Since we’re in the topic of advice I wondered if you ladies could throw some my way.
On a Friday my dad watches my son until hubby picks him up after he’s finished work.
Yesterday I left him just after 1:30 and hubby arrived around 6:45.
Our son has a nap after lunch at around 2pm for about 2 hours. I have stressed to my dad how important his naps are.
However after getting home from my late shift I found out that j had not slept at all yesterday afternoon.
My dad put him up to bed and cane down stairs in the to living room 10 mins later my son walked in through the living room door. He had climbed out of his travel cot and climbed down 2 sets of stairs. My dad put him back to bed and then He did the same agin. From here my dad gave him the iPad to watch peppa pig and then complained that he never napped. On top of this his nappy was not changed the entire time he was at the house so almost 6 hours.
I have spoken to my dad previously about his carelessness when it comes to j and he has brushed it off saying he’s done it before as he’s a father to 3.
My dad did go out and buy a stair gate to stop my son escaping in to the dining room from the living room but has refused to buy one for upstairs. He has admitted that he does not use baby monitors, despite me providing him with a set. He also does not clean j’s cups or bottles properly, I found J’s milk bottle with green milk residue still on the air hole on the teat, as well as his water cup smelling of damp and the inside not cleaned to the point it had become slimy. He’s openly told me that if he did not finish drinking his milk at bedtime (which is heated) he would leave it on the bedside table and give it to him in the morning to finish.
My concern is for j’s safety. He could have easily opened the front door and got out without anyone’s knowledge or fallen down my nans steep stairs and caught himself on the unit at the bottom of them. He could have got in to the bathroom and all the chemicals in there.
My dad has admitted to leaving j asleep in the house by himself whilst he walked the 5mins to the chip shop to get some tea when he was alone with him.
( my dad watched j at my nans house as my dad has a serious damp issue at his flat and I’m concerned it will affect j’s lungs.)
Hubby has changed jobs and no longer works weekends or late shifts so there is no need for my dad to have our son over night but we had asked him to watch him next weekend as I’m working Friday and Saturday and hubby is meeting up with friends on Saturday, but now I really don’t want him to be there at all.
Sorry for the long rant I just don’t know how to approach this with my dad.
Btw he’s a stubborn man who always thinks he’s in the right and can not be reasoned with - he once told me that my two cats would be ok left alone with no food for 24 hours 🤦🏻♀️ Any advice would be greatly recived
@Mama2be9 glad to hear you have found a solution, sounds like the best idea for you and your little one!! Hope they take the news well.
@MrsP13 Oh dear, sounds like your dad is very reluctant to listening to how he needs to take care of your son! At the end of the day it is your child so he does need to respect your wishes!! Sounds a little dangerous and scary to be honest! Especially you saying he could have walked off out the front door by himself. Is there anyone else who you would trust more to look after your son?
I imagine you have sat down with your dad and had a talk before about your concerns so I dont know if that would help or not! Maybe you can reduce the hours of time that your dad is taking care of him?? And maybe provide multiple bottles for him to use and tell him you will clean them later? Also maybe take a baby gate from yours (if you have one) and bring it along when hes at your nans taking care of him?
It is scary to think what could have happened because of my dads neglect.
I have brought my concerns to his attention before now and he still hasn’t listened. he only has j for about 5 hours at the longest and 2 of those he should be asleep.
I ended up speaking to dad and explains how I felt and that hubby and I have made an executive decision to take him to my mums on a Friday to be looked after in place.
I don’t really want to labour this on my mum as she all ready has him 3 times a week but I know she’s happy to take care of him. And I have no other option.
My dad told me that if I stop letting him see his grandson he’ll never forgive me, but he fails to see that I’ve just stopped him from caring for him on a Friday I’m still happy to catch up when we can. my dad has been very sour since his divorce with my mum 12 years ago and constantly complains that he doesn’t see me or my two brothers enough. I’ve told him so many times that he needs to make peace with this as I have a husband and family and can’t always spare a weekend to go and see him. My brothers are both in relationships and work full time. I make arrangements to see him constantly but he never makes arrangements to meet us.
Sorry to dump all list on you ladies Im so stressed with it all and my anxiety is at an all time high. I’m gonna speak to the midwife on Thursday and see if I can get a referral for the councillor I just don’t want a repeat attack from 2 years ago over this
@MrsP13 anxiety attacks are no joke.. you have to do what's best for you and your family dont feel bad about it!! I think you've made the right choice! Sounds like your dad isnt taking it too well but like you said you're not stopping him from seeing your son and spending time with him, he is just not going to be looking after him alone anymore!! Hopefully he will understand this.
