brilliant, well done xx
  • I wouldn't say I judge people who don't breastfeed, it's more that I can't see why you wouldn't unless of course you can't?

    It was really hard at first but I pressed on because I knew it was giving my child the best and for me there's no question if something is best for your child and you are able to provide it? But, as I say, it was hard and so I don't judge if people give it a go and give up!

    They never said anything to me in hospital about feeding, i assume because I had already said I would breastfeed.
  • The NHS has a tiny adverstising budget to help promote BF whereas FF companies have millions so it is up to the midwifes etc to promote it. People would be outraged i'm sure if adverstising formula feeding was banned so why is it a problem for BF to be advertised.

    Formula for babies under 6 months isnt allowed to be advertised on tv and in media ect they can only advertise "follow on milk" so formual from birth isnt advertised, as the sma advert on this site it shows it only shows the brand not the milk ect,

    i agree that they need a bigger budget to help promote breastfeeding but i think they need to stop the gulit that i have seen if you decided not to breastfeed, not saying all midwifes are like that, just the few i have seen

    xxx
  • g/c from pregnancy!

    I will fully admit to silently judging those who don't try for no other reason then they don't want to. I understand that medically some women are unable to - but the stats for being medically unable to are an incredibly low % (have heard 3% but don't quote me on that).
    I would never come on here and pull someone apart for it though and nor would I do it in real life - I don't get it nor do I understand it but I wouldn't judge someone openly about it - its not my place.

    I also agree with tottie about FFing mums who justify their reasons by rubbishing breastmilk and the research behind it - that defo grates on me,

    PP84 29+2
  • i tried and failed to BF, i could not sustain my LO so changed to formula for his wellbeing, after the hell i went through trying i would not judge anyones decision, i have freinds that find BF a breeze, some that have never tried and some that tried and couldnt, having said that i would try again but thats mainly beacuse i feel such a failure still, i almost wish i had never tried then i wouldnt have this cloud above me.

    i have a friend who is pregnant who thinks badly of my friend who bottle fed from the start but as parents we all make decsions other will not agree with. but yes some people do judge others.

    i found the hospital too understaffed to help me with BF during my 5 day stay, i was not encouraged skin to skin ( i was an em section) nor to put him the breast asap they seemed to much favour the bottlefeeding mothers who also seemed to go home earlier as thier didnt have an issue with feeding, i do think this was more of a time issue than opnion though, my community midwife was very understanding, she helped my as much as she could to try and seemed not to judge my decsion to move to formula.

    i just wanted to add that as my lack of supply is not a valid excuse is my LO loosing 1lb 3oz in 5 days a good excuse to switch to formula?


    [Modified by: piggypops on June 29, 2010 10:26 AM]

  • The NHS has a tiny adverstising budget to help promote BF whereas FF companies have millions so it is up to the midwifes etc to promote it. People would be outraged i'm sure if adverstising formula feeding was banned so why is it a problem for BF to be advertised.

    Formula for babies under 6 months isnt allowed to be advertised on tv and in media ect they can only advertise "follow on milk" so formual from birth isnt advertised, as the sma advert on this site it shows it only shows the brand not the milk ect,

    i agree that they need a bigger budget to help promote breastfeeding but i think they need to stop the gulit that i have seen if you decided not to breastfeed, not saying all midwifes are like that, just the few i have seen

    xxx

    I know that it is follow on milk they advertise but when there are adverts for 'follow on' milk with a parent nursing a newborn baby in the middle of the night it kind of defeats the purpose of not allowing advertising for first milk! :roll:

    I know its a sweeping statment GG but most the midwifes I met were Sh*te! One woman litterally (and I had 2 witness's to this) came grabbed my boob in one hand my tiny babys skull in the other and bounced the 2 off each other and left without saying a word!!! Hardly helpful when trying to learn how to feed!

  • Oh my god, what a horrid midwife,

    xxx
Sign In or Register to comment.

Featured Discussions

Promoted Content