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If you've just miscarried and need some support



  • Mrs B how do u feel how are u?
  • @MadDoda I'm doing ok. The MVA was on Sunday, it went ok but they really struggled to get everything out so it took ages. Eventually they decided to leave a small piece that they couldn't get behind hoping it would come out naturally. A big lump of tissue came out in the bath yesterday so I'm hoping that's it. I'm finding the emotional side of things so difficult now, as people kept asking how I was relating to the procedure and physical pain, but now not many people seem to talk about or ask how I feel about the baby. I know it's a difficult situation to deal with and people don't know what to say, but I cant feel ok that I've lost my baby! I dont know how to be with people as it makes me so angry if they dont talk about the baby. Trying to focus on Christmas and have a happy few days. I've bought a notebook and am currently writing a letter to the baby. I'm thinking I'll show my hubby once I've finished. He is being brilliant, and so supportive, but I think it will help for to read exactly how I feel about everything. How are all of you ladies feeling now its Christmas eve? It's such a hard time isnt? I'm very lucky to have my son to keep me distracted and I'm so grateful for that. I hope none of you are finding it too difficult. I'm happy to talk to anyone who is struggling, we can all support each other xxx
  • @MrsB you are so brave and strong! It is hard for people to understand what you feel now and try not to get angry as they don't mean beenig nasty with you they just don't think that deep
    Good that try to enjoy Christmas.... It will be hard, may be just go and get some Christmas decoration that will symbolise baby? It might help you to feel better. And with letter it's great idea x
  • @mrsb you’re doing so well. It’s really hard. I was an emotional wreck! I wrote my baby a poem and I do think it helped me to deal with it a bit so a letter or something might help. We have a Christmas decoration too @Sigsauer and some people like planting something. 

    Although the physical side is bad the emotional side hurts so much more. Sending you a big
  • Thanks so much @Sigsauer and @EmJ3 I have a Christmas tree bauble with a white feather inside, and the date I found out baby had died. I do try not to get angry, I know you're so right. My emotions just keep taking over at the moment. Luckily I havent argued with anyone, just felt angry inside. It's reassuring to know you understand how I feel. Wishing you all a lovely Christmas xxx
  • Mrs B I'm glad you coping in your own way and that ur dh is taking good care of you. It all will be dullnd difficult for awhile. We are always here for u, lots of hugs. 
  • Definitely here for you Mrs b - it’s an awful experience. So sad and heartbreaking. Sending you lots of love. I hope you have a good Christmas Day tomorrow. Don’t panic if you’re emotional- that’s ok too.

    you too @MadDoda- I hope you get lots of comfort with your little boy.

    I’m sure you’ll both get your rainbow babies really soon.xxxx
  • @EmJ3 thank you, but actually this Xmas is terrible. I should be pregnant 3 times, I can't get over this loneliness. Even prosecco I just opened doesn't help. Dh is sick doesn't want to bd, And I even consider dusting my battery operated friend out of wardrobe... I don't think it came any worse. On top of all that I ovulated already at cd10 fit god sake I hate this body. Just popping eggs and taking in any...
  • @MadDoda I understand the lonely feeling but today will be different! Your hubby will feel better- Gabi will cheer you up and although you’ve had 3 loses- hopefully it’ll happen again really quickly and this time it’ll be a sticky one! This time next Christmas, you could be holding a new little baby. Fingers crossed.xxxx
  • Thanks @EmJ3 I'm grateful for ur always kind support, unfortunately today was a complete failure and I cried a lot. It's better now, I just want to forget this Xmas and set my mind positively for 2020 
  • How have you all managed today? @MadDoda are you alright? I'm exhausted from pretending to be happy all day. And I feel completely broken hearted. My hubby has suggested I go to the GP once they're back open as I just dont know how to survive this. I'm hardly sleeping, I feel like my world has fell apart. I'm trying so hard to focus on how lucky I am to have my hubby and son, but it just doesnt help. And i really feel like my mood is affecting my little boy which is so unfair on him xxx
  • Mrs B I'm exactly the same, my son is sick and is affected by me a lot. But I think it will start getting better once Xmas are over. Hang in there. Somehow this 4th mc else got me the worst of them all or just the timing was bad. I'm finishing my prosecco as soon as I'm out of bath. Gonna have some Serrano ham with it and olives, my favourite combination. Probably will watch Dr House for 100th time too. I'm just done with Xmas. Next year will be better as @EmJ3 says. 
  • You poor thing @MadDoda I'm thinking of you. Love your positivity that things will get better. I keep saying to my husband, I know I'll feel better eventually but I dont know how and I dont know when! I might take your advice and look towards a better 2020 xx
  • There us no way to know. It's brutal, always. I thought Im over it, but then it strikes... I never had mmc and I never got beyond 5+3 in my mcs so I can't funny comprehend how u feel, but I understand. And all I can say it does get easier, but it never goes away.. But it will be OK, coz we have no choice but survive. Hugs
  • @nrs b and @MadDoda, I’m sorry you’ve both found today hard. It does get easier as time goes on but it’s absolutely awful for a while- sorry for the honesty but it is. It’s because we want it so much and therefore it hurts like mad when you lose a baby because the hope and love you had is lost and you feel empty. I still struggle with the loss of my little boy and my later mc but time is a healer. 