Thanks @MrsP13! You’re right, it is probably unlikely to have those sort of complications with the stomach bug. I’m just being careful! Thanks for your supportive words 🙏
Sorry to hear about those tummy episodes. Glad nothing serious happened and you took care.
I talked with my midwife and she advised me to avoid sicknesses as best as I could and if that’s when the family needs me the most then it’s probably not a good fit. Hearing her validate what I already felt brought me such relief and peace. Having her advise me not to go into a situation like that was so supportive. So I will be saying goodbye to that job and actually a new opportunity presented itself to me today where I can work from home, which is my goal for the future anyway with baby girl coming. So all is well. One door closes and another one opens. This is so true! I’m feeling so grateful and at peace to be moving on and be able to take even better care of myself during this time. It all just feels right and in alignment.
Thank you everyone for taking the time to hear me and my worries and being so kind with your advise and support!! ❤️💕❤️
You’re more than welcome @Mama2be9 here any time you want to chat that fantastic that a new opportunity has come your way. I’d love to be able to be able to work from home it would solve so many problems we have.
It is scary to think what could have happened because of my dads neglect.
I have brought my concerns to his attention before now and he still hasn’t listened. he only has j for about 5 hours at the longest and 2 of those he should be asleep.
I ended up speaking to dad and explains how I felt and that hubby and I have made an executive decision to take him to my mums on a Friday to be looked after in place.
I don’t really want to labour this on my mum as she all ready has him 3 times a week but I know she’s happy to take care of him. And I have no other option.
My dad told me that if I stop letting him see his grandson he’ll never forgive me, but he fails to see that I’ve just stopped him from caring for him on a Friday I’m still happy to catch up when we can. my dad has been very sour since his divorce with my mum 12 years ago and constantly complains that he doesn’t see me or my two brothers enough. I’ve told him so many times that he needs to make peace with this as I have a husband and family and can’t always spare a weekend to go and see him. My brothers are both in relationships and work full time. I make arrangements to see him constantly but he never makes arrangements to meet us.
Sorry to dump all list on you ladies Im so stressed with it all and my anxiety is at an all time high. I’m gonna speak to the midwife on Thursday and see if I can get a referral for the councillor I just don’t want a repeat attack from 2 years ago over this
I suffer with anxiety too iys horrible I've felt worse since being pregnant
My horrible land lady was a right arse today my partner spoke to her about the still outstanding issues with the property we rent which she was supposed to sort before we moved in four months ago this morning she got the right hump and said she cant cope anymore and wants to sell the property well if you don't want to fix the problems why move us in in the first place one issue being the bath is leaking through kitchen ceiling wine we canr shut some of the upstairs windows just to name a Few so now I'm worried were guna end up homeless most if our savings have gone into this place decorating and furnishing it shes a complete bitch
@Chloe87 you have to right to withhold rent until the issues are fixed ... or tell your landlady that your willing to love if she lets you out of your contract with your deposit that way she can up and sell and you don’t have to worry about the issues.
I ended up taking a month off work before my son was born, not long after I had a miscarriage, and it was during this time that I was diagnosed with anxiety after seeing a phycologist. Anxiety sucks... I’m the same as you since being pregnant it’s all ready higher than normal. I was freaking out over movements the other day but it’s really quite early for movement pattern. Baby is moving I’ve felt then loads yesterday and at least 4 times in the last hour
@Chloe87 you have to right to withhold rent until the issues are fixed ... or tell your landlady that your willing to love if she lets you out of your contract with your deposit that way she can up and sell and you don’t have to worry about the issues.
I ended up taking a month off work before my son was born, not long after I had a miscarriage, and it was during this time that I was diagnosed with anxiety after seeing a phycologist. Anxiety sucks... I’m the same as you since being pregnant it’s all ready higher than normal. I was freaking out over movements the other day but it’s really quite early for movement pattern. Baby is moving I’ve felt then loads yesterday and at least 4 times in the last hour
Ive not felt anything yet. We haven't even seen our contract I've asked it to be emailed shes said shed bring it round nothing and we never paid a deposit Ive never known anything like it I've cried all day today sick to my stomach with worry my dad is coming to have w look at the leak in a bit but it shouldn't be his problem luckily I'm bidding on council property but there all so far away we have a possible annex we can rent but the bathroom needs doing and they went in any rush to do it wen they offered it to us
Off that she’s never given you your contract sounds like a cowboy landlord to me. We rented before we bought and both times we had contracts before we moved and deposits paid.
Off that she’s never given you your contract sounds like a cowboy landlord to me. We rented before we bought and both times we had contracts before we moved and deposits paid.
Replies
Hubby has changed jobs and no longer works weekends or late shifts so there is no need for my dad to have our son over night but we had asked him to watch him next weekend as I’m working Friday and Saturday and hubby is meeting up with friends on Saturday, but now I really don’t want him to be there at all.
@MrsP13
Oh dear, sounds like your dad is very reluctant to listening to how he needs to take care of your son! At the end of the day it is your child so he does need to respect your wishes!!
Sounds a little dangerous and scary to be honest! Especially you saying he could have walked off out the front door by himself. Is there anyone else who you would trust more to look after your son?
I imagine you have sat down with your dad and had a talk before about your concerns so I dont know if that would help or not!
Maybe you can reduce the hours of time that your dad is taking care of him?? And maybe provide multiple bottles for him to use and tell him you will clean them later? Also maybe take a baby gate from yours (if you have one) and bring it along when hes at your nans taking care of him?
thank you for your advice.
he only has j for about 5 hours at the longest and 2 of those he should be asleep.
my dad has been very sour since his divorce with my mum 12 years ago and constantly complains that he doesn’t see me or my two brothers enough. I’ve told him so many times that he needs to make peace with this as I have a husband and family and can’t always spare a weekend to go and see him. My brothers are both in relationships and work full time. I make arrangements to see him constantly but he never makes arrangements to meet us.
Sounds like your dad isnt taking it too well but like you said you're not stopping him from seeing your son and spending time with him, he is just not going to be looking after him alone anymore!! Hopefully he will understand this.
Always here to chat!
Sorry to hear about those tummy episodes. Glad nothing serious happened and you took care.
I talked with my midwife and she advised me to avoid sicknesses as best as I could and if that’s when the family needs me the most then it’s probably not a good fit. Hearing her validate what I already felt brought me such relief and peace. Having her advise me not to go into a situation like that was so supportive. So I will be saying goodbye to that job and actually a new opportunity presented itself to me today where I can work from home, which is my goal for the future anyway with baby girl coming. So all is well. One door closes and another one opens. This is so true! I’m feeling so grateful and at peace to be moving on and be able to take even better care of myself during this time. It all just feels right and in alignment.
that fantastic that a new opportunity has come your way. I’d love to be able to be able to work from home it would solve so many problems we have.
My horrible land lady was a right arse today my partner spoke to her about the still outstanding issues with the property we rent which she was supposed to sort before we moved in four months ago this morning she got the right hump and said she cant cope anymore and wants to sell the property well if you don't want to fix the problems why move us in in the first place one issue being the bath is leaking through kitchen ceiling wine we canr shut some of the upstairs windows just to name a Few so now I'm worried were guna end up homeless most if our savings have gone into this place decorating and furnishing it shes a complete bitch
Anxiety sucks... I’m the same as you since being pregnant it’s all ready higher than normal. I was freaking out over movements the other day but it’s really quite early for movement pattern. Baby is moving I’ve felt then loads yesterday and at least 4 times in the last hour
Ive never known anything like it I've cried all day today sick to my stomach with worry my dad is coming to have w look at the leak in a bit but it shouldn't be his problem luckily I'm bidding on council property but there all so far away we have a possible annex we can rent but the bathroom needs doing and they went in any rush to do it wen they offered it to us
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/housing/renting-privately/during-your-tenancy/dealing-with-repairs/
https://www.propertyinvestmentproject.co.uk/blog/tenants-without-a-written-contract/
@Mama2be9 due date 16/7/20
💕Girl💕
@Mama2be9 I'm due 24/07/2020 and gender tbc although I really think a little girl😘
@freak out what’s your due date? Girl
@MrsP13 due date 8/7/20 gender tbc
@Mama2be9 due date 16/7/20
💕Girl💕
@Mama2be9 I'm due 24/07/2020 and gender tbc although I really think a little girl😘
@freakout due date tbc boy
@Mama2be9 due date 16/7/20
💕Girl💕
@Mama2be9 I'm due 24/07/2020 and gender tbc although I really think a little girl😘
@freakout due date 13/7/20 boy
@Chloe87 hubbys the same any chance he gets lol so sweet