    I am an emotional person so I understand how you’re feeling. I cried every day for around 10 months- even if it was just for a minute in the shower but slowly and surely, you cry for less time or realise you’ve felt ok for a few days. 

    Having my rainbow baby Matilda has definitely helped us to heal further as she has filled the empty void and I really hope you get your rainbows really soon. I’m sure you will- stay strong and  Just don’t give up. You don’t forget but you learn to cope.

    Going to the doctor might help Mrs b, if you feel that would be a good option for you. 

    Be kind to yourselves- you are both grieving so much. Xxxx

  • Thank you @emj3 I appreciate the honesty. And actually it's nice to know that what I'm feeling isnt unusual. Appreciate your support as always, and so pleased things are a little easier for you now xxx
  • It's really bad, I seriously struggle, everything cumulated so much that I can't handle a day with sick kid anymore. I don't know what to do if I thought I was wreck before, it was nothing coMpare to now. I start to feel familiar depression from 10 years ago, for the first time. I'm mentally exhausted, can't look at my son anymore. 
  • @MadDoda you’re having such a tough time. When my angel baby was born, when I delivered him, my mum held him for us because I was a mess and the whole thing really affected her badly. She really struggled and the doctor put her on anti-depressants to help. Do you think something like this might help? Or are you against it?  I don’t know but it sounds like you’re really struggling and I totally get it because what you’ve been through is heartbreaking. Although it’s totally natural to feel the way you do so it might just take time. 
    Sending you a big hug.xx 
  • @EmJ3 in the past I was on meds, they never changed a thing, neither the therapy. I worked hard to fight my issues, took years, but I finally got better. I don't believe pills or therapy can help me, only time and inner peace. Some mental rest. But I can't seem to get any, failure after failure,  Gabi is going through stage of catching everything. In trying to find someone to talk to,  coz no-one, not even dh understands me at this point. 
  • God- I understand- I really do. Jackson (my son who’s 7) was always ill till he was about 2 and a half. It was like he enjoyed catching every illness going. It was a running joke with everyone, but it was my life and it was hard going to work and looking after him on hardly any sleep every night. 

    I think I’m a bit like you, I considered going to the docs for medication after my baby loss but I knew I was just grieving and needed time to heal. I would say I’m still healing but things are a lot better than they were but that’s just time I think- and probably Matilda being born. I was an absolute mess for the whole 9 months- anxiety was horrendous. I cried every day and struggled with every single scan or appointment. I found out my little boy had passed away at my 20 week scan so scans traumatised me. 

    I don’t know if it will help you but I found inner peace with exercise- I’d go to classes and get all my anger/emotions out but it seemed to regulate or help my mood a little. I know it’s hard because you have a young baby but maybe even long walks with him?
